3768326
I could've, but once I started writing the first chapter, I expanded on little aspects of the story which lead it into the direction it's going now. By the time I finished chapter one, I felt it should stick to the way it was going and then fix and improve things for chapter two. I hope to end the story in the third chapter. Thank you for your input.

It might be a little late in saying this, based on the time between the posting of the chapter and mine having just read it.

There was a significant improvement between the first and second chapter - especially in pacing. There were issues still, weird characterizations, plot holes and the like. But to quote a friend: If the chapters showed this level of improvement consistently, within another 1 or 2 chapters it would be contesting as an all-time favorite story.

I also see that you have a recent story posted, I'll give that a read relatively soon and give you a review after reading it.

7289143
Thank you ^~^ I wanted to give the story more direction and not have it so all over the place like the first chapter was. Even though this story is currently cancelled, I may now consider bringing it back from the dead once I'm finished with my current story, hopefully to make up for the first chapter (because even now I think it was a bit over-the-top xD)