Fic recs, March 25th: scaroe89 edition! · 6:01pm Mar 25th, 2020

Now that that's over, we move ahead to the next reader channel: Stephen Caroe! Judging by my notes, the first reading of his I heard was actually on the Doom Pie Network, so this is my first time stepping into his channel proper. It seems he's moved on to animating things, though, and hasn't done pony stuff for the last six years. List of previously reviewed stories:

Cloud Wander's Short Cakes
Soothing Stone's Pinkie Pie Discovers Coffee
Invictus's Magic, and Mayhem, and… Murder? Oh My…
Blueshift's Rainbow Dash and the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
Thorax's Double Sun Power
fattymagee1's Applejack Takes a Math Test
bookplayer's A Fact for Twilight
shortskirtsandexplosions's Hiccups
and I Wrote This at 5 in the Morning Because I Couldn't Sleep

Now for an experience which made me reflect on how I try to evaluate readers via their newest reading, because if I'd started near the beginning of this channel, I'd have passed him quickly by. Plus a milestone!

H: 1 R: 3 C: 9 V: 4 N: 11

Two Mares in a (Banana) Boat by TheBandBrony
Reading
Genre: Pony Discovers X
Twilight has breakfast problems.
(Dear god, I wish he'd edited this reading at all, fucking loud-ass dogs barking in the middle. >.<) So it's really weird to think about ponies not knowing what a banana is, and that is the basis of this story's joke. I mean, we've definitely seen banana peels used as practical jokes in the show, but it's possible that never happened prior to, say, Pinkie Pride? Unfortunately, "bananas are hard to open" does not stretch easily into this much jokeage, and this is just about Twilight and Pinkie acting as outlandish as possible while confronted with an otherwise mundane task. The writing's not bad, I just didn't really find anything to like here.
Not Recommended

Scootaloo's Parents by Carmine
Reading
Genre: Random Comedy
There's a reason no one's ever met Scootaloo's parents.
In hindsight, I should have seen this coming. And the damnable thing is, I swear I read a story with this exact same premise last year. I won't hold that against this, but nevertheless, I can't imagine this was offering anything terribly original even when it came out.
Recommended Only If You Like Old Memes

Two Peas in a Pod by Blueshift
Reading
Reading by Savrin Drake
Genre: Blueshift Fic
With Princess Celestia poised to reveal all the changelings left in Equestria, Twilight has something to confess.
Wow, you guys, I can't believe I never reviewed this before! It's like, the quintessential Blueshift fic, not to mention an old favorite! :O Why is it so great? Well, there's the ridiculous punchline, telegraphed by the title and cover art, which takes a single line from a song and morphs it into a dramedy of surreal proportions. Better than that is Twilight's speech near the end, a terrifically juvenile play on words that I'm sure was the entire raison d'être of this piece. And of course, this isn't a one-joke fic either, featuring an overly paranoid Applejack and fearful Fluttershy. And shipping. Years later, this story is still hilarious, and the kind of thing only Blueshift could have brought us.
Highly Recommended

Get Lost (In a Book) by Kavonde
Reading
Reading by BleedingRaindrops
Genre: Light Comedy
Twilight's new book just arrived. Now if only anypony would let her read it.
Boy do I hate when someone describes or reads a story in a story and I'm like, "Where do I read that?" There's not much to this, the comedy being light if inoffensive. I was pleased to see things come together in an episode kind of way toward the end, but there wasn't much indication that would be happening early on. So overall, this isn't bad, but neither is it memorable.
Recommended If You Like Show-Tone Comedy

Sonic Boom to Sonic Rainboom by Mat the Brawler
Reading (part 1)
Genre: Sonic the Hedgehog Crossover
I hate that I can't even say this is the worst Sonic crossover I've ever read. I mean, thank god there's no Romance tag. (Though I curse that title for reminding me of From Justin to Kelly for even a second.) But yeah. If the crossover source doesn't clue you in to the ream of poor writing within this, the sub-1k chapters ought to. This is the kind of story that drove Twilight Snarkle to write From Chaos, so thanks I guess? But really, this isn't worth mention.
Not Recommended: DNF 3/17

