For Those That Yearn for Adventure #28: DalTRS's "A Tale of the Sun, Moon and Stars"

The story of the founding of Equestria, and that of Nightmare Moon, has been explored through at least two perspectives in the show itself. The three tribes needed to band together to save themselves from wendigoes, correct? And Luna wanted ponies to adore her as much as they did Celestia, right? And the denial of that feeling of acceptance caused her to turn into a All-American Nightmare Moon, right? And that's the end of that story, right?

But what if there was something more? What if there was a deeper part to this story? What if it tied in with everything that we know about the show? Let us dive into a story that shows us something we may not have ever expected from the origins and present of Equestria. Ladies and gentleman, fillies and gentlecolts, this is

A Tale of the Sun, Moon and Stars
by DalTRS
Year Published: 2012
Tags: Adventure and Alternate Universe
Word Count: 4,546
Three divine sisters, The Sun, Moon, and Stars, have reigned over the heavens and earth since time immemorial. This is a tale of their greatest hardships and triumphs as challenges unforeseen seek to ruin the world they have created for their beloved ponies.

What will happen to the three sisters? What new discoveries will unfold within the story? Read on to find out!

Before I begin, I would like to say that my review is not meant to be belittling, discouraging or insulting. It is simply my observations as I read it. Please take what I say with a grain of salt; I'm not particularly bright, so I may miss or misinterpret something. Please take what I say with a grain of salt, as I'm still trying to figure out how to review with giving the author and story their due while pointing out what could be better with it.

The Short Review

The story portrays events from before the founding of Equestria to the end of Nightmare Moon, and it tells it in a style reminiscent of an epic. In this style, it has the right amount of descriptions to evoke that deep epic feeling in 4,500 words. All three sisters are treated with respect and significance, exploring their bond to each other and Equestria in depth. The twist at the end is very much worth the time to read it. I don't have any complaint that is consistent throughout the entire story; each criticism I have is actually applicable only to each section of the story.

Recommendation Rating: Of the highest recommendation. Readers can get a new view on the past events and even the present of the entire show we've come to know and love; writers can observe really clever worldbuilding, character development, and overall intrigue. Writers beware, for the beginning and ending parts are honestly rushed, in my opinion.

The Long Review

Firstly, the writing style is something to behold. It isn't a typical storytelling style; rather, it's told like an olden epic, and it really fits the tone of the story. It gives each event that happens a feeling of being legendary; the descriptions are evocative, the action is encompassing (as opposed to the nuanced descriptions one gets in modern fiction), the dialogue is both grand and humble at the same time (if that isn't a complete contradiction), and the word use is extraordinary. I recommend this story on its prose alone.

Apart from the prose, though, is the story entertaining? It recounts the events of Equestria past, from before the wendigo invasion to the banishment of Nightmare Moon. It does follow the events of the show (minus finding the Harmony Tree) in order (since this was made before the Season 4 preview, the way the events fold out happen differently. Just know that), but gives each of them a new spin with the third sister. The interactions between them are very sisterly, even as they're enhanced by their godlike place in the world. It has far less interactions between them than it does their guiding Equestria along history, but I think it offers a nice touch. I think the love between them is felt throughout, even if the third sister has little "distinctive" characterization of her own. It's there, but given how well we know Celestia and Luna, at least in 2012, (this was published when "One Bad Apple," a Season 3 episode, was about to air), some more development could've been used.

But that's all speculation. The story does well on its own. The characterization is very solid, the conflicts are engaging in the new light, the Stars are a likable character, the worldbuilding is fantastic, and the tale is told very well. To be honest, it's hard for me to talk about anything individual, because everything fits together so well. And I have to say that what ties it all together is the amazing prose. Everything within the story is highlighted by the exceptional writing style itself, which gives every moment a, for lack of a better word, majestic moment.

I can't say much else positive about it, except for this: the ending is worth it. No spoilers, the surprise at the end had me going "wait a minute!" before I had even reached it. I mark that as an extraordinary event. It's a kick-ass story, one I say you should read for yourself.

