Show me the way to go Home

by Cherry Rie

Shenanigans

Remember; no matter how out of place or random events might be, everything that takes place in this story happens for a reason. Mostly because the author is an evil bitch.

Chapter two; Shenanigans

Utterly dumbstruck, Kaylee stared at the bright yellow Equine from which Vicky’s voice had croaked. Squinting from behind her feathery wall of privacy, something finally clicked about the appearance of the pair.

It is the best kept secret of any headstrong tomboy that they do have girly moments. Vicky, for example, was a self professed metal-head who spent her days tinkering with jet engines and had an appetite for cheap spirits. Naturally, her role-play character for ‘MEAPS’ was an earth pony called Lemon Cake, with a talent for flower arranging, one of her few guilty pleasures in life. As though drawn into being by the pen of Lauren Faust herself, Lemon Cake now stood in the clearing before the startled Pegasus. Sinuous Persian-green mane fluttering in the slight breeze along with her long luscious tail, the mare could have likely given even fair Rarity a run for her money. A shame the overall effect was somewhat disrupted by the dark rings around her emerald eyes and sour expression. Labelled on her flank was a tied bouquet of three beautiful flowers.

Her companion was a unicorn and stood in dramatic contrast to the elegant Lemon Cake. Built like a draft horse, the tall brown speckled appaloosa could have been a shoe in at the ‘Studliest Stallion’ contest, had she not been a mare. Tall and heavy set, the only clues to her femininity, (other than the more fundamental ‘absence’ below the belt line), were a long mane and tail of richest chestnut brown and flirtatious eyelashes. Paper bound, the character concept of ‘Muffin’ must have seemed like such a good idea to poor Darrel, yet in reality the overall impression was that of a spotty Big Macintosh dressed in drag.

“Vicky! And Muffin? Is that you Darrel!?” Kaylee exclaimed, shaking her head with a nickering snort, “Oh my goodness, you have no idea how glad I am to see you. I thought I was alone out here!”

Wincing with the euphoric nature of her friend’s relief, Lemon Cake lifted a hoof and rubbed her aching forehead, “Yeah, great to see you too hun. Volume.”

Darrel muttered something to ‘herself’, staring at the newcomer with a look of panic.

“Look, what the hay happened to us?” Kaylee stressed, hooves rustling uneasily beneath the still rigid feathers, “Why are we all ponies, and why do you look like your avatar characters?”

Vicky glanced over at her mumbling companion and shrugged her withers, “Search me. Last I remember was that round of Union-Jack’s we had at the Slaughtered Yam. Next thing I know, I wake up in a bush with hooves and spots’ here is out cold on top of me.”

“I’m a girl.” Muffin muttered distantly.

“Ignore him,” assured the yellowy earth pony, seeing the look of confusion on Kaylee’s partly hidden face “He only just woke up, think he’s still in shock.”

“Hold on, how did you know it was me?” Kaylee asked, struggling to move her reluctant appendages into a more manageable position, “You two look... well, familiar at least.”

“I’m A FREEKING MARE!”

Shoving the traumatized Appaloosa into whimpering silence, Vicky glowered irately at the apparently stupid question “Because you sound like Kaylee, look like Kaylee’s character ‘Peanut Butter’ and are self conscious to the point of paranoia-”

“Cześć, Konikie!”

Kaylee whipped around towards the sudden hearty greeting. Borvik, or rather the grey Pegasus stallion that spoke with his rich voice, stepped through the underbrush and approached the gathered ponies with a warm grin. Granite gray, a marbled mane of charcoal black and sleek white framed a face that was both powerful and soft in the same instant. ‘Bolder’ stood as a model to Pegasus anatomy, every muscle visible through his glossy coat, the glittering silver-anvil cutie mark resting on flanks that could have been carved from solid rock.

“Borvik?” Queried Vicky sceptically, eliciting a nod of confirmation from the buff newcomer.

“Dah!” the stallion replied, shaking entrenched leaves from his shock white mane, “ ‘tis good to be seeing you here! We were thinking we may be alone.”

Despite the hangover attempting to squeeze her brain out through her eye sockets, the lemony earthpony found some relief venting her rage through targeted sarcasm. “You have got to be freaking kidding me. What? Did we all just happen to fall out of the sky within ten square feet of one another?!”

Borvik shook his head insistently, “No, James and I have been walking for some time. There is stream not so far, but I hear voices this way, so I come to look and find you!”

