10 years after Twilight Sparkle is crowned, a new generation of ponies are born. Unfortunatly, that means that there will be a new generation of magical mishaps, flying fantasies, and...bananas?
Chapters (2)
EpicRainbowCat
Joined 15th May, 2013 ·
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All I have to say is keep on doing what are doing and keep up the good work.
Oh my... I decided that I will read bad rated story and try to help actors of them. But... tell me something about this: Her father, who always was graceful and coordianated, gracefully selected a very graceful yellow and sky blue dress that went quite gracefully with her coat. And another one is in the second POV. You used word muffin FOUR times in one sentence. Yes, ok... your first story... so let's take it easily. I read now only first chapter. The story may be very good, I will watch it. But from the other side... I have something to tell you. Some advices that may help you with your future writing. For first: NEVER use shortcuts in story. I think that it won't hurt you to write it all and your story will look better. Second thing: It was great idea to separate the point of view of this first day (morning) into three families. But you should do one chapter for each familie. When you put all these three into one chapter it can get very chaotic. And the third... Those repeating words. I saw this many times when I read stories from begginers. I've highlighted you these words in first sentence. Read it again. What do you think about it? So my advice: before you post the story, read it and try to eliminate as much of these same words as possible. Try even changing the sentence if it is impossible. So I hope that this will help you. So have a good rest of the day and try to fix these problem in your next chapter/story. Nightyy
Thx, Nighty. I'm unpublishing everything to try and start over.
Unpublished view password: redon234
Well, this is AMAZING improve! Yes there are still some mistakes with grammar and paragraphs in prologue, but they are minimal. I can just say 'nicely done!'