Overnight

by Jenstone

Chapter 2

Pinkie Pie could barely sleep that night, she was so excited! Vinyl had handed her fliers to pass out about the party tonight.

She taped them to windows, stapled them to trees, and handed them out one by one. Vinyl even had Pinkie help her decorate the night club. That's the place they were using.

The place was looking great when they finished. The food had been ordered for that night, and everypony was coming. When Princess Twilight saw the flier, she took it. The party looked like fun, and she was going. Of course she needed to do a few chores before she went though.

Creak...

Twilight turned around. "Who's there? Princess Luna?"

Crack!

Twilight was scared now. Her horn glowed, Twilight was casting a spell.

She aimed her horn at the sound, but its shadow quickly fled. Twilight chased it out of the castle, where she looked around for it again. She saw the shadow again, and she took aim once more.

"Wait!"

Twilight looked around.

"Please!"

A white Unicorn came out from the corner. "My name's Snowshoe. I'm sorry I scared... you. Princess Twilight Sparkle." She bowed.

"What were you doing in the castle?" Twilight asked. "You gave me a heart attack!"

She began to tear up. Obviously she was quite shy around other ponies. "I'm sorry, your majesty!"

Twilight rolled her eyes and closed her wings, heading back inside the castle.

Snowshoe ducked her head and walked off, feeling saddened and alone. "Why doesn't anyone let me be?" she asked herself. She bumped into something.
"Oof!" Snowshoe fell on the sidewalk, and a stallion helped her up. "I'm so sorry, but I happened to hear that nopony lets you be," he said. "You going to the party tonight?"

"W-what party?" Snowshoe asked him. "I haven't heard of any party tonight. I've never really b-been to a party before." She blushed.

"Well, then this will be your first time. Would you like to go together? I'm Milky Way." He held out a hoof, and Snowshoe shoo it. "Thanks, I'd like to go with you, if that's what you want, Milky Way. I'm Snowshoe."

~~~~

Pinkie Pie sorted through balloons, party hats, confetti, toys, wrapping paper, empty boxes that used to hold gifts, and more! Vinyl looked over her shoulder. "You really ARE a crazy party pony, aren't you, Pinkie Pie?" Vinyl Scratch asked. Pinkie Pie shrugged. "Nah, I just come prepared. It's better to be prepared then have nothing at all!"

"That's not even a saying. EVERYPONY already knows that's true."

"Duh, that's why I'm saying it now!"

Vinyl Scratch blinked, then snapped back to reality. "Anyways, it's about time for the party. You almost finished Pinkie?" Pinkie Pie nodded. "Yeah, I'll be finished in about five minutes!" Vinyl nodded, then walked away.

She had lots of things to finish.

She placed her headphones on and tuned the stereo and volume settings. She picked the best music to play and placed it from her computer into the machine. She took off the switch for the music to put it on pause, then she took back off her headphones and opened the doors. Guests poured in, and Pinkie Pie and Vinyl Scratch took a seat behind the stand. Music blasted through the room, and Vinyl even let Pinkie switch it to a remix with her own hooves.

Ponies danced and laughed. Some ate the treats and others chatted. Soon, Snowshoe and Milky Way arrived. "What's this? Is this a party?" Snowshoe asked Milky. Milky nodded. "Yes. And if a slow song comes on, then people dance with their dates."

Snowshoe looked around, and then she turned back, but Milky was gone. He came back and sat next to Snowshoe. "Sorry I left for that quick moment. Just was hungry," he said. The music faded to a slower song, and Milky stood up, pulling Snowshoe with him.

"What are we doing?" Snowshoe asked.

"Ever danced?" Milky asked.

Snowshoe slightly shook her head, and blushed. "Then today's the day," Milky said, resting her head on his shoulder. Snowshoe closed her eyes, and Milky kissed her cheek.

Snowshoe blushed once more, and she soon caught up to the movements of their feet.

As the song came into a slow end, Milky removed her head from his shoulder and gave her a kiss on the lips.

Author's Note:

I told you there was romance. Milky is my OC's boyfriend, and Snowshoe is my OC. Why not use this story as a place where they met and bonded? :D

Anyways, A Toddler a Day keeps the Mane Six Away is on hold. Sorry, but I'll work on it soon. :)

Comments

[EquesTRON]

The only obvious problem I see, is several places in the story where you do this:

Vinyl Scratch, Ponyville's best and only DJ, sat on a bench, fiddling with her iPod. Her glasses had been removed, so you could see her bright red eyes. Pinkie Pie, who had been walking through town that same day, walked up to Vinyl. "Have I seen you before? Are you... new??!!!" Pinkie asked excitedly. Vinyl put her iPod on sleep and looked up at Pinkie. "No, you idiot. I'm DJ-Pon-3. My real name is Vinyl Scratch."

You must always start a new paragraph when switching from one speaker to another. Never mash a conversation into a single paragraph like this; it's hard to read and makes it difficult to follow who's saying what. It should be like this:

Vinyl Scratch, Ponyville's best and only DJ, sat on a bench, fiddling with her iPod. Her glasses had been removed, so you could see her bright red eyes. Pinkie Pie, who had been walking through town that same day, walked up to Vinyl.

"Have I seen you before? Are you... new??!!!" Pinkie asked excitedly.

Vinyl put her iPod on "sleep" and looked up at Pinkie. "No, you idiot. I'm 'DJ-Pon-3'. My real name is Vinyl Scratch."

The only time you can ever put multiple speakers in the same paragraph is if you're trying to convey a sense of confusion, or a crowd reaction, where multiple people are talking over each other all at once and it's not actually important to the reader to know exactly which person said what. For actual conversations the reader is meant to be able to follow? New speaker, new paragraph. Always.

[Brony4life14]

good story keep it up!

[Jenstone]

2746517 I'm sorry, but I'm trying to keep it real. I made it perfect to understand. If you cannot understand what I made clear, then that is your problem and you shouldn't read my stories.

[Jenstone]

2747477 Thank you so much!