“This is crazy!” Stammered Kaylee, wings slacken as disbelief overwhelmed her overactive modesty, “James is here too? What the buck happened to us last night! Buck? Buck-buckitty-buck-buck.”

“WHAT?” Darrel yelled, stressed buggy eyes flaring at the Pegasus mare.

Renewed confusion creeping across her splotchy face, Kaylee’s eyes crossed in an attempt to look at her own lips. Prudish in most aspects of life, the young woman rarely swore. But everyone had their moments when they dearly wished to cuss the sky blue. Yet the words had become displaced somewhere on the short journey between brain and vocal cords.

“Fffff… fuuu-fluff Ack! Help, help! I’m being censored!”

Having shoved the panicky unicorn again, Vicky shook her head at Kaylee’s vain attempt to overcome the expurgation that seemed to be plaguing all of the recently pony-fied friends. “Yeah. Oddly enough, it’s the first thing I noticed, even before the hooves. Kinda leaves you in no doubt, where ever we are, it’s rated ‘PG’.”

“Friends!” Borvik announced, razing a stony hoof for attention. “We are all very much tired and suffering from our shenanigans. There is stream not far, plenty water for all and healthy greens on its banks.”

“Greens?” Echoed Vicky, sceptical of what possible value salad could serve against a blistering headache. Then again, fresh water was an attractive prospect none the less, one that enticed the lemony pony to follow her Polish acquaintance.

As roughly one herd, the four friends hobbled, hopped and stumbled through the underbrush. Between her wings snagging on brambles and a reluctance to discard the traffic cone, Kaylee was making the slowest progress. Several times the small group had to stop and help disentangle the pinto mare from some thorny thicket. Compounding the frustration, Borvik seemed to be the only one not having any trouble with his new body. Striding out ahead of the pack the Pegasus brushed aside branches and stomped down nettles like a graceful bulldozer.

Distant at first, the sounds of rapidly flowing water began to guide the herd through the dense undergrowth. Even while the source was still out of sight, it was clear that some element of Borvik description had been lost in translation, the echoes more that of a white rapid then a babbling brook. Emerging at last, the four ponies found themselves on the overgrown banks of a curving river. Though a slight bend in the water’s course had left a thin shallow shelf of mud along their side, the opposite bank was virtually sheer into the churning flow. Rising out of the slowest of the deeper section was a hunch of brilliant white fur, its owner apparently submerging themselves in the refreshing current.

Trotting into hoof deep mud, Borvik splashed into the gently swirling beck and called out for their final missing party member.

And that was when little Kaylee felt her heart stop.

In a rush of crystal water, the Stallion that must have been James erupted from the mirrored surface. Tossing back his majestic head, rivulets sprayed from a flowing mane of purest gold, splashing down upon his sleek white coat in a sheet of glistening droplets. Proudly his fluted horn strove towards the skies, beneath which soft demure features savoured the cooling water that cascaded down his toned withers.

Barely even aware of her steadily rising wings, Kaylee’s gaze traced upwards along pristine fetlocks and strong legs, lingering on a firm rump that bore the stylised horn of plenty, along with other note worthy endowments. Half lidded sapphire eyes met briefly with her own, sending a shiver of delight racing down the filly’s spine to converge on her-

‘Hang on a minute! What the hay is wrong with you woman? He’s a horse you freak!’

- stomach. Addled brain finally catching up to the imagery that was passing through it, Kaylee’s eyes bugged as she thrust her head into a convenient fern. Heaving into the unfortunate shrub, the confused girl turned considerable effort into repelling the abhorrent thoughts. Yet even against the barrage of Hugh Lorry and cologne models, they remained like hot ball bearings on the surface of her mind.

Glancing around wearily, the sick little pony watched Vicky and Darrel rushing straight to the water’s edge, eager to relieve their parched throats. While at least proffering a half-hearted greeting, neither of the other two mares seemed to have reacted to James’ appearance. Mind you, for Vicky this was mostly because she’d fallen short of the river and sucked up a mouth full of sloppy mud. On the other hand (or hoof) Borvik was studying their wayward fifth member with a look of mild confusion, as though the Euro-Pegasus didn’t quite believe his own eyes.

“Cool, you found them,” James observed, remarkably composed considering the extraordinary circumstances, “Sup’ everyone.”

Thankfully Brovik’s remarkable sense of timing saved the bush a second visitation from the pinto. Like a wall of privacy the grey stallion stepped up to the new unicorn, inadvertently severing Kaylee’s line of sight.

