The begining chapters may be a bit slow but my storyline I have worked out allows for much modification and additions of OCs if needed. This is a story of discovery and of adventure and..... Enough to get into it trust me. :) If you enjoy it let me know. I accept any form of criticism and any types of questions. If you notice any type of plot holes I will happily edit the chapters and apologize by profusely saying "sorry". Hope you enjoy!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay. I'm gonna give this a chance, but take the ":)" Out of the description. It takes me out of my immersion.
Which brings me to my second point: Your description tells me nothing about the story what so ever. Fix this, unless you want negative votes.
Should be:
No.
Never use "I'm", "Don't" "Can't" or anything like that outside of dialogue.
Over all, you failed to interest me with your first chapter. I'll favorite this, and give it a thumbs up, in hopes this gets better.
Your description tells the reader absolutely nothing.
I don't know. I liked the part with Luna.
Wow. So far I like the feedback. I plan on making some of the more obvious changes that have been mentioned, the crappy description being one of them, along with some small edits here and there. One thing I plan on expanding in this chapter would be the introduction of Luna. And I apoligize on the dryness of the first chapter. My intention is to build up on the main character without cramming too much information. But again, thank you guys for being honest with any luck I can get this story to be a little bit more enjoyable.
You have potential. Everyone does. Just get a proof-reader next time. I expect great things from you small man.
dont edit this chapter just make new ones
I like your vocab use .