Now for the complaining. All of the criticisms I have are odd, in that there's not anything I disliked throughout the entire story. Every criticism I have is unique to the section in which it can be found; the writing is strong, but each section lacks something different (in my opinion). In the first section, it's this part—which I'll admit is more of a nitpick:

But they couldn’t just send their champions on their way without lessons. Their classroom was not found in a book or building, but came in trials that ranged from strange dreams to simple logs in the road. With each lesson their champions grew stronger, ready to restore the harmony that had been lost, and find those that had planted the seeds of strife. In the end, they all were lead to the same destination: Equestria.

I don't know if it's just because I'm completely incompetent at reading, but I didn't get into that. I think this part happened too quickly, there were no lessons to really consider, considering they were already the champions of the goddesses. I think if more time was given to what lessons needed to be taught, I would believe this more, and it would've helped the natural bond between the ponies and the goddesses a lot stronger. But that could just be me.

After that, the other big complaint I have is that (spoiler) Discord is the one that puts the seed of doubt into Luna's heart, and not just decades of feeling unappreciated. I know it makes sense, but I feel it weakened the development of that conflict. It's even more confusing when Discord's dialogue is

In a fit of divine inspiration, he struck a pose for one last attack.

"Be wary in the land of mortals, my dear little Moon; for they will never accept you like your beloved sister." The twisted fiend sang even when facing his doom. "They will fear you, they will shun you, and they will never love you."

I know it fits the show's canon, but how could Discord know that? Why say it at that particular moment? Why didn't Luna's anger build up happen more naturally, instead of being artificially placed? Maybe I'm just whining about nothing, but I feel like the plot happens far more artificially, like it's too forced for it to work. Luna's descent is awesome, though. Keep note of that.

My final criticism comes with the events that happen outside of the epic, before and after it. It honestly feels rushed, like it wanted to dive into the adventure without taking the time to build up any intrigue. It also felt like it just wanted to end, without giving the ending revelation its breadth at the end. Everything that wasn't in the epic felt unimportant, I must say. It works, technically, but it was too quick for its own good.

Finally, the technicals. There were no punctuation errors I could recall, and the only spelling error that was consistent was a mix-up of lead and led, which only happens thrice. Like I had said at the beginning of this review, the prose is epic, giving the story a legendary feeling to it. It does feel severely underwritten at the beginning and ending, when we're not in the legend. Everything feels snappy in the rushed sense, and it gets into the actual meat of it, but at the loss of any significance within itself.

In conclusion, "A Tale of the Sun, Moon, and Stars" is an amazing story. It takes a story we're all familiar with, and it gives it more depth and ties it in with the modern day. It holds up really well ever after all of these years. It is lacking in places, and some moments felt forced, but everything else—the vast majority of the story—is enjoyable, coherent, significant and fun. The prose is outstanding, one of the best on this site, I'd wager. I give it my highest recommendation.

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If You Yearn For More Adventure
#1: Fluttershy20’s “Last of the Dragonlords
#2: Toixstory’s “Freeze Frame”
November 1st: Words Failed Her by Nonsanity
November 2nd: Great Big Sky by shortskirtsandexplosions
November 3rd: 30,000 Feet by the Grey Pegasus
November 4th: Stop Me by Wing Nut
November 5th: Yearbook January by Regidar
November 6th: The Three Sisters by Wanderer D
November 7th: The Lonesome Drake by Bok
November 8th: Making Friends by arcum42
November 9th: Wheels of Fire, Wings of Fliers by ChaoticHarmony
November 10th: The Lone Crusader by Cute Reality
November 11th: The Frozen West by Cozy Mark IV
November 12th: A Rumble in Time by Lab Matt AND Broken Roads by Not_A_Hat
November 13th: Pip by Invictus
November 14th: Raiders of the Cutie Mark by DJLowrider
November 15th: The Ancient Heart of the Everwood Dragon by Grey Faerie
November 16th: The Motion of the Stars by Carabas
November 17th: Complaints Department by TheDarkStarCzar
November 18th: Height by PoweredByTea
November 19: Blue Steel Railway by writer
November 20th: device heretic's "And the Temptress Came Unto Her" and Glimmerglaze's "It's Also About Time"
#23: Imploding Colon’s “Austraeoh”
#24: cosmicbiscuit's "Fire Opals"
#25: Respite, More Than Angel, and Daring Do and the Weapon of the Ancients
#26: King of Malta's "Fashion on the High Seas"
#27: Applejack's Family Bonding, Arrow 18 Mission Log: Lone Ranger, and Stairway to Equestria