“Where did you get horn?” Asked the Pegasus, poking the tall addition to James’ head, “You did not have horn when I left.”

“Pretty sure I woke up with it, big guy.”

Attributing her delusions to alcohol poisoning, the pinto filly took the opportunity to escape and picked her way into the flow, flopping down when the water could engulf her entirely. Even under the influence of a hangover, the experience was something the young woman would never forget. Cool refreshing aqua flowed across her hot dusty coat, gently massaging every fibre of her being. Subconsciously spreading her wings ever so slightly, the current began to swirl around the stem of each feather, soothing in a way she had never felt before. Aching muscles in her withers and limbs began to gently vibrate in pleasure before surrendering entirely to the firstclass treatment they were receiving from this natural spar.

Sadly, the vain hope that the resulting emersion would drown out Vicky’s choking was foiled by her significantly enlarged head, upon which sensitive swivelling ears picked up every gosh-awful detail. But at the very least with her eyes shut there was no chance of inadvertent eye contact with the dripping wet stallion.

However, there was the other developing issue. Ponies aren’t really designed to sit with legs splayed out every which way. Even with her nose above the soothing water, she was finding cramps developing along irregularly stretched knees. Eventually the nagging aches penetrated her desire to relax, but getting her legs to fold beneath her was down to trial and error, involving much experimentation with joints that didn’t seem to face the right way anymore. Struggling for a moment to coordinate her four disobedient limbs, the new filly eventually managed to pull each leg into a more natural fold.

Finding herself sitting in relative comfort on the pebbly riverbed, Kaylee studied the peculiar Doppler affect her mobile ears created, experimenting with ‘listening’ at each of her ill-fated companions.

“- not be so bad.” Choked James’ voice, straining to muster a reassuring tone against the urge to burst out laughing, “I mean, most guys don’t get to experience what you’re getting without major surgery.”

“Dah, think of it as ‘trial account’.” Added the deep tones of Borvik, the sloshing of water indicating that he too was entering the deeper parts of the river.

“This is serious guys!”

A whimper of discontent followed the rhythmic crunching of gravel under hoof, an image of Rarity’s hoof stomping hissy fit bringing a smirk to the listening mere’s lips.

“What if we’re stuck here! What If I’m stuck like this!! I never even got to have-”

“Everyone shut up and come take a look at this!” Hollered Vicky, obliterating the end of Darrel’s culture shocked rant as she stomped past towards the opposing bank.

Cautiously opening her eyes by the narrowest fraction, Kaylee turned her attention to the other natural female of the party. The earth pony was about ten feet away, up to her belly in the water and staring fixedly up at a tinge of blue on the sheer embankment. From this distance it was impossible to tell, but it looked like the leaves of some slender plant poking out from the ferns at the edge of the water line.

With only minor stumbles, the boys carefully hobbled past the recumbent Kaylee and joined Vicky in her staring contest with the splodge of colour.

James was the first to break the substantial disbelief, blowing a warbling ‘ooh’ as he searched for a low whistle with his now abnormally shaped mouth.

“Is what I think it is?” Nickered Borvik, wings fluttering uneasily.

Vicky nodded distantly, “A lot more vivid close up, aren’t they?”

“This is… good. Right?” Darrel asked slowly, turning the question for taste and finding it too cheesy for his presently sane pallet. “At least we know where we are now, and that means we can’t be far from civilisation.”

Well that clinched it; she had to know what was going on. Casting her mind back to working in her aunt’s stables, Kaylee visualised how a horse stood up naturally, replicating the motion slowly with some effort. Most surprisingly, getting up was easier then it appeared. The trick lay in treating each leg as its own pivot, lifting the front first and keeping her substantial weight centred as the back legs lifted her rump from the swill of water.

Hobbling across the submerged rocks, Kaylee finally drew level with her gathered friends. Presently the company was in deep philosophical discussion about the cannon origins of the small, bright blue blossoms that were poking out of the undergrowth.

“-it’s the only place we’ve seen them in the show itself.” Finished Borvik, hoping to put an end to such ridiculous world altering statements.

Vicky rallied magnificently despite her throbbing head, never one to turn away a darn good row. “But Zecora recognised them immediately, suggesting they could be from her home land!”

“She’s right Bor’.” James agreed. “Just because there’s one poison joke plant here doesn’t mean we’re definitely in the Everfree forest.”

“Umm, there’s more than one plant though.” Interjected Darrel, pointing to the blossoms and nearly over balancing. “Five here, maybe more.”

