• Member Since 27th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Andrew Joshua Talon


Just a fellow traveler...

More Blog Posts282

  • 1 week
    Plot Bunny Theater: Have you Ever Heard the Tragedy of King Sombra?

    Deep in the Canterlot Archives sits a small, unassuming black pyramid-shaped artifact. Left alone, it has been collecting dust for centuries. But one day, the princess's own apprentice Twilight Sparkle happens across it. She is briefly interested, but is then distracted by finding her actual quarry... Until she hears a voice in her head.

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    9 comments · 195 views
  • 1 week
    Plot Bunny Theater: Prince Knightmare

    Twilight Sparkle is in Golden Oaks Library, hoping to get away from the hardcore partying on the night of the Summer Sun Festival. She goes downstairs, fumbling in the dark as her horn isn't casting much light.

    Also, Pinkie Pie is bouncing after her.

    Pinkie: "So did you like the hot sauce prank? I can make it hotter if you'd like! Or get you vodka! You look like a vodka drinker!"

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    6 comments · 185 views
  • 3 weeks
    A Joke for Modern Times

    A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

    "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

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    9 comments · 346 views
  • 4 weeks
    Plot Bunny Theater: Cutie Mark Crusader Necromancers YAYYYYY

    The Cutie Mark Crusaders got their hooves on a book of necromancy, and try to use it to raise Applebloom's pet mouse from the dead.
    Applebloom: "Aw shucks... This stupid spell ain't workin' at all!"
    As the rest of the Ponyville Graveyard rises from the grave
    Applebloom: "Mister Squeakers ain't ever comin' back!"
    Bright Mac: "Howdy Applebloom!"
    Pear Butter: "Howdy little one!"

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    5 comments · 168 views
  • 4 weeks
    Final Fantasy VII Remake

    Final Fantasy VII-X are key games in my childhood... Well okay, my teenagerhood. And they're very close to my heart. So the remake understandably had to be very, very high quality. I mean, I'd been hurt before by Star Wars. Star Trek. Doctor Who. Hell, even Final Fantasy has been fucked up lately.

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    10 comments · 183 views
Nov
30th
2019

Hands: The Stars Revolt! Part 3 · 5:58pm Nov 30th, 2019

Deep in the Everfree Forest, in the ancient ruins of the Castle of the Two Sisters... Twilight Sparkle has at last reached the Elements of Harmony with her plucky band of friends!

That's the good news. The bad news is...

Nightmare Moon: "Shadowbolts! Seek out and destroy Celestia's Apprentice!"

Shepherd: "WAIT! Wait, you don't have to do that!" *He got in front of her* "I promise you don't!"

Nightmare Moon: "She travels here even now to destroy me!"

Shepherd: "Okay, maybe she is... Or... Maybe she's just coming because she thinks you kidnapped her... *sigh* Coltfriend. Wouldn't you go out to rescue a loved one?"

Nightmare Moon: "Hmmmm... I still think she seeks to destroy me!"

Shepherd: Why did I have to get kidnapped by the one evil alicorn that's read the Evil Overlord's List?! "Okay, look. Why don't I give you belly rubs for as long as you like? And not send the Shadowbolts to destroy her?"

Nightmare Moon: "I already sent them. But you can give me bellyrubs anyway!"

Shepherd: *sighs* "I'm not giving bellyrubs to you anymore."

Nightmare Moon: "What?! You cannot deny me! YOU ARE MY CONSORT!"

Shepherd: "Look you crazy horse, you're the one who decided that! I didn't have any input! You just kidnapped me!"

Nightmare Moon: "That is the way of Nightmare Moon! Now! BELLY RUBS!"

Shepherd: "No! Bad Nightmare Moon! No belly rubs!"

Nightmare Moon: "Grrr... What if we make a bargain?"

Shepherd: "Will you let the sun rise again?"

Nightmare Moon: "No!"

Shepherd: "Then no bellyrubs!"

Some time later, Twilight Sparkle makes it into the Palace while her friends held off the Shadowbolts. She was expecting to be challenged by Nightmare Moon... She wasn't expecting this.

Nightmare Moon: *Nose up in the air* "Hmph! Your bellyrubs aren't that good anyway!"

Shepherd: "Fine!" *Drawing things in the dust on the floor* "Then you won't miss them! Or the ear scritches, either!"

Nightmare Moon: "I-I can go without those forever! I will get a new consort! A trained ape! He'll be better!"

Shepherd: *shrugs* "Fine by me!"

Nightmare Moon: "... Nnngh... How about one hour of sunlight a day?"

Shepherd: "No."

Nightmare Moon: "Two hours!"

Shepherd: "No!"

Nightmare Moon: "Come onnnn..." *She nuzzled him, but he pushed her away* "Three!"

Shepherd: "You know what number I want."

Twilight: Stares at this ridiculous situation, then trots over to get the Elements of Harmony. Which she tries to activate... And they fail "What?! No!"

