• Member Since 10th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 24th, 2018

Marked of Luna


This story... Dark Aeon is the name, but not final, will be about a team of dangerous ponies who answer and eliminate the threats made to Equestria. It's members include a time traveling pegasus who is an amnesiac assassin from the Civil war that led to Luna's banishment, a time traveling zebragus conspiracy theorist, also from that civil war, and a modern unicorn who writes combat spells for fun.

All rights to their respective owners.
Written in collaboration with my brother and his best friend, who don't have accounts on this site. Will update when and if they do get accounts.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 7 )

You need to learn to keep your tenses consistent. Also, I must warn you: a character like this can easily devolve into a Gary Stu if you aren't careful.

2669299Which character would that be? I wrote one of the chapters, and my brother wrote the other... but both are possible.

2671132 The unicorn, I guess. I kinda had a hard time telling the difference. I have a bad habit of sometimes reading too quickly.

I will let my brother know... he wrote the unicorn.

3419255 http://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide#Mary-Sues <-- That will explain it. He's not one yet, but it's too soon to tell for sure. You might want to read the rest of the guide, too, considering how helpful it is.

Just finished. It looks interesting and like it could go some interesting places. I kind of like the characters and their setup. It all feels a bit rushed, though - I'd strongly recommend taking time and describing things in detail. Don't give useless details, but enough so that the reader can imagine the situation, their surroundings, their expressions, etc. would be pretty important.

Some books I'd recommend are Stein on Writing, Card's "Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy," and... Honestly those are the only two that come up off the top of my head. I know I personally read at least 5 books on writing before I started, though, as well as countless little guides and such on the internet, especially on characters :twilightsheepish:

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