Noticing the presence of further evidence, Borvik gestured a hoof towards another patch that had apparently been overlooked, “See. There’s some more over there too. Where else would you find so many?”

An unnerving quietus had fallen upon the Pegasus’s opponents, both now glancing back at the small bouquets of flowers that seemed to fill the majority of the bush in front of them. What had started out as a small smudge of a plant seemed have spread unseen to every gap in the underbrush.

“James.” Vicky asked, cautiously following her advocator as he began to back away from the embankment. “How many plants were here when you walked over.”

Kaylee was utterly bemused. So there were a few more plants then they’d first noticed, was this really something to panic over? And despite their reputation, she had to admit the plants were quite beautiful. Intricate flutes of sinuous gossamer petals and curling stems, each bell like flower would easily fill cupped hands, yet lacked that leathery texture that befell many larger blooms. And oh the colours! A veritable painter’s pallet of soft hues ranged from navy blue to moonlight white, none too over powering in their quantity or dominant in quality.

“What’s wrong?” She said, finally turning back to her gradually retreating friends, “It’s just flou..ers..”

It took several moments for the filly’s addled brain to process exactly what new impossibility had just taken place, by which time her mouth had already taken the initiative.

“DON’T MOVE!”

As though hit by a freeze ray the four backpedalling ponies instantly halted mid step. Like some terrible revelation had stolen away her voice, Kaylee gestured mutely for her friends to turn around, each craning their long necks to observe what had left the paint mare so flabbergasted.

Not three steps behind them, where the clear pebbly bank should have been, a carpet of blue flowers now coated every conceivable surface. Between them poked grasses and short thickets, every other detail suggesting that the blooms had been there all along.

“Der’megah..” Borvik whispered as a slight rising panic beginning to over taking his confusion. “Where did they come from?”

Taking a long breath, Vicky stepped backwards until she was level with Kaylee again. “Okay, there must be some way around the other bank. Let’s just-” And at this point she turned to look at the other embankment, virtually nose to stem with a wall of blue, “Bwahahaa!”

As one pony, the herd of friends rocket to the midmost point of the river, practically clinging to each other while trying to keep their eyes on all the blooms at once.

“Celestia’s beard! It’s like Quantum Poison Joke! No one Blink!”

James glanced up and immediately regretted it. “Oh Buck-a-doodle-do, they’re right across the canopy.”

“What do we do! Wha’da’we’doWha’da’we’do!” Yelled Darrel, practically beside herself with fright.

Vicky at last retrieved her level head and panted her hooves into the waters, turning to the rest as the voice of leadership. “Look, everyone stop panicking. They can’t reach us in the water, so we’ll walk slowly and carefully downstream until-“

A gust of wind ruffled the green follicles of her mane, carrying with it a gentle rain of blue petals that landed in the water a little way up stream.

“New plan. RUN!”

Some chapters away, a cyan Pegasus giggled hysterically to herself in the privacy of her cloud forged home. Though this wasn’t exactly the latest endeavours of ‘Daring Do’, the ‘write your own adventure’ story she’d found at Twilight’s was proving to be just as much entertainment. Most of the pages were filled with some mumbo-jumbo scribbles that no pony could make sense of. Twilight had taken a bash at deciphering the front page, but by the look of things she’d given up after only a few hastily scrawled notes. Of course, that didn’t matter.

What really mattered was the most totally awesome enchantment that had been placed upon the simple bound volume. One word from the reader written anywhere on a blank page, and events would flow around it in real time, like an instruction. Pictures of the four ponies running and falling down the rocky stream drew themselves in intricate detail, the scribbled nonsense now occasionally containing the word ‘Poison Joke’ in her own hoof writing. This, along with a few other words Twilight had tested, now gave her enough to gather what was actually going on within the story itself.

As the next picture began to spill across the blank page, the young mare tossed her multi-coloured mane and lamented that the story was becoming boring again, the four adventurers now floating down a wide river whilst clinging to a broken log. They seemed to be arguing.

“Let’s see.” She muttered, tapping a hoof to her chin. “If this was Daring Do, what would happen next?”

A light bulb seemed to popup somewhere behind the Pegasus’s eye’s, brightening them with the shear ‘awsomausity’ of her Idea.

Carefully, Rainbow Dash picked up her pencil and wrote the word; ‘Waterfall’.

Comments

[clap2times]

I understood it up to The choose your own adventure... So there in Rainbow Dash's book dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png ? That was a total mind screw... Also long time no update, was just about to go to bed. Oh well, who needs sleep?