What Dreams May Come

Twilight has just lost a friend but to here dismay she finds out an important lesson from it.

Chapters (4)

Chapter 1 · 10th May 2013 · 396 words
396
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Chapter 2 · 10th May 2013 · 481 words
481
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Chapter 3 · 10th May 2013 · 574 words
574
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Chapter 4 · 10th May 2013 · 358 words
358
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Comments ( 6 )

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Wobble

Wobble #1 · May 10th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Hmm, not bad. Now I'm not sure how, and this is meant to be purely constructive criticism, but that dialogue seemed a bit too straightforward for me. Now again, I have no idea how to fix that really (hence why I don't write ), but maybe see if any other writers you might know could help you out with that? Other than that, I don't usually critique grammar or spelling, so the only thing I'll point out is Canterlot is the name of a city, thus a proper noun, and should be capitalized. Otherwise, I like the concept and idea of this story, and you could definitely shape up to be better with a bit of work and some more experience, so keep on writing! NITPICKING, AWAY!

Wobble

Wobble #2 · May 10th, 2013 · · · Chapter 2 ·

Again, the dialogue. It's the only thing that's bugging me, and it really is. I know it's your first time, but that's my piece of advice. If you're going to focus on improving anything, the only major issue I see right away is the dialogue. Maybe study some other fics, look at how other writers do it? Still, great story idea, and I'm sure if you could improve these technical aspects, you would be able to write amazing fics in the future.

Wobble

Wobble #3 · May 11th, 2013 · · · Chapter 3 ·

Ok, so it seems to me it's not just your dialogue, its your pacing. The whole story seems to be progressing rather fast, just skimming on the surface of a really great idea. This might be attributed to the lack of separation in speech and paragraphs, which make the hole thing seem to be slightly quicker paced than it should be. If you can improve in these areas, I know that with ideas as creative and awesome as this, you'll definitely be great one day

easymac

easymac #4 · May 11th, 2013 · · · Chapter 4 ·

eh
the dialog was hard to follow.
you have a few homonym errors.
the story was (to me) very rushed.

Wobble

Wobble #5 · May 11th, 2013 · · · Chapter 4 ·

That ending was absolutely beautiful, and this whole fic was overall a great idea, and I know I'm being really repetitive with these comments, but it's only so I know that my constructive criticism gets through so you can improve! So yeah, great story, try to work on spacing of text and pacing of the story overall, but otherwise loved it. Maybe also get some grammar and spelling proof-readers next time, as there were a few that blatantly stuck out to me (i.e "Ah bitter trial...", did you mean A?)