The Dark Emperor Shepherd was sitting on the throne, giving Applejack a very thorough and pleasing bellyrub, while Raven Quill ran him through his itinerary.

Raven: "And after the press interview, you will give your State of Equestria speech to Parliament."

Shepherd: "Wait, I have to make a speech?"

Raven: "Of course. The Princesses were meant to give the same speech, but since you are in power, you must do it."

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Shepherd and Twilight are cleaning up the library, which is blackened and crispy. Shepherd is less than amused.

Shepherd: "So... She set fire to the palace. Again."

Twilight: "YES! Yes, she set fire to the palace. Again. I'm trying to teach her that magic isn't the solution to every problem in life!"

Shepherd: "What was the problem that involved setting fire to everything?"

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Starlight Glimmer and Shepherd go to try and make peace with the Changelings...

Shepherd: "Hello Queen Bug-Pony! I am here with Starlight Glimmer to try and make peace."

Chrysalis: "Oh, are you? I find that interesting-"

Shepherd opens his coat, revealing a strange device strapped to his chest.

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Shepherd looked down upon the Pelennor Fields, as the Rohirrim charged upon the armies of Mordor. He smiled, almost grimly, as the Riders of Rohan rode to sweep the orcs heroically.

He blinked, as Twilight appeared next to him.

Shepherd: "Eh?! Twilight?!"

Twilight: "Ah, I'm sorry Shepherd. I was experimenting with a dream walking spell Luna taught me... I can leave if you'd like-"

Shepherd: "No, no... It's okay. Anything to help you grow in your education, I guess."

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During the clean up of the Changeling assault on Canterlot, Shepherd finds a Changeling body near some rubble. He kneels down, looking upon the Changeling. Luna trots up alongside him.

Luna: "... What are you thinking, Shepherd?"

Shepherd: "I don't know. What do you think I am thinking?"

Luna: "Despite this being our enemy, you feel sad at his passing?"

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Shining: "You know... Shepherd, I know it's a tall order but I want you to date my sister."

Shepherd: "I... Wha?"

Shining: "You've been keeping her from destroying the planet. We're clearly going to need you to keep doing that."

Shepherd: "That's going to be a full time job!"

Shining: smiles "There are a lot of perks and benefits?"

Shepherd: "In other words it's way too good to be true, like any dream job."

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Twilight: "You can't do this! The power of love will overcome your hatred! You love us like... Like Juliet loved Hamlet!"

Discord!Shepherd: "My love is irrelevant and Juliet didn't love Hamlet! She loved Romeo!"

Pinkie: "Ohhh! Right! Hamlet loved Helen of Troy!"

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Twilight groaned as she read through the latest form she had to review. She drooped deeply as her tired eyes focused on the lines of the text... But they were beginning to swim before her.

"Nnnngh... No... Gotta keep... Going," she mumbled.

Shepherd sighed and picked Twilight up. She began to squirm.

"Nnnnoooo! Let me go! I have work to dooo..." Twilight moaned. Shepherd shook his head and carried her to her bedroom. He kicked open the door, walked in, and set her down on her bed.

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Humanity is publishing PHYSICAL copies of the first volume of his series, "The Lost Element." Volume 1 is in two parts, Part One is $10, Part Two is $12. This link'll take you to his blog post. Click the links below for immediate access to Lulu, where the books are being sold. LET'S SUPPORT HUMANITY!!! WOOOO!!!

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One of these days, I'm going to figure out how to keep Yukari out of my house. It's bad enough that she's been visiting me without permission; now she's playing my video games, too.

(And yes, I'm trying to stay in character for this. If she were an actual living being, I'm sure she'd be doing a lot worse than just playing my computer. I'm not that deluded.)

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Deep in the Everfree Forest, in the ancient ruins of the Castle of the Two Sisters... Twilight Sparkle has at last reached the Elements of Harmony with her plucky band of friends!

That's the good news. The bad news is...

Nightmare Moon: "Shadowbolts! Seek out and destroy Celestia's Apprentice!"

Shepherd: "WAIT! Wait, you don't have to do that!" *He got in front of her* "I promise you don't!"

Nightmare Moon: "She travels here even now to destroy me!"

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Linkee Doo

Text for reference:

My, it’s certainly been awhile since I gave you all an update. About three months or so, going off my last blogpost, and Hand in Hoof hasn’t been updated in months. I suppose after that length of time has past, I might as well give you an answer.

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So, on something of a whim I bought this drawing tablet. I've always wanted to be better with art, and I have access to the full (but old) Photoshop suite, so I figured what the hell, time to learn. But, my hands have the steadiness of a meth addict sucking on a jackhammer, so I 100% need digital aid in this pursuit. I spent the last several hours playing around with it,

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Twilight Velvet: "So. You're our future son in law?"

Shepherd: "Well we haven't gotten that far-"

Twilight Velvet: "Make us a grandfoal! Right now!"

Nightlight: "Go on! Now!"

Shepherd: "Why exactly are they so pushy?"

Twilight: "Ugh, they were like this when I had my first heat."

Twilight Velvet then uses her magic to push Twilight and Andrew into her daughters’ room, and locking it from the outside.

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Jesus, has it really been four months since my last post on this thing? Too long, I say! Far too long. To that end, let us dispense with 2016 and all its maleficence and discuss things going on in the new year.

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Shining Armor slowly came to, and took quick notes on his situation: His horn had a magic resistant ring around it, he was tied up, and he was sitting in a chair. No doubt he was about to be interrogated and tortured by the Evil Dark Emperor Shepherd.

Shepherd: "Oh hey, he's coming around!"

He opened his eyes to deliver a spirited declaration that he would never break and Long Live Celestia and Luna... And his declaration stalled out as he perceived his surroundings.

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I have to admit, I am strongly tempted to turn these Hands shorts (some of them anyway) into actual stories in order to get more views and likes-I MEAN to share the joy of writing this with others! Yes, that's what I meant.

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Twilight: "Shining... You know... One day, you will... I mean, Cadence is... Is immortal. And you're-"

Shining: "I know. I'm not. I'm fully aware of it."

Twilight: "Then... Then how do you-?"

Shining: "By cherishing every moment with her. And living to make our life together have meaning, and love."

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