For Those That Yearn for Adventure #26: King of Malta's "Fashion on the High Seas"

If there's one thing that I've read plenty of, and yet haven't been able to store in my long-term memory, it's sailing terms. Port, starboard, full-hoist, main masts, and all of that sort of thing is something that I've had trouble sticking into my mind, with slightly less difficulty than knowing the parts of a car. Still, I don't deny the allure of sailing, and I can enjoy all forms of sailing stories—piracy included. It's only been very recently that I've been getting to understand the allure of pillaging and plundering, seeing the world, and yet having a confined place of safety and camaraderie wherever one may travel, and having the freedom to go off wherever one pleases.

What would attract Rarity to piracy, come to think of it, isn't so far fetched. Being able to amass a generous amount of wealth, collecting many different kinds of precious resources, mingling among nobility (I think), and having the world as her oyster. Having the diamond dogs as a crew is also something I don't find all too out-there as an idea. This story has both of those things. Ladies and gentlemen, fillies and gentlecolts, this is

Fashion on the High Seas
by King of Malta
Year Published: 2013
Tags: Adventure & Alternate Universe
Word Count: 2,991
Rarity is not the type of pony to act like a salty dog or anything associated with the scum of piracy! No, she is a lady of grace and poise and flair! Her ship has pristine sails. Any under her command are immaculately dressed and refer to her as "Rarity" or "Miss" or "Miss Rarity". Hardly salty or even barnacled.
Though she is a pirate.
There are many laws in the world and of them Rarity only follows two, the laws of Fashion and the laws of the High Seas.

What (mis)adventure will Rarity find on the high seas? How will she keep in control of the Diamond Dogs? Will she pillage and plunder, or fend off her ship gallantly and bloodthirstily? Read the story to find out!

Before I begin, I would like to say that my review is not meant to be belittling, discouraging or insulting. It is simply my observations as I read it. Please take what I say with a grain of salt; I'm not particularly bright, so I may miss or misinterpret something. Please take what I say with a grain of salt, as I'm still trying to figure out how to review with giving the author and story their due while pointing out what could be better with it.

Commence Review Now

Firstly, the author says that he wrote this on a whim, so please take that into account when reading this review.

I find it difficult to talk about this story, because I found everything competent, but nothing really stand-out about it. For how long it made itself out to be, I can say the characterization is pretty great, the worldbuilding is minimal and yet does its job, and the conflict that arises uses good dialogue and intimidation to produce some tension. I can also say that it probably should've taken a lot more time with itself, developing Rarity and the diamond dogs as characters, providing more description, and making the villain more dangerous than he was.

But let's get to the details of each section, beginning with Rarity and the Diamond Dogs. Their trademark and respective class and ruggedness are present, but with Rarity, the Diamond Dogs give off a sense of loyalty, and with the Diamond Dogs without making them any less dimwitted, Rarity has a sense of cunning and deceit about her that suits her without making her villainous. Here's a portion of the story's dialogue, with the exposition cut out, to show how haughty Rarity can be, and how obedient the Diamond Dogs can be:

“Do you know what they represent? Mister Rover?”

“Not a thing, Lady Rarity!”

“Of course, you would not. Those sails are made from the finest cotton and linens I could find in markets from Porka Porka to Baltimare! The hours I spent weaving every square inch of it, yards of stitched and woven perfection! The weeks we have used it and hardly a single sign of crimping! Those sails represent the sweat and concentrated will of myself and the crew from every time they are hoisted, darling!”

There's a few actions done that give off more characterization, showing them as working in tandem. Unfortunately, that's all the character action has going for it, besides Rarity chastising one of her subordinates for chewing at a flea on his rear. As far as i interpreted it, Rarity is captain only by name and dialogue; she doesn't do anything captain-like. Similarly, the Diamond Dogs are her subordinates and crew only by name and dialogue, and don't do much in the way of being crewmembers. The story has characterizing actions pertaining to the individuals, such as Rarity swooning upon interrogation and Rover looking like he's busy to avoid listening to her. It is clever that the Diamond Dogs all bark at an approaching ship, but they don't do much else as a crew.

Given how short the story is, though, these small things are welcome. Perhaps it's just me wanting more characterization—or rather, wanting something more than what's there. The conflict is extraordinarily brief, happens when Rarity and her ship are meandering in fog-mist waters for no stated reason, and her ship being boarded by a griffin commanded to detain pirates—without any indication of a bounty, or even a struggle, or witty maneuvering from Rarity's part, or battling from the Diamond Dogs. There are no stakes established that I could find, and that made the story just breeze along.

There's a little bit of conflict between Rarity and Captain Gilroy le Guffaw de Paeyrie. It's entirely restricted to dialogue, though, and I can't say that the griffins or Diamond Dogs do anything interesting, or pirate-related. The dialogue does keep it interesting, and within 3,000 words, not a lot could be done, I'd imagine. With how short it is, the dialogue is good, but the action is lacking. It's resolved very quickly, without any struggle in it.

Of course, I may've been the only one.

The worldbuilding is done through an encyclopedia entry at the beginning, and although it is well-written, nothing's made of it throughout the story. It makes a point of having islands, fog-mist and a dragon in the area, but none of these are used as an obstacle. Besides being surrounded by fog-mist and not being lost, or seeming lost, there's nothing going on in it. There's also very little going on with the ship itself. I appreciate Rarity not wanting to use the term "poopdeck," and I think that not a lot can be done with the setting. I just think that with what was going on, something should've been going on.

What bothers me about this story is that it's near-to-bursting with potential, but it doesn't use its conflict or worldbuilding well. As short as it is, the only thing I think it doesn't do well is establish any struggle. Everything else is acceptable, and the characterization and dialogue is good. I can't call it a bad story, it's competent. I just think that a lot more could've been done with it.

Finally, I'll talk about the technicals. With how much dialogue there is, the story does lack in descriptions, and that does give the story a lacking quality. The descriptions that are there provide some entertaining, but the lack of it makes the story go by too quickly, at least for my tastes. It doesn't give the story a pirate-y feel to it. Grammar-wise, the story suffers from comma splices

“Not a thing, Lady Rarity!” Rover replied in a tone that showed more then he cared that he had, had this conversation with Rarity more than once. He tried to distract himself by pretending he was busy on the lookout but, the blasted sea mist of the Myst Mare Sea vastly shortened visual distance and made it look like they had sailed into a cloud.

and run-on sentences

“As I said I noticed that your…crew mostly consists of Diamond Dogs, which is an interesting coincidence, Pony. Given that we have received several reports from attacked ships of a pirate ship manned by Diamond Dogs stealing their cargos.” Le Guffaw sneered down at Rarity, and she desperately wanted to sneer back but Rarity sensed that there was something specific le Guffaw was getting at and if she was to trounce him she needed to remain the composed and graceful lady that she was.

.

I don't recall any spelling errors or other punctuation errors. The biggest thing to keep in mind, should you choose to read this, is that the sentence lengths and commas aren't used properly.

In conclusion, Fashion on then High Seas is a competent small story that could've had a lot more going on in it. The dialogue is pretty good, and everything else is alright. The conflict could've had a lot more tension, and I don't think enough goes on with how short it is. I say it has a lot of potential, but I do acknowledge that this was written on a whim, so I can't ask for much more. Just know that if King of Malta wanted to continue this, I would definitely read it.

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