For Those That Yearn for Adventure #16 (11/14)—DJLowrider's "Raiders of the Cutie Mark" · 2:54am Nov 15th, 2015
This is the last of foals for now. My thoughts may be all over the place, though, due to the Paris incident that happened yesterday. I know that I'm not close to it, but it has nonetheless rankled me to a degree.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders are both unique individuals and an inseparable being. This makes sense when "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" aired on Season 5, where the CMC couldn't get their cutie mark without declaring they would be friends forever. The sensibleness of that is up for debate, and the character development of that episode is questionable, in my opinion, but it nevertheless shows the CMC in perhaps their strongest light and unity.
This story deals with the same thing, but long before this episode aired. This story was published during the very beginning of Season 2, and was finished before Lesson Zero aired, but it deals with the Crusaders, their uniqueness, their unity, and their passion for their cutie marks. Ladies and gentlemen, fillies and gentlecolts, this is
Raiders of the Cutie Mark
by DJLowrider
Year Published: 2011
Tags: Adventure and Comedy
Word Count: 25,249
When the Cutie Mark Crusaders find a book telling of an ancient artifact with the power to grant one's heart's desire, it leads them on their biggest adventure ever - and quite possibly their last!
What dangers will the CMC encounter? What twists and turns await? Who can they trust? Read the story to find out!
Before I begin, I would like to say that my review is not meant to be belittling, discouraging or insulting. It is simply my observations as I read it. Please take what I say with a grain of salt; I'm not particularly bright, so I may miss or misinterpret something. Please take what I say with a grain of salt, as I'm still trying to figure out how to review with giving the author and story their due while pointing out what could be better with it.
Review Commences Now
Before I begin proper, I think it would be prudent to talk about what appears to be its inspiration: the Indiana Jones movies. This is mainly because of the cover art and the names of the chapters. Although there is some inspiration from the movies, I should say that nothing on the cover art actually happens. There are no whips, no guns, and no Nazis. The story plays out like a much simpler Indiana Jones adventure, but it doesn't have the dark tone that the series has. If I hadn't watched the first three movies in preparation for this review (which, notably, is the first time I ever watched them), I would've said it wasn't like Indiana Jones at all.
As it is, it plays out like a children's adventure multiplied by three, and I'm just going to be frank about it: after I finished reading this story, the first thought that came to mind was, "Wow... this is flawless." That is actually what I thought about it. I scrambled to think of anything I would put in there to improve the story, but after a constitutional while I thought, I came up with a few things I think could've benefited the story more. Just expect a lot of adulation from this particular review.
The overall tone of the story is something between a scavenger hunt and a family story, and I honestly felt like it could've been an episode from the show (and that's rare for me). The hunt itself doesn't have a lot of hidden secrets, but it's not meant to have them. There isn't anything really dangerous, but it doesn't have to have them. The conflict is actually internal, and it's set up simply—being gleaned from the show's first season quite easily—and yet so brilliantly.
The characters themselves have a lot of great moments, even in sparse moments. Each of the crusaders have a moment of doubt, and a moment of triumph, and each one tackles the challenges with a realistic sort of trepidation and, mild spoiler, peer pressure. The rewards from conquering them are very well portrayed, and this comes from a great delivery from Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Nothing's too easy, but nothing's quite so difficult, and the end of the story explains why this is the way it should be. This story handles internal conflict excellently.
The other characters have good moment as well. Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Zecora each have a special role to play in the story, and even Vinyl and Big Macintosh have fitting roles that enhance the story. I guess nitpicking, Derpy's role only seems to be for comedy (but I can forgive this because it's Derpy Hooves). Even the looming threat of the Mayor, and the addition of the two fillies at the end, proved to be great additions that set up both conflict and denouements really well. I've no comment on Spike
With the characters, I suppose the only thing I could criticize is that Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash weren't at the temple once the Crusaders made it to the end. I know it's potential that Rarity was there during Sweetie's performance, but still, I feel like with the role they played, it would've provided a greater resolution than just having Twilight and Fluttershy there.
The subtle worldbuilding is nice, especially the clouds leading up to Dash's house and the temple itself. The discussion of the clubhouse is particuarly interesting, and a tad bittersweet. It wasn't too intrusive, and for an adventure like this, it definitely didn't need to be. The spartan state of the temple made perfect sense, given what it was.
The conflict is, again, mostly internal, and it's handled brilliantly. Again, each of the crusaders has their moment to falter and shine, and they each have a great amount of time to develop within it. Speaking of endings, the two endings are both brilliant, and they show both a hilarious comedy (for the first one) and a realistic look at the different paths the Crusaders could take. I appreciate that there are two different endings to it, and I appreciate the work that went into each of them. To nitpick I suppose it's a bit too much coincidence that Twilight apparently knew that her bag would be rummaged through, though that makes me curious how she'd direct their attention to it had they not done that.
That's really all I can talk about; I'm legitimately at a loss for words, as I enjoyed this story immensely. It's a simple adventure where I couldn't find that much to talk bad about. I appreciate this story personally because, as I finished it, it got close to making me tear up. I loved the sincerity and time it had into it.
Finally, the technicals. This story has one typo that I know is there, but everything else read finely. The story has a simple style that doesn't have a lot of descriptions, but what it does have works to the story's benefit. I remember a lot of details from this particular story, which is more than I can say of a lot of other stories. Maybe that's because this story doesn't have a lot of worldbuilding or props, but I appreciate this.
There are also songs in there that fit well in the story, although the one for Scootaloo's challenge is private and inaccessible, at least when I searched for it.
Overall, Raiders of the Cutie Mark is a story that I honestly think has aged remarkably well. For a story this simple, I don't think a lot of stories have this level of sincere appreciation for each of their characters, and it crafts internal challenges with aplomb. I'm not sure if DJLowrider would be okay with my saying this about a four-year-old story, but it's honestly what I feel about it. I'd recommend this to anyone, and I wish it were more popular than it is.
Two weeks down, (though I doubt anyone reads these anymore 
) 16 to go. DJLowrider, if you read this, the criticisms in this review are not meant to belittle, discourage or insult you in any way. They are just my honest opinions on what I thought about your story. I praise you for writing it, and wish you continued success in the future.
NaNoWriMo reviewing challenge
November 1st: Words Failed Her by Nonsanity
November 2nd: Great Big Sky by shortskirtsandexplosions
November 3rd: 30,000 Feet by the Grey Pegasus
November 4th: Stop Me by Wing Nut
November 5th: Yearbook January by Regidar
November 6th: The Three Sisters by Wanderer D
November 7th: The Lonesome Drake by Bok
November 8th: Making Friends by arcum42
November 9th: Wheels of Fire, Wings of Fliers by ChaoticHarmony
November 10th: The Lone Crusader by Cute Reality
November 11th: The Frozen West by Cozy Mark IV
November 12th: A Rumble in Time by Lab Matt AND Broken Roads by Not_A_Hat
November 13th: Pip by Invictus
