For Those That Yearn for Adventure #13 (11/11)—Cozy Mark IV's "The Frozen West"

I tried searching for a Babs Seed story to review. This isn't it, but it does have her in it, so I went with it.

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Archaeology seems to be something that seems to appear in fiction quite a bit in terms of finding freaky phenomena. I can think of a few stories off the top of my head where excavations have led to mythical legends posing a real threat. I think it's easy, for archaeology taps into the vast unknown of time, where almost anything, if not anything, can happen.

This story right here aims at being unsettling, disturbing, and creepy. It takes expeditioning and exploring the unknown, and attempts to show a somewhat familiar place in Equestria with mystery and ruin. Ladies and gentlemen, fillies and gentlecolts, this is

The Frozen West
by Cozy Mark IV
Year Published: 2013
Tags: Adventure, Alternate Universe, and Dark
Word Count: 6,355
What if all the magic we see in the show is exactly what it appears to be? Does that concept scare you? It should.
After a shocking discovery changes his life, a young griffon follows in the hoofprints of his childhood hero, and mounts an expedition deep into the frozen west.

What will the griffons find in the frozen west? What will the archaeologist dig up? What dark secrets will be uncovered? What's hunting the group of griffons? Read the story to find out!

Before I begin, I would like to say that my review is not meant to be belittling, discouraging or insulting. It is simply my observations as I read it. Please take what I say with a grain of salt; I'm not particularly bright, so I may miss or misinterpret something. Please take what I say with a grain of salt, as I'm still trying to figure out how to review with giving the author and story their due while pointing out what could be better with it.

Review Commences Now

Warning: This story contains disturbing images and swearing. This review also contains swearing.

This review's going to be a mixed bag, because I think it's both extraordinary and quite flawed. The journey itself, from where they leave their homeland to where they arrive in the frozen west, is an example of this. There’s some great description of the environment, with the icy lakes and the tundra and glaciers. There’s a nice amount of descriptions to make the journey seem vivid, the treatment of geography is smart, the locations are varied enough to seem interesting, and the pacing lets things really be observed. There’s also great characterization and character interaction, and with only a few lines of dialogue there’s lively voices and an acknowledgement of rank befitting an adventure like this.

On the flip side, I did say that there were some of those great things. This section acknowledges that there is a setting, and there are characters, but they don’t quite interact. I can’t recall the characters adjusting to the weather in any way, not needing to warm up or anything. The coldness was just there, and the characters only reacted to it after they had landed. I find it odd that the coldness of it wasn’t acknowledged, that they didn’t mention anything about the weather becoming chilly, or going around the fire, especially since a)they were traversing into a place so cold, there would be no water, and b)Martin had brought water with him that may needed to be heated when they entered here. I also felt that there could’ve been a bit more development of the crew’s relationship to each other; this may be wishful thinking, but it felt like there was a lot of commandeering, and little camaraderie. The story greatly shows rank, but that seems to be the extent of their interactions. It may just be me, but perhaps some scene where the youngster Knock bonds with one of the other members, or the knowledgeable Dr. Frank could share tales or wisdom with someone else. Again, it may just be me.

The story’s descriptions are excellent. The scenery is incredibly vivid, the objects and pathways stand out, and sounds travel evocatively. I don’t recall them being distracting at all; they are used to convey a terrifically dark, cold and creepy mood. I can’t think of anything to criticize about the story in terms of what description it had in there.

The story does lack a few descriptions I would’ve thought would be necessary. I don’t recall anything about the nature of the characters; they’re just four griffons, nothing notable about their descriptions whatsoever. More odd, though, was that I can’t remember much about the weather in where they end up (the city). I remember there being fog—which seems odd, since they’re in an area where water doesn’t exist, and my research hasn’t shown me if dry fog is possible—and although the weather in the journey is okay, again, it doesn’t seem to affect them that much. That is, except for the clear sky, where they can look at the stars.

The characterization is great, with the four characters having discernible personalities . They have lively dialogue that adjusts to the situation, body language that shows clearly who they are, and they have a great understanding of rank among them. The inhabitants of the city show their characterization in spurts, and I don’t feel like a moment was wasted other than to make my skin crawl. The parts before that are also nicely characterized.

But I have to complain about the protagonist, Martin, and his archaeological pursuits. I understand the the Daring Do books influenced him, but the incident with the miners and the ice was an odd way to introduce him to archaeology (if that’s the case, and it may not be). The journey to the west is an interesting archaeological pursuit, but once they get there, he hardly does any archaeological work. He says he yearns for adventure, but that just doesn’t come through at all, once he gets to the city; he gets all serious and quiet, not in a way to make the story somber, but rather like he was partially forgotten from it.