Pinkie Pie Creates the Universe by Final_Scratch
Reading
Genre: Random Comedy
Of course, she destroys it first.
I have to say, I feel like this did over-the-top right, starting with the exceedingly confusing introduction. I mean, just go look at it, it's absolutely insane. The punchline is kind of pat, but that's also a function of age. I liked this a lot more than I thought I would.
Recommended

Sentence Enhancers by Gunsmith
Reading
Genre: Spongebob Ponification
Pinkie and Rainbow learn a new word.
Literally everything associated with this story outright says, "This is a Spongebob ripoff," and it is. For the second time ever, I've needed to watch an episode of that show to verify just how ripped off an MLP fanfic is, and, well, I just watched the story being played back at me, almost in its entirety. And along with being unoriginal (there's maybe two extra jokes, minus all the ones cut out), this doesn't even adapt the source material well. I mean, you have to wonder why Pinkie and Dash are acting the way they do; the answer is "because they're Spongebob and Patrick". So while I wouldn't say to avoid this, you could just watch the episode and have the same effect. I'm glad we grew out of doing this as a fandom. Because we've grown out of it. Right?
Not Recommended

Gummy Saves Equestria by crimsongraph
Reading with MultiFanficADay
Genre: Over-the-Top Comedy
Whenever Equestria is in trouble, Gummy the alligator will be there to save it.
I'm not sure this one does over-the-top with quite the right amount of restraint. It is funny how Gummy defeats the various threats he comes across, his power growing to mythic proportions over time. But I definitely had a hard time concentrating on this because of the two idiots reading it. <.< It was amusing.
Recommended If You Like Random Comedy

Scootaloo the Chicken by Tamarazashi
Reading
Genre: Old Memes
This is one of the most pointless stories I have ever read. Pointless visit to Zecora, weird pony with literally no character, Scootaloo being turned into a chicken. Not to mention LUS and failing the Zecora Test. I'm going to give the sequel a pass.
Not Recommended

Cuddling Ensues by The fic man
Reading
Reading by VisualPony
Genre: I Can't Believe It's Not My Little Dashie
Seriously, even the first comment invokes the titan's name. But I guess this author just wanted to write a fluff piece about a filly Rainbow Dash seeking comfort from you in a thunderstorm. If you're into second-person Pony on Earth fics, it won't be the worst thing you ever read, it's just pretty thin.
Vaguely Recommended

Blind Spot by Alicorn_Avionics
Reading
Genre: Horror
Applejack learns about a flaw every pony has.
Yaknow, this could have been a halfway decent horror story based on a fact of biology if not for, well, everything if I'm being honest. Applejack's reaction at the start of the story really put me off, it doesn't make any sense. The "introduce a new fact that will become important for the horror later" bit is tried and true, but still hokey. Above all else… what the hell is going on? What are these supposed to be, aside from "worse than changelings"? And the music didn't help. This just needed a different approach.
Not Recommended

Everfree and the Poisoned Flower by Benman
Reading
200th Review of 2020!
Genre: Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, there were two sisters who lived in the woods and didn't have their cutie marks.
Hey, here's an oldie-but-goodie I read a while back. I love the way this is told, Fluttershy (I think) telling the CMCs a bedtime story, but her parts of the conversation are all we get to see. As for the story itself, I like how the inclusion of Coyote could be taken as some version of Discord. That said, I was kind of disappointed it ended more like a ghost story than a just-so, trying to explain some aspect of the Everfree Forest. Regardless, it's a good read.
Recommended

Illegal Sanity by Milk Mind
Reading
Genre: Dark
They lock me in this room and call me crazy. But I am not crazy.
I spent most of this story waiting for the reveal. A bad OC name and a suicide is not what this needed. Given the maybe decent portrayal of poor life at a sanitarium, this is the kind of thing I might expect to see in a journal or audio log in a Fallout: Equestria side story. But taken as a story in itself? Meh. He's obviously crazy, and his attempts to convince us of the opposite fall short, to no particular purpose. Give it a pass, not that that's hard to do.
Not Recommended

