About Last Night... · 6:28pm Sep 14th, 2017
Last night I did a recording of Shitfaced Shitfics for the Barcast, and if that was all that happened, I wouldn't be writing this. But after it was done, Priest and I were still there and decided to do another reading. The audience wanted serious and sad, and I was, for some reason, up for it. So, we did something I have been meaning to do for over a year:
We did a reading of When The Bough Breaks.
For those who know this story, they will know that it is not my normal fare. It is an introspective look at what happens emotionally and psychologically to Cadance after she experiences a miscarriage. I didn't write this just to pluck heart strings and give people the feels, and this wasn't a cheap attempt to get upvotes with a serious subject. I wrote this because I actually cared about what I was writing, and I think it shows in the effort. My target audience was just people who want to know what this feels like, or people who do know what it feels like. I wanted to let people know that they were not alone. Above all else, that they are not. Alone.
It is, to be quite honest, one of my proudest stories.
I've meant to do a reading of that for a long while, but I knew it would be a real effort, something that would weight heavily on me to read out loud. I didn't expect I'd do it in front of people, to be honest, but I felt a little brave yesterday (maybe it was the cold medicine) and I decided to ride the bravado as far as it would take me. So when I did a live reading of that story last night, I took my time. I put in effort. I reread lines that sounded off the first time around. Priest worked his ass off to adjust as needed to make sure things sounded the way I wanted them to sound. It's... not easy reading Shining Armor's part int hat story, and he did a phenomenal job. I only faltered really twice, I kept my own feelings in check, and I know Priest was probably the only person who caught when that was happenign to me. When it was done, I wasn't honestly sure how everyone was going to react. I mean... it's not exactly a "nice" story.
I was absolutely floored with the response.
People got it. They told me they could feel how personal it was, feel what I was getting at. I got messages from people telling me about their own personal losses, and how much this story spoke to them. I got thank-yous from those who had read it before, and wanted to hear me read it out loud. It hit people just the way I wanted it to. And more than one person told me that it made them feel less alone.
Thank. Fucking. God.
I don't know if you understand exactly how good it feels to know that what you intended to do with a story so dark and serious actually happened. I didn't expect the response to be so unanimous and so strong. I had intent with this story, and it landed. I wanted people to understand, and they understood. I wanted people to feel less isolated by grief, and they reached out. Not many people have read or will read that story, but the right ones are reading it. It's working.
As I'm typing this, I'm finding my eyes are wet. I don't know when they started to do that, and it feels weird, because I don't really feel like crying. But I've been just so worried that I'm not getting my meaning across when I say and do things. And even after all these years, I've still felt isolated by my own grief. I guess, in a way, this story was for me too. To let me know that I wasn't alone either.
So, let me wrap this shit up. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has read that story and listened to Priest and me read it aloud last night. It genuinely means a lot to me. And thank you Priest, for being willing to go through the ordeal of saying so many vicious and personal lines out loud. I'm going to edit the recording, and it will be up on the Barcast YouTube in a day or two. For now, it's up on the Twitch, as last night's recording... after all the shitfics, of course. I hope that it will be listened to by others, and that it will continue to hit people the way I intended.
I will say it one more time: You are not alone with your grief. You are not isolated. Reach out if you need it. And when you can, remember to reach back when you see others still searching for a handhold.
Sincerely. Deeply. Thank you.
-Pencil
That story is easily one of my favorite I've ever read. It's an honor I got to do Shining's parts.
You did wonderful. *hugs*
)>^_^)> ~ <3
The story was great, just like the rest of your stuff (in a different way of course). I wish I was there for the reading. Maybe the next one, eh?
This sounds remarkable; I look forward to listening once it goes up on YouTube.
Edit: Oh! Are you going to update the published story with the reworked lines?
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Eh? Oh. I mean that I re-read the lines that didn't feel right the first time over, as in my voice wasn't right, or I didn't like the way I'd pronounced a word.
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Oh! Misunderstood.
Can I hug you?
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At your own risk.
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-Gives you a big warm fuzzy squeeze-
I'm gonna give you a hug, too, Pencil. I think you deserve it.
*sends Pencil a hug*
I'm so proud of the reading you and Priest did for this. It couldn't have been easy, but you guys did a phenomenal job. This story is easily one of my favourites and hearing it narrated by you and Priest served it justice. I'm also glad to hear that you got the response you wanted and that the message and point stuck to people like you hoped.
I only wish I could have been there for this. Excellent work, Pencil. We're all here for you and super proud! We love you!