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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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this story / chapter is really sweet I have a feeling bright eyes will do wonderful things with time.
*Bonds:
A sweet stolen kiss
Thunderous approach to bliss
Tummy tells the tale
•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•‼•
Maybe something more than a regular bun in the oven, a croissant?
6144568 A baker's dozen of muffins!
Without "replying."
This is a minor grammatical point, but that should be "inducting the pirates into family life."
I'd remove the "s" in "its."
Capitalize "bright."
Silver "was" amazed at his "good" fortune.
6144799 Typos fed to the sharks.
6144817 Well now, this was an unexpected - but delightful! - turn of events! It wasn't that hard to see that Silver was going to have some sort of reckoning with the pirate captain, and while I fully expected it to end with him balls-deep inside her, taking her as a servant was something that I didn't foresee.
Before we get to that though, Silver's conversation with Celestia was fascinating, as it touched upon a principle that seems to be one of the cornerstones for how Equestria is different from the human world. Indeed, this seems like one of those things that's so fundamental that there simply aren't very good terms for discussing it, due to it being so ubiquitous and self-evident that it probably doesn't need discussion. The idea that ponies have "roles" - which I can only assume is some sort of intrinsic function that they're "meant" to fulfill, and which obeying brings about harmony (that most cherished of values) - seems like a universal thing here, and compliance with it brings a sense of general contentment.
My only complaint is that it's not entirely certain how this fits with a cutie mark, which is usually taken to not only be an indicator of what a pony's "role" is, but is typically immutable (as well as reflecting an existing desire that a pony has and feels happiest when they're doing it). I doubt that anypony's cutie mark has changed here, so I'm not sure how that intersects with what Silver is doing here. This isn't to say that I think the story needs to spend more time on this - it's an interesting subject, but ultimately a minor one - but some clarification of "cutie mark vs. roles" wouldn't be out of order.
As for Captain Bright Eyes, she really seems like a character! Her waffling back and forth over whether she wanted Silver or wanted to rip his balls off was amusing, but I'm still not certain what the source of her animosity was. I say that largely because she has several reasons to dislike him, and it's unclear which among them are the most salient. Is she upset that he defeated her and essentially ended her pirate career by knocking up most of her crew? Is she struggling with sexual identity issues, since she "prefers" mares but is so attracted to a stallion? Is she just not used to not being the one in charge, and is having a hard time adapting to Silver claiming (however gently) authority over her (particularly in a sexual sense)? She clearly finds him intimidating, since she's obviously uncertain around him (however much she tries to cover it up with aggression), but the ultimate reason why remains unclear, at least to me.
I have to note that I did like how we got an entire paragraph of Bright Eyes' internal thoughts during her duel with Silver. That was very well done, and I liked the entire exchange - we need to see more instances of that sort of exposition! My only complaint is that the sudden shift in focus (from Silver's thoughts to Bright Eyes') was done abruptly. It should have had a lead-in to let us know that we were switching whom we were looking at.
Of course, the real revelation was with regards to Bright Eyes' sexuality when Silver was topping her. She clearly can't be completely homosexual in her desires, or she wouldn't have found him attractive to begin with, but it was still quite notable that she wanted Shei to join them when Silver was claiming her. What's more surprising was that Shei seemed so amenable to doing so. Are ponies open-minded by nature, or does she have some experience (or desires) in this area? The surprises didn't stop there, as Silver apparently filled Bright Eyes quite a bit! The presumption - and indeed, intuitive understanding on her part - is that she's now going to have multiple foals at once. How many is uncertain, but she's apparently going to become a mother several times over. That's certainly one way to increase the number of foals Silver is fathering.
But the perfect ending to this chapter - and I confess, my favorite part of it - was Silver taking Bright Eyes as a new servant. I have to say, that entire scene was well done, artfully so. Everything about it, from Bright Eyes' sullen insinuations about what she wanted Silver to do, to Shei's suddenly understanding the situation and cluing Silver in, to Silver's worrying that he wouldn't be honoring Aila's memory if he agreed and Shei's subsequent reassurances...everything about that scene was perfect. Everyone felt so in-character there that the entire exchange felt not only plausible, but absolutely true to them all.
I do expect that Bright Eyes' won't be the same sort of servant as Shei...or am I wrong in that regard? Is Silver going to slip a collar around her neck and declare that she belongs to him for life? I can't see her easily submitting to that, but then, Aila wasn't exactly the docile type either, and she liked it. At this stage, I don't have quite enough of a handle on exactly how Bright Eyes feels about Silver to say for certain what she's envisioning her new role to be, in terms of how they relate. She clearly wants this, since she made it clear that she wanted to be invited, but invited to be what sort of servant, exactly? Silver said he wanted to "hire" her, so I presume that she'll be paid and could leave his service if she wanted, but again, I'm not sure what she wants.
I'm also a bit uncertain as to her usefulness to Silver after the short term. She'll be invaluable on board a ship, but that means that when he takes her back to Equestria when this trip is over, she's not going to be near water anymore. Will she be happy that way? Or does she have another useful function that she can fulfill (besides being a broodmare)? There are still plenty of questions with regards to Silver's newest servant...but I really can't wait to find out the answers!
6145085 Praise all around today, barring one minor point. Glad the chapter resonated so well! As you can perhaps tell from the length, it was working for me too, and I didn't realize I blew past 2k until I had already long done so.
I'm unsure how much I should muse on the future here? That be spoiler territory and I'd hate to ruin things in advance. There's also the fact that my muse is a treacherous thing and I'll say A and it'll turn out to be Z.
6144799 technically, that last one is valid as is, though your suggestion would be more common.
"once we were sequestered in a small bedroom"
There's a perspective shift. You mean to say 'once they were sequestered...'
6796685 What do you mean? This isn't a self-insert! Stop judging me!