The Dark by TranscriptBrony
Reading
Genre: Basically Cupcakes
Oh boy, Pinkie Pie is crazy and she likes killing ponies and turning them into 'art'. Please.
Not Recommended

The Tragic Tragedy by Regidar
Reading
Genre: Random Comedy
It's so tragic, you guys.
Thank god, Regidar's here to save us from awful darkfic. This gets a little 'lol random' at times, but I had some honest, genuine laughs from its insanity. Not a great fic by any stretch, but I'll fucking take it.
Recommended

Soarin' Loses His Pie by Obalie
Reading
Genre: Random Comedy
Who will save it?
Unoriginal joke, lackluster execution, pleb-tier ship. You see why I was really into that last story.
Not Recommended

A Hearth's Warming Carol by PonyToast
Reading
Genre: It's a Wonderful Life
Rainbow Dash is having a bad Hearth's Warming Eve.
Yeah, this one's on GDocs. Worth noting there's a PonyToast on Fimfic, but that's fandom musician ExplodingPonyToast, and there's no evidence he actually wrote this. Regardless, this story is… I mean, the question of "What would happen if Rainbow Dash was never born?" is easily answered. We knew what would happen immediately after Cutie Mark Chronicles. This does take some time to explore what her friends would be up to — either doing bad things, suffering alone or dead — which is really melodramatic and, if I'm being honest, a much more interesting idea eight years ago. Thus, I can't say this is bad, but it didn't age well.
Vaguely Recommended

Fluttershy plays Slendermane by WaffleMuffin
Reading with Mat the Brawler
Genre: Ponies Playing Video Games
What it says on the tin.
Gee, Mat the Brawler doesn't sound like someone who would write a terrible Sonic crossover. I'd say more about him as a reader, but his channel is empty, so oh well. Anyway, it occurred to me while listening to this that fandom VA Vannamelon has a "Fluttershy Plays" video series, and watching that would be a far better use of your time than trying to read this overly detailed, unfunny slog. I mean, the author even says they wrote it without any proofreading or editing, so you're really getting what you pay for, here.
Not Recommended

Our Gifts by The Descendant
Reading (part 1)
Genre: Holiday Special
Twilight was really looking forward to Hearth's Warming, until she realized she forgot one very special gift.
Quick reminder that Descendant hasn't been seen on Fimfiction since 2016. :( So this was all right, Desc once again exercising his favorite pastime: figuring out Twilight and Spike's relationship. The second half of this gets very intentionally into that question and comes up with a pretty unique answer. That said, I had some reservations. This is paced excruciatingly deliberately (a fact the reading did not help with), likely in the name of getting the full breadth of Sparkle family shenanigans on the page. Also, it's very… patriarchal? Word usage around Night Light and Shining Armor reminded me very unfortunately of Nyx's Family, a criticism I never thought I'd level at one of Descendant's stories. But it ends on a truly heartwarming note, and really, I was just pleased to be reading him again.
Recommended for Fans of Twilight and Spike

Upon a Snowy Hearth's Warming by Gallifrey
Reading
Genre: Slice of Life
Luna overdoes the Hearth's Warming decorations.
This is kind of two stories, one following Twilight and her friends, the other in Canterlot, focused on the princesses. The latter I quite enjoyed; it's got good Best Sister shenanigans, and Luna's antics were most amusing. Twilight's section on the other hand is… weird. A lot of it is light and cute, all well and good, but this is taking place in an Equestria that's both Earth analogue and very British. Like, the ponies use things like mince pies and Christmas crackers, and they have radios and XBoxes, I am not even kidding. Rainbow Dash spends a lot of time cracking sexual jokes, and there's a long scene where she teases Twilight about liking Soarin', which prompts Twilight to think back over all the dates Rainbow's been setting her up on, and it just has nothing to do with the story. Still, this was a pretty nice read, and if nothing else, it's worth it for the Luna scenes and a piece of very unusual headcanon.
Recommended If You're in the Holiday Spirit

