Dark Aeon's Teaser

by Marked of Luna

Jet Stream Teaser

“Now, I’m going to test this long distance teleportation spell on you. I found it in the ‘these spells are crap, what was I thinking folder’. Don’t worry, I am pretty sure I have fixed it.” That was Power Flux, my tormentor for the last 6 months. When I say tormentor, I mean, it was death or become his test subject for 5 years (or death, whichever came first). Power Flux is the 6th-great nephew of the famous Starswirl the Bearded, who passed along the gene for magical development, cocksure equation formulating, and insanity. I have come to believe its all from the same gene.

“Is this the same ‘I am pretty sure I have fixed it’ that had you believing you had found a fireproofing potion recipe in my sister’s notes? You know, the one that made you set fire to me over and over to test? I’m still finding charred feathers from that, you know.” I replied half-sarcastically.

“No, well yes, but this time I’m certain it will work.” Bugged that I won’t let him live that down, he snapped “Now shut up and sit still.”

As I sat, waiting, I considered writing that kinyesi uso Celestia, telling her that I have changed my mind, and have chosen execution, I saw a beam coming from Flux’s horn. I blinked as it hit me. When I opened my eyes, I saw a scrawnier Flux and a pegasus buddy I never thought I would see again in this life standing over me.

“So you finally went through a weight-loss program, did you Flux? And did your Great Uncle leave you a spell on bringing back the dead?” I said, with a roguish grin, thinking that A) the spell turned out to be a time travel spell, B) aforementioned spell sent me to a different dimension, where we won the war, or C) I’m dead, and so is Flux. Why, Luna? Didn’t I serve you well before you went mad?

Then Flux retorted with the unexpected. “Ponyfeathers. Another confused pegasus.” He sighed, then continued, “My name isn’t Flux, its Power Switch.” Then I noticed his cutie-mark wasn’t the same. Flux’s mark had been an electrical ethereal cloud. This pony had a mark of the Equestrian letter ‘U’, curved, with a vertical slash through the opening at the top (To the reader, on switch for an Xbox or computer). “Please tell me you aren’t carrying any explosives?” This unicorn, Power Switch, asked.

“No, it was part of my plea bargain that I never again handle or make explosives.” I answered.

“Plea bargain for what?”

“We lost the war. It was that or death, and I was just starting to wish I had picked death. Don’t you know that?” I responded, confused.

“Wait, what war? What are you talking about? What year do you think it is?” Apparently, that made two of us. Confused, that is.

“The year should still be the 101st year since Discord’s downfall, and six months since Luna was banished. Unless Flux messed up, big time. Again. Let there be much rejoicing.” Please say I am rid of him...

“Wait. You said Flux? As in Power Flux? As in my 52nd great grandfather? The spell writer?” My smile fell

“Aw kinyesi, I thought I was rid of your family.” Then it hit me. “Did you say 52nd?”

“I think I just pulled you 1000 years into the future. Welcome back.”
“Well, on the bright side, my 5 years as a guinea pig are up. Now, what the buck are you doing here, Blitz?”

Comments

[Jphyper]

You need to learn to keep your tenses consistent. Also, I must warn you: a character like this can easily devolve into a Gary Stu if you aren't careful.

[Marked of Luna]

2669299Which character would that be? I wrote one of the chapters, and my brother wrote the other... but both are possible.

[Jphyper]

2671132 The unicorn, I guess. I kinda had a hard time telling the difference. I have a bad habit of sometimes reading too quickly.

[Marked of Luna]

I will let my brother know... he wrote the unicorn.

[Marked of Luna]

2671164
also, what is a gary stu?

[Jphyper]

3419255 http://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide#Mary-Sues <-- That will explain it. He's not one yet, but it's too soon to tell for sure. You might want to read the rest of the guide, too, considering how helpful it is.

[Star Scraper]

Just finished. It looks interesting and like it could go some interesting places. I kind of like the characters and their setup. It all feels a bit rushed, though - I'd strongly recommend taking time and describing things in detail. Don't give useless details, but enough so that the reader can imagine the situation, their surroundings, their expressions, etc. would be pretty important.

Some books I'd recommend are Stein on Writing, Card's "Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy," and... Honestly those are the only two that come up off the top of my head. I know I personally read at least 5 books on writing before I started, though, as well as countless little guides and such on the internet, especially on characters