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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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David, you know yourself too well!
Well, now that you've been told it's not a cakewalk, let's see how you take it to heart.
Keep going! ;)
ok David is hitting on Silver this is a interesting turn of events, I am not even sure what to say or think about this.
Harts Fire
6362304 I've read that author, but not that story. Being compared to him sounds like a compliment to me though. :)
6364042 I can neither confirm nor deny.
Capitalize the first letter of the first word of the sentence.
Also, there are two spaces between these two sentences.
Capitalize Twilight's name.
6364337 Fixed!
6364569 ... I don't get it. Every example I've brought up about bringing up the past, you said it was done well.
Near as I can tell the only thing you have an actual complaint about... is the theoretical, but entirely un-proven, result of David's presence.
6364579 The presence of other-David is, to me, where this went from being a trend to being a problem. It's not "theoretical" as I see it. They may not sit around discussing their "shared" past the entire time, but all that his character brings to the story is bound up in their past. It's all about how they act (because of what they went through), what's best for them (to heal from that), how they relate to each other (over their common past), etc.
It's backward-facing, and over materials that we've already dealt with. His entire presence feels unnecessary.
6364579 I should mention that there's no real need for me to do a formal review of this chapter, since I've pretty well made it plain how I feel about other-David's presence in this story.
If you ship a self insert with a (admittedly partial) clone of said self insert, does that count as narcissism?
Joking aside, I like the amount of bullshit, weirdness and/or insanity that you've put into this particular side story. Might be excessive exposure from the internet, but I've always liked strange things that still more or less make sense.
8339389
Glad to be of service!
I’m glad you had already added that.
"Come on Silver, it will be fun."
" . . . "
"I know you want to, cause I want to, and you are me."
"Really now? You are just being selfcest . . . I mean selfish!"
" . . . "