Due to a botched spell, Molestia is born. Eager to curb Molly's salatious ways, Celestia sends her to Ponyville to learn the magic of friendship from her most faithful student.
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Good lord. The unexpected love life of dusk shine isn't even finished yet and there are spin offs.....love it. Keep it coming. *wink* *wink*
2704179 By the solar goddess I hated that story. Thanks for reading my story anyway
2704179 So wait, now any story with R63'd Twilight is now a spin off of "The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine"?
I don't think so.
Another great chapter Enclave.
2704322
Ever since I realised that every story is actually a spin off of "The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine" I have come to understand the rich subplots carefully hidden within many a subtext, trust me you don't know what your missing.
See Enclave doesn't even deny it when replying to Derpy Dom, what more proof could you need?
2704179
*Wink**Wink*
All of that and suddenly he wants to be with Molly instead of Cheerilee? Guess i'll see where this story heads before I un-favorite it.
2704322
yes.
The hills are alive with r63'd ponies.
Fine then, I'll write my own R63 pony story. With hookers. And Gambling.
2704179
Yeah... I don't think this is related at all. That story has gone off the rails quite a bit.
Okay, so this story. WTF?
Dusk is now after Molly out of total left field. That doesn't make sense with this set up.
2704668 Sudden? I'm not sure how to respond to that. I never specifically stated that this was a Cheer x Shine fic. Oh I know, I'll produce A DIALOGUE!!!
"It would appear that I am terrible at foreshadowing darling. WHAT HAVE I DONE!?"
"Umm Rarity could you stop being such a drama queen...if you don't mind that is."
"Ah get the feelin' that somepony might be jumpin' the gun a bit."
"Well I know what to do with naughty ponies. TO THE MOON!"
27047983.bp.blogspot.com/-Yx71p5_RTLo/UGn7dcEkMiI/AAAAAAAA7c8/zl3QicMVc64/s1600/trixie_as_bender_by_pixelkitties-d5b69yj.png
2704862 I feel like I've failed as an author. Why is everypony so surprised that Dusk has feelings for Molly? I thought I foreshadowed it enough...
2704876
Ah pimp trixie. a pony after mine own heart.
Things have taken an interesting turn. You could say things are changing for the advancement of the... (puts on sunglasses) PLOT. YEAAAAAH!!!
Yeah. That was a stretch...
It felt a bit sudden because even if Dusk has said he misses Molly being around, that hardly seems like justification for leaving the mare he's been pining after for quite a while. I think what would have worked a lot better was for him to keep thinking about Molly during the date. Say if everything he and Cheerilee did just reminded him of Molly and her suggestions. Maybe him wondering what Molly would think of how well he was doing. You know, building internal conflict against the mare he's actually hanging out with.
You may have foreshadowed his choice, but you skipped over him actually coming to the decision.
But, I'd like to applaud you on Dusk Shine. He's just so much like me... Eerily so. Never got laid because he could never cross that hurdle, and "fuck-buddies" makes him uncomfortable because he's too worried about objectifying a lady friend like that...?
I can't believe I'm reading a story that could be trying to give me life advice through Molestia.
HELLO REMEMBER ME??
Yeah, it just feels a little like a blindside. Got to spend time buliding up man, it's the same problem you had in the Rarity and Molly confrontation.
Molly went in guns blazing all over Rarity with no build up. Molly's motive just felt really immediate and sudden.
Dusk seems to be suffering from the same problem. We are given no insight into how he feels for Molly. All we're given is an admission of boredom by Dusk on how dull things are with Molly gone.
Not exactly an admission of love, dontcha think?
Really, spend some time building and raising the stakes and Dusk's admission wouldn't seem so far-fetched. Have Dusk realize his feelings for Molly little by little. Right now it feels like Dusk just feels like he arbitrarily decided to stick with Molly despite how perfect he and Cherilee seem together.
Although I still like the story, heh, it's got a charm to it.
2704905
HOGWASH
The minute you stop trying to improve upon yourself is the day you fail as an writer. Just because people are talking about an issue doesn't mean you've failed as an author. It just means you got some rewriting and bit of thinking to do.
Don't let yourself get discouraged man. BELIEVE IN YO' DREAMS! (are you inspired yet? or perhaps feel better? GET SOME EYE OF THE TIGER UP IN HERE!)
Look, the point is, don't sweat it mate. :D if something didn't work, go back over it and see what you can do to improve!
Well, that was...
tEriBaL.
Quiet mister cynical subconscious! Okay, you certainly could have done that date with Cheerilee better. It needed fleshing out to make it seem more realistic. Otherwise? The twist you've taken is intriguing and I certainly saw hints that it was coming but it could have used more emotion for better delivery. It came off as fairly blunt.
2705886 I also second this. This story is a long way from unsalvageable. It still has plenty of promise.
so dusk likes molly, that's new
So, the princesses star student is in love with her perverted clone. Get ready for a storm.
2706591>>2705886>>2705307 I've decided that I'm going to go back and add a bit more to chapter 8 to help make the delivery smoother. It's not going to be much longer than before, so you don't really have to re-read the chapter, since the result is going to be the same.
2706879 Still going to re-read it. Like to see how you improve it.
The Shipping, it has cometh... in a very sudden and somewhat nearly rushed way.
Quick to the draw and into the 'I need to fix this' routine!
I saw this happening but really, a kind of build up was lacking, still I cannot say NO to Dusk going for Molly! You have won my UPVOTE!!!
2706879
It still feels very rushed. I know I'm making assumptions about where you're going after this scene, but feeling sorry for hurting a friend doesn't automatically mean romantic feelings. I still think more could be done to show that even though Dusk is happy that he's finally on a date with the pony he's had his eye on, he still can't keep thinking about Molly. And not just thinking about her, but finding himself wanting Molly to take Cheerilee's place on the date or things like that. It's more than simply thinking about Molly, it's thinking about her in specific ways.
However, if my assumption of an impending romantic event isn't quite right, then carry on.
Well that was...really unexpected. Dusk and Molly's relationship really didn't seem romantic in any sort of way. Molly seemed more like a perverted mother-figure than a lover to Dusk. And I can understand he was feeling guilty, he was being kind of a dick, but I wouldn't have ever expected that guilt turn to love. Or, maybe I'm wrong and Dusk will realize that his affection towards Molly was actually just pent up guilt or something, and my whole opinion won't matter. Either way, waht a twist!
2715283 You confused me for a second, but you must be referring to Pound and Pumpkin. That's going to be explained later, I haven't gotten to that yet
Luna: That's what I said!
2710423 fucking username. cant take you serious.
All of a sudden, Cupid awoke from his dreamless slumber in a cold sweat. It was as though all love and harmony had instantaneously become perverted by chaos and fear, condensed into a single shout from a small town on the horizon. He pitied the poor soul to which this tragedy had occured.
2746862 I dare you to take me seriously in that case. What's in a name really?
Only thing that makes me sad, is Cheerilee just had a another date that went south.
Poor Cheerilee.
3793803 If you want Cheerilee to be happy, read 'To love the Moon'.
She's in a relationship with multiple ponies in that one.
2746862
Says the one named after the Lovecraftian fertility goddess
*Radio Noises* Incoming Drama Bomb on your position in...
5
4
3
2
1
...hmmm I guess i was wron-
BOOM!
SCREW THE RULES, I HAVE A YU-GI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES REFERENCE!
...ahem.
This is absolutely not what I was expecting, that's for sure.