Mort, also known as the Pale Pony (of Death), has been tasked to take time off from his rigorous duties of reaping souls. Seeking guidance, he is directed towards the town of Ponyville, to learn about the magic of friendship from Twilight Sparkle and her friends. All he needs to do is keep his true nature a secret. That shouldn't be too difficult...right?

Special thanks to Specter-Von-Baren and Pyrite Foolsgold for their help in proofreading and editing this story, as I really needed it. Additional thanks to Pilate, Chuckle5, Unimpressive Vagaries and Admiral Biscuit as well! Couldn't have done it without all their help!

Credit for the title card goes to Siansaar, AKA Carnifex.

For another excellent take on Mort, check out Sip's version!

WARNING: EXTREME LANGUAGE AND HOMOPHOBIC/RACIST SLURS. The views expressed by my characters are not my views. If you're easily offended by a piece of comedy, don't read. If you complain about it being offensive, then you're obviously not listening to me.

We're on Chapter 1. The majority of the major characters ahve not appeared yet. If this goes against the site rules, inform me and I will edit accordingly.

R. Lee Ermey wakes with a splicing headache. Where is he? He'll soon find out.

R. Lee Ermey crashed into Ponyville.

Join Ermey and the mane 6 as they work through a series of wacky adventures comparable to absolutely horrendous movies like 'Click', 'Jack and Jill' and 'AnyAdamSandlerMovieEverMade'. A completely nonsensical, fic. Written for the pure enjoyment of those mindless sheep who watch Fox News and Family Guy. Sorry Adam Sandler, Fox News and Family Guy fans. But your sense of comedy is just as terrible as mine. So we're all together in this one.