Applejack and Fluttershy: Rainbow Bride

by GloryBlaze

I Didn't Know You Were Such a Closet Racist

Fluttershy was having a bad day. That’s what Cheerilee would call an ‘understatement’. She had thought that Applejack hated her when she had run off after Fluttershy’s confession of love for her foalhood friend. Today she had found out that Applejack didn't actually hate her. That was good news. Instead, Applejack was also in love with Rainbow Dash. That was bad news. Very bad news. When Pinkie Pie had told Fluttershy that Applejack had tried to win over Rainbow Dash immediately after Fluttershy had confessed, Fluttershy was furious. She had flown to Sweet Apple Acres and torn her traitorous friend a new one, then returned home to enjoy a good, hearty cry. Unfortunately, she didn’t get the chance to wallow in self pity for long. Spike, the little purple sweetheart, had burst into her cottage, huffing and puffing from a vigorous run through Ponyville to her abode on the edge of the Everfree Forest.

“Fluttershy!” he gasped, then stopped for a moment, greedily inhaling to make up for lost oxygen. “Something terrible has happened!”

“That’s right. Applejack is a massive bitch,” is what Fluttershy wanted to say. “Oh dear! What is it?” is what Fluttershy actually said.

“Rainbow Dash has been kidnapped! Tw-” Spike couldn’t finish his sentence because he was still recovering from the cranial trauma he received when Fluttershy flew through the door at speeds rivaling a freight train, knocking him aside and slamming him into Fluttershy’s hardwood door frame.

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The door to Golden Oaks library slammed open with the force of a small explosion, splintering the wood surrounding it. “OhmygoshTwilightSpiketoldmeRainbowDashhasbeenkidnappedwhatdowedowhatdowe-” She stopped her terrified ramblings when she noticed an orange, Stetson-clad earth pony in the library. “Hmpf,” she hmpfed, then daintily fluttered to a seat at Twilight Sparkle’s kitchen table, deliberately seating herself as far from Applejack as possible. Pinkie Pie, who was seated between them, started humming a silly song of some sort while the white unicorn opposite her rolled her eyes in exasperation at Pinkie Pie’s antics.

“Honestly dear, this is a serious situation. Try treating it with a modicum of decorum,” Rarity said. Pinkie Pie just giggled in response. “What?” Rarity asked, almost looking offended that Pinkie Pie had found her admonishment humorous.

“Modicum is a funny word,” giggled Pinkie, then returned to humming her song. This elicited yet another eye roll from Rarity.

Finally, Twilight returned to the table. She cleared her throat, then proceeded to announce, “Rainbow Dash has been kidnapped by changelings.” Her magic slammed a jar onto the table. The four ponies surrounding it peered into the glass to see a small, insectoid creature hovering inside. It brightened up and waved when it saw Applejack, then giggled when she narrowed her eyes and snorted at it.

“How’d ya get the durn critter in that jar?” asked Applejack, still eying it warily, as if it might return to full size at any moment and taunt her with raunchy remarks.

“Oh, it was quite simple,” Twilight replied, looking very self-satisfied. “Changelings feed off of love. Hate, love’s polar opposite, is highly toxic to them. So I imbued the jar with some of the hatred magic I learned when we fought Sombra. If he touches the sides, it will burn him. I just took the jar and held it on his back until the intense, fiery agony of being burned by a thousand suns was too much for him and he shapeshifted into a smaller size to avoid touching the glass, then I scooped him up in it and now he can’t escape unless he was to experience the burning all over again,” she explained. The other ponies looked at her incredulously.

“Um... don’t you think that’s a little... excessive? And a little on the cruel side?” asked Fluttershy.

“Ha! No, not at all, Fluttershy,” replied Twilight. “Changelings are soulless creatures made of the purest evil who live for nothing other than the suffering of others. They all deserve nothing less than death in the most excruciatingly painful manners imaginable,” she finished. Her genuinely cheerful smile and tone of voice did nothing to mitigate how terrifying the sentence was.

“Wow, Twilight! I didn’t know you were such a closet racist,” said Pinkie Pie.

“Right, moving on!” Rarity interjected before Twilight could correct Pinkie Pie and tell her that changelings were a different species from ponies all together, not a race, meaning that she may be a closet specist but was most certainly not a closet racist.

“Anyway, I was going t suggest that the five of us go and rescue her together, but Princess Celestia has forbidden it. She says that we can’t put too many more Element Bearers at risk, as if even one of us dies then the whole set is powerless until new Bearers come along. She has requested that Rarity and I stay behind in order to devise a new version of Rarity’s gem finding spell that can be used to locate changelings even when they are undercover,” Twilight explained.