Nightmare Moon: "... YOU!" *She glares at Shepherd* "YOU WERE DISTRACTING ME THE ENTIRE TIME!"

Shepherd: "Ummmm... Well, kind of, yes?" *He is thrown through the nearest wall* "GAH!"

Nightmare Moon: She grabs Twilight, and smashes the Elements with a stomp of her hoof "You two planned this together, didn't you?!"

Twilight: "AH! I-We didn't-!"

Shepherd: *Staggers up, bleeding, panting hard* "No! No, she's just an apprentice! She didn't know anything! If you want to hurt someone, hurt me! Just... Just leave her alone, please!"

Nightmare Moon: "Well... Now that the Elements are destroyed, it doesn't really matter, does it?!" *She teleports next to Shepherd and holds him up with her tentacles, choking him* "I'll kill him in front of you before I finish you off, so you'll get to see everything you care about die! The Elements, and your feeble resistance!"

Twilight: "No... No, the Elements aren't gone! They were with me... The entire time! Honesty! Kindness! Generosity! Loyalty! Laughter! They were with me from the start!"

Nightmare Moon: "You still lack the sixth element, foal!"

Twilight: "No... Because I know what it is now!" *She begins to light up, as do the shattered Elements. Her friends are teleported in, and all gain necklaces of their Cutie Marks. Twilight herself gains a crown* "The Sixth Element is Magic... The Magic... OF FRIENDSHIP!"

A gigantic rainbow beam blasts from the six ponies, washing over Nightmare Moon and Shepherd. Nightmare Moon screams as Shepherd is dropped. He and the dark alicorn vanish in the beam...

And when it fades away, Shepherd is healed, and Nightmare Moon is a small, blue colored alicorn princess. Princess Celestia arrives, Twilight hugs her... And then she rushes over to Shepherd, still on the floor.

Twilight: "Are you all right?!"

Shepherd: "Ah... Actually, I feel... Great! All things considered." *He smiled at her* "Hey... You did great."

Twilight: *Blushes* "You too... You didn't have to sacrifice yourself for me, you know."

Shepherd: "Well... You know... Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one."

Twilight: "Huh?"

Shepherd: "Just words of wisdom spoken by a great Vulcan philosopher. Back on Earth."

Twilight: "Well. Um... Thank you."

Shepherd: *smiles back* "Thank you."

Dash: "JUST KISS ALREADY!"

The rest of the Element Holders make catcalls and whistles, as Celestia reconnects with Luna, her little sister. The moon alicorn blushes severely at the scene.

Twilight: *Bright red* "We-We're not that-WE'RE NOT LIKE THAT!"

Shepherd: "Seriously! Nightmare Moon just assumed we were together! And she was crazy!" *Looks over at Luna* "No offense."

Luna: "No, no, she was insane. We are so sorry for what she did to you."

Shepherd: "Well, it's all right. It wasn't you."

Luna: "Ahem. Of course, having taken hold of my horn, thou must become my betrothed to save us both from shame-"

Shepherd and Twilight: "Wait, what?!"

Celestia: *laughs softly, and nuzzles her sister* "Sister dear, that is no longer the custom."

Luna: *blush* "Oh..."

Celestia: "You simply ask him on a date!"

Luna: *brightens* "Well then-!"

Twilight: "NO! I-I mean... You need to recover first! And catch up! There's so much you've missed in the last thousand years!"

Celestia: *laughs* "I must agree, sister dear."

Luna: "Oh... Very well." *She smiled at Shepherd* "We hope to see you soon!"

Shepherd: "Um... Certainly?"

Celestia: "And you, Andrew Shepherd? I hope you will continue to help Twilight Sparkle as she studies the magic of friendship. It may lead to a way back to your home, eventually."

Shepherd: "N-No problem, Your Highness."

Celestia: "Indeed! Given you were directly struck by the Elements and left unharmed, you could contribute immensely! Perhaps you could stay with Twilight Sparkle in her new home?"

Twilight: *Bright red* "S-Stay? With me?!"

Pinkie Pie: "Oooh! You might need this for your studies!" *She hoofs her a copy of the Pony Sutra*

Twilight: "Wha-WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THAT?!"

Pinkie Pie: *Beams* "I believe in being very prepared!"

Shepherd: *Face in his palms*

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Comments ( 7 )

Twilight: "Wha-WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THAT?!"

:pinkiesmile: "Oh, it's not mine! It's Fluttershy's!"
:fluttershbad: "... No comment."

...and now there is part of me that wants to see Shepherd as the meat in a Nightmare Moon/Daybreaker evil alicorn sandwich.

Oh no. Now Luna is part of the pony pileup!

5162303
Not seeing a problem with that.

5162299
Not seeing a problem with that either.

Pinkie Pie: *Beams* "I believe in being very prepared!"

If you're looking for adventure of a
new and different kind
And you come across a pony who is
similarly inclined
Don't be nervous, don't be flustered, don't be scared
Be prepared!

I wish this was an official story so I could upvote it

I really need to make the time to reread this fic...

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