It's the End of Equestria as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) by Regidar
Reading
Genre: Filk?
Twilight starts freaking out about the pony version of the Mayan apocalypse, Pinkie shows up and sings a bad parody of the title song, Twilight learns an important lesson, the end. But I'm not kidding when I say the parody is really bad — doesn't fit the meter, uses the original lyrics when none could be substituted — and it takes up maybe half of the word count. And it's a shame, because the story around it is actually a fun random comedy. So, just know what you're getting into with this one.
Vaguely Recommended

The Greatest Story Ever Written by Regidar
Reading
Genre: Trollfic
While neither the greatest story nor the greatest trollfic I have ever read, I'm always up for a good red-and-black alicorn with a tragic past and a sword. Once this finds its steam, it's good fun.
Troll Recommended

If It Can Be Remembered… by Shotoman
Reading
Genre: Doctor Who Crossover
Two Doctors come face-to-face.
Matt Smith's run ended my watch of the new Doctor Who, so I can't really evaluate his bits of this. It's a shame, because I suspect that's actually the dramatic meat here. To be sure, the meeting isn't terribly well handled, dragging on a little too long in the "let's figure out who we are!" category. But this did at least have something interesting to say about the Doctor, whatever shape he might be in.
Recommended for Doctor Who Fans

Of Honor and Duty by Darkswirl
Reading
Reading by Lotus Moon
Genre: Historic/Sad
Try as they might, the Royal Guard could not stand against Nightmare Moon.
So this is about Royal Guards trying to take on Nightmare Moon and things not going well. I don't know what else to say. A transparent ploy for feels, pathetic fallacy, 5/7 it's okay.
Vaguely Recommended

Four Mares, a Computer and Slenderpony by The Princess Rarity
Reading
Genre: Ponies Playing Video Games
The power went out at my house halfway through this reading, and you know what? I can't be arsed to finish it. This is unoriginal, unfunny, and I literally just did one exactly like it. Fuck it.
Not Recommended

Fluttershy's Tail by Alexstrazsa
Reading
Genre: Random Comedy
She keeps finding things stuck in it.
Huh, another one I read long ago. Man, what a weird story. A lot of it is memes, though many are pretty obtuse. Mostly, the fun is in the way Fluttershy's bizarre situation is described so matter-of-factly. Very few characters besides her even really react to it. How strange.
Recommended for Laughs

Tears of the Night by Tidicuses
Reading
Genre: Emotional
All I can do is walk this world.
The "Sad Luna" pejorative is used to describe stories wherein Luna is sad because she did bad things and/or ponies still don't like her, the end. But it is quite possible to depict her as haunted by her sins without reaching such depths of emotional manipulation. To wit, here she's lamenting being trapped on the moon, but she takes stock of her misdeeds, argues with the Nightmare, and fears for what lies ahead. That's a rounded character. This is short, so it doesn't cover a lot of ground in any great detail, but I thought it was decent.
Recommended for Luna Fans

Magikarp Is the Best Pokemon by RainbowBob
Reading (part 1)
Genre: Pokemon Crossover/Comedy
Equestria won't know what hit it.
For once, I find myself agreeing with scaroe: this was pretty dumb. It's basically a one-joke fic, and if you don't find Magikarp inherently hilarious, you're left with nothing else to grab onto. For sure, the first two chapters were nothing but "all it says it its name", "how did it survive?" and "is it even a real fish?" It was dull. I miss RainbowBob, but this was far from his best work.
Not Recommended: DNF 2/4

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The Cloptimist

The Cloptimist #1 · Mar 25th, 2020 · · ·

A milestone? I haven't been here very long, relatively speaking, but would I be right to suspect 4 recommends+ out of 28 is one of your lowest average scores ever? Or were you talking about something else I missed?

Anyway, the mark of a really great reviewer is when you enjoy reading them more than the entire slate of stories they're reviewing