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Under The Lash

An apple thief stumbles upon Sweet Apple Acres and steals the apples from the Apple Family. But, his crime leads to three different painful punishments, and an ending that no one will see coming. A one-shot fanfic, mature content for blood and corporal punishment elements.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Gabriel LaVedier

Gabriel LaVedier #1 · Jul 14th, 2014 · 2 · ·

Was there a point to this bit of literary dribbling or was this just you making some Hostel-style torture-porn? Thensituations aren't even internally consistent.

Mix-Tape Mare

Mix-Tape Mare #2 · Jul 14th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Internally inconsistent, the premise is shaky at best, the characters are all wildly out of character, the ending is ridiculously contrived, misspelled words everywhere (it's "orchard", not "orchid"), constant switching between past and present tense in the same sentence or paragraph (which is not permissible), your dialogue punctuation and formatting is all wrong (you must always begin a new paragraph when you switch from one speaker to another; it is not permissible to put an entire conversation in a single paragraph), and the whole thing is just pointless torture porn with ponies.

Overall, it just doesn't work. Poor showing all around.

Urvy1A

Urvy1A #3 · Jul 17th, 2014 · · ·

I admit that at the time I wrote this story, it was rushed and poorly thought out. It was started at Fiesta Equestria last year, and it was badly written, and I plan to revisit this fic in the future, as well as explaining why The Apples like to dish out torture to punish apple thieves.