“I’ll stay behind and offer moral support,” is what Fluttershy wanted to say. “I’ll go. I’ll rescue Rainbow Dash,” is what Fluttershy actually said.

“Darling, you can’t be serious!” exclaimed Rarity, looking at the usually meek pegasus in shock. “Let Applejack and Pinkie go.”

Fluttershy gulped down her frantic agreement with Rarity’s sentiment. “No. I have to go. I know what plants you can eat when in the wilderness, I can deal with wild animals and monsters we come across, and the Stare could come in handy,” she replied.

“Fluttershy’s right,” said Twilight, cutting off another protest by Rarity. “She’s probably the best suited out of us to go on any sort of adventure. Now, which of you two wants to go with her?” she asked, looking to Pinkie and Applejack. Applejack opened her mouth when suddenly Pinkie stepped in front of her.

“Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!” she cried out, frantically flailing a hoof in the air.

“Wait just a minute!” interjected Applejack. “I have to go!”

“Oh, nononnonono!” said Pinkie. “You going would be a terrible idea.”

“And just what d’ya mean by that?” snorted Applejack.

“The romantic tension would cause you to botch up the mission, duh!” replied Pinkie.

“Romantic? What are you saying, Pinkie?” asked Rarity.

“Flutters and AJ are both in love with Dashie, duh.”

“Wait, what? Why didn’t I know this?”

“How scandalous!”

“You girls didn’t even tell me you were lesbians!”

“Does it matter? Look how romantic it is! The noble peasant and the timid childhood friend, putting aside their differences to save their one true love!”

“Ah ain’t puttin’ nothin’ aside, y’hear? Ah jus’ don’t want that feathered hussy sticking her hooves all over Dash when we find ‘er.”

“Hussy? Hussy? I’ll show you who’s a hussy!”

“You all do realize there’s an easy solution to this problem, right?” Everypony stopped what they were doing. Fluttershy ceased pounding her hoof into Applejack’s eye. Applejack discontinued chewing on Fluttershy’s wing. Twilight and Rarity put their debate on the romanticism of the situation on hold. Pinkie stopped giggling All eyes were on the changeling in the jar on the table. He cleared his throat and began to sing.

“It’s okay, if it’s in a three-way
It’s not gay, if it’s in a three way
With a honey in the middle there’s some leeway
The area’s gray in a one two three way!”

Everypony stared at the changeling. You could have heard a pin drop, the silence was so complete. Finally, Fluttershy broke the spell over the room.

“But... I am gay.”

Author's Note:

I was going to stretch this chapter out a lot longer, but I felt guilty about having gone a whole week updateless when my chapters are barely over 1000 words. I Pinkie promise they'll get longer soon, but for now enjoy the delicious filler-y goodness while I prepare for the hardcore exposition.

Comments

[Seether00]

Nothing wrong with short chapters for this type of story. In fact I encourage you the stay the course. Keep the jokes fast and furious.

[Frizzy]

I love that Changeling!

[I love ponys]

Its ok if it's a three way

[MegaMuffinss]

That is the best changling ever !

[Zombificus]

“Ha! No, not at all, Fluttershy,” replied Twilight. “Changelings are soulless creatures made of the purest evil who live for nothing other than the suffering of others. They all deserve nothing less than death in the most excruciatingly painful manners imaginable,” she finished. Her genuinely cheerful smile and tone of voice did nothing to mitigate how terrifying the sentence was.

I LOVE THIS STORY.

[Coco-loco]

“It’s okay, if it’s in a three-way
It’s not gay, if it’s in a three way
With a honey in the middle there’s some leeway
The area’s gray in a one two three way!”
Everypony stared at the changeling. You could have heard a pin drop, the silence was so complete. Finally, Fluttershy broke the spell over the room.
“But... I am gay.”

That Changeling will kill us

...

[nickhg123]

This story just gets funnyer and funyner! I cant wait for more!

[GloryBlaze]

4246479 I will complete it. Someday. Sooner or later. Probably later. O_o

[TheMarioLuigiFan777]

This is adorable!

[Yubella]

You know, it would be funny if the kidnap was just a cover up for Dash spending time with chrysalis. I would love to be there if fluttershy and applejack were there and found out.

[Yubella]

Also twilight is a racist bitch. Stay away from my changelings and my forest.