This wouldn’t be such a problem, I suppose, given that the bits that could be archaeologically studied are out in the open. And granted, there is a nice amount of description for what he finds there. I think the problem more comes from both a lack of roles for the rest of the group, and the fact that everything is laid out. Given that this is a millennia-old city, they already know what an apartment looks like here. The prose itself talks about things with too much knowledge and not enough mystery:

The door opened without resistance and the four of them played their flashlights over the darkened interior of the building. Shelves stacked with merchandise lined the walls and a cash register sat at a desk by the door, looking ready for use at a moment's notice. Doc Frank examined the writing and frowned behind his mask.

I’m actually having a bit of trouble saying what I want to say about this, because it does bother me. I think it’s because the story does a lot to provide a creepy atmosphere, but little in the way of archaeological work. Dr. Mason is a linguist, and he translates one sign. I don’t quite remember what Dr. Frank did in this story. I’ll admit that Knock had a somewhat large role in the story, with his gun.

I think where I’m getting to is, the story seemed to meander at the end. Don’t get me wrong, it’s described extremely well; I’d probably put the description up there with the top fimfics. The various scenes are eerie, and they’re slow enough to be given a decent amount of observation. As a story about a ghost town, it’s wonderful.

There didn’t seem to be much focus on the archaeology part, though, and I think that’s where the meandering nature comes from. They seem gung-ho on exploring the deserted city (not excited, but ready to set out) without much preparation. They move along in search of something without much thought of studying or recording. Perhaps this is because this is a city, and since cities shouldn’t exist here, then they conclude that there is life here. But that itself is odd, since they know that it’s too cold for life to be there. Wouldn’t they at least think that the city was abandoned? Wouldn’t Martin see this as an opportunity to study what could have formed it, or how or when the storm formed? Why didn’t anyone question why there were seemingly-normal ponies in this frigid wasteland?

I think it’s the whole archaeology thing that throws me off with this story. I adore it for what it made me feel, but the fact that nothing’s done archaeologically at the end, and it becomes a regular ghost-town story, makes me see this story as a bit unfulfilled. I really liked the mystifying atmosphere that was created, but that detail made it seem aimless. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the story, but that is something that troubled me.

There’s some things I haven’t talked about in this review that I found great. It was interesting that the griffons travelled in thirty-hour days, given what we find out at the end; Babs Seed’s part, though short, is bloody fucking scary; Knock’s manner of speaking is extraordinarily vivid; the use of ash as a prop is brilliant, like bread crumbs. What seems to fall flat, though, is the ending. I am usually not a fan of endings that have a one-liner as an ultimate climax, and I don’t think it works here. It leaves a lot to be desired, and the imagery presented, though creepy, feels anti-climactic. Nothing’s done with it, and it’s a darn shame. It’s not disappointing, ot story-ruining; it just doesn’t have that evocative power the rest of the story has.

I am a sucker for exposition beginnings, and I think this story presents an exposition-filled beginning very well, with enough tantalizing information and imagery to keep me invested.

Finally, the technicals. This is a rough story. It’s not unreadable, but there were odd comma additions-and-exclusions, especially at the beginning, word mix-ups and even a name spelled wrong (Martin to Marten). The pacing of the story is slow and deliberate, except at the end, and during the journey. Some sentences do go on for a long while, and I can’t say whether they just blabber on or if they snake out emotion through them. It’s one of the more awkward stories I’ve read, I’ll admit.

But overall, The Frozen West is a story I found unsettling and haunting. The characterization is great, the setting is nicely painted, the atmosphere is amazing, and the pacing is tantalizing. It didn’t seem to get as much development as it should’ve, though, either from the conflict or the main character, and it is an odd story to just read. Still, I’d highly recommend this both because I loved it so much, and because there’s a lot to observe about a chilling atmosphere.

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Eleven down, 19 to go, and this was a tough one. Cozy Reality IV, if you read this, the criticisms in this review are not meant to belittle, discourage or insult you in any way. They are just my honest opinions on what I thought about your story. I praise you for writing it, and wish you continued success in the future.

NaNoWriMo reviewing challenge

November 1st: Words Failed Her by Nonsanity
November 2nd: Great Big Sky by shortskirtsandexplosions
November 3rd: 30,000 Feet by the Grey Pegasus
November 4th: Stop Me by Wing Nut
November 5th: Yearbook January by Regidar
November 6th: The Three Sisters by Wanderer D
November 7th: The Lonesome Drake by Bok
November 8th: Making Friends by arcum42
November 9th: Wheels of Fire, Wings of Fliers by ChaoticHarmony
November 10th: The Lone Crusader by Cute Reality