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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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im so hoping silver does return to normal after this. magic included
btw, im back to reading your stories! after a week of pretty much no internet in south africa
6094067 Welcome back! Missed you.
Yes, I can honestly say I don't like the idea of Silver's magic being all balls to the walls.
wow fighting for your life while being raped really must get his adrenaline pumping. and Celestia just releasing the power of Sunny D on that cat, I hope they have a forensic team because Celestia just turned that cat into mashed potatoes
6094115 I admit to not entirely understanding?
6094122 Silver's head was spinning, at least until he passed out.
6094149 I was making a sex joke, since it seemed using his magic gave him a stiffy and a good use of one is to stick it within a female's "walls" I thought it was a clear enough jest, but apparently it didn't quite make the grade.
6094199 Heh, I think that one was my fault. Glad you're enjoying the developments, painful though they may be.
WOW Celestia is MAD!!!!
Well that was a bit morbid...then again I just watching Kill LA Kill .AmentI has some crappe to clean and silver has cheated at life yet again. Great chapter and I have a feeling heading back to Equestria is just on the horizon. Wondering how the herd as well as lulu are going to react to what just happened. See you next chapter
Hopefully this'll show silver that the jewelry has to go.
1) Silver gets attacked alot, he already has a hard time learning magic (has he even finished learning the magic alphabet yet?) and this change will mean he wont even have teachers to help him. Add to that what it's doing to his thoughts while fighting and keeping this thing on will end him.
2) The ring was designed to be used on a particular cat so while it's working on silver it may not be 100% compatable leading to issues
3) It was designed to remove magic from any progeny (and silver's job is to make unicorns...), while this was eventually circumvented (with cats) the patch still altered them which lead to making a new race, so who knows what it'll do pony foals.
Rather than cut his balls off maybe (sorry silver) they could cut them open, pull out his gonads, remove the ring then healing spell the crap out of him. I'm thinking he'll need alot of sleep spells and pain killers too...
Poor Silver. He's becoming a mindless biological sexbot. Not cool, not cool at all.
The development is....a big WHAT THE FUCK? for me...
I just don't really know how to reply to this chapter.
Silver is on deaths door once agene.
it looks as if Celestia has really accepted her roll as wife and now in her own way loves Silver the father of her foal.
and that dam ball gag has to go, remember it opens upon death. there is the clue with Silver being so close to death right now. but at whate cost? he must stay alicorn and be able to full fill his stallion duty's to his complete heard.
this chapter is just so wiled Celestia has killed to defend Silver now.
Silver's cute mark is magic based he needs his magic his real magic.
Harts Fire
This should be "sickening beat of his own pulse."
Let your last act "be" one of lust.
From "suddenly-broken" bones and flesh.
There needs to be a space between these two sentences.
My name is Alzrius.
6095284 Typos sent to the dungeons for questioning.
6095509 And the drama is suddenly amped back up! Silver barely survives an attempt on his life, and we see that the effects of that cursed item may be more severe than we initially thought...in more ways than one.
Before going any further, I want to apologize if my previous review made you angry. I did cringe a bit writing that, but I went ahead anyway, since I'm very aware that honest and in-depth feedback is something that every writer wants, even though it is given all too rarely. Given that you turned it into grist for the mill and gave us a bonus chapter, I'm heartened that you took it the way it was intended: constructive criticism.
That said, this was quite the chapter! Just as things seemed to be winding down, there's an assassination attempt on Silver's life, and it comes very close to succeeding! The fact that that nekomata knew all about the item Silver was wearing and what it was doing to him was a disturbing sign, since Silver hasn't advertized that particular fact. This means that either whomever gave it to Amenti knew what she would do with it, or that Thrice Cooked sold them out. Of course, it's possible that they got the information another way, but those are the most obvious avenues by which to learn that Silver is currently weakened.
What's more notable is the question of why they're targeting him? When trying to figure out who's behind a crime, one of the things you look at is the motive they have to commit it. So then, what does someone gain from killing Silver? The most obvious presumption is that it undercuts diplomatic relations between Equestria and Anugypt, presumably in some sort of attempt to undercut Amenti's reign. But that seems iffy now, since most of Amenti's domestic reforms are already off and running. True, Equestria breaking off trade with Anugypt would hurt the local economy, but even if things got that far (which seems uncertain; that would punish both countries, after all), it no longer seems like the fatal blow it would have before.
Maybe someone wants to start a war? But that's harder to countenance as well - unless they don't know what they're doing (or are some sort of fanatic), a war with Equestria would likely go very poorly for Anugypt. Of course, if the one behind this is a foreign power, that might be part of the plan anyway. Ultimately, there are enough possibilities that it's too difficult to narrow them down, at least easily. Other than the fact that this clearly has to do with local politics, we know so little about the overall situation that it's impossible to speculate any further. The worst that Amenti has been up against are some special interest groups, and even those seem to be largely falling in line. At this point, the ultimate villain remains obscure.
More notable was the demonstration of what's happening to Silver. This was severe enough to blunt my previous charge that this curse seems like little more than an inconvenience...though not dispel it altogether. For the short-term, at least, Silver has suffered a dramatic reduction in power. I was expecting him to internally channel his magic and overpower the nekomata through physical force, but that didn't seem to happen due to what I can only presume is an alteration to how his physical channeling works as well.
As it was, that alteration was perhaps the most interesting part. Silver did try to channel his magic through his body, and the result was...his assassin becoming utterly lost in desire for him? Huh, that was unexpected...but perhaps it shouldn't have been. This might help contextualize why the nekomata that wore this bangle before Silver went on to father an entire race of cats. That is, it seems like his initial efforts to channel are now "naturally" routed in sexual ways.
That actually makes a great deal of sense. This bangle is like a heart crystal, we were told. It's changing his magic to focus internally, and the implication here is that it's also changing where it flows internally. Whereas before Silver could easily move his magic to his legs or his wings, now it's all flowing to his genitals (essentially, it's rerouted his entire aetheric net). I expect that the issue he's going to need to overcome, in the future, is trying to redirect the flow away from between his hind legs and to other body parts, such as his horn (if he wants to cast spells externally again). For now, it's all going to go to his naughty bits until he can learn to channel the altered flow of energy in different directions.
This helps to contextualize exactly what's happened to Silver, and in doing so, make it more interesting. It's not just a question of "which hand you write with" anymore. Rather, it's more akin to suddenly changing character classes (to use a role-playing game analogy). Silver has new talents and abilities, but they've largely come at the cost of his old ones. He can focus his magic in different ways now, but not in the previous ways that he was familiar with. This feels like a genuine character development...or at least, it has the potential, depending on how it's handled.
I think that the cardinal thing to remember here is that this makes him different, and those differences are what make this interesting. If Silver is quickly able to figure out how to adapt to these changes and regain most (if not all) of what he's lost, then the developments this introduces will quickly fade away to nothing, leaving this new plot-thread to a premature (heh heh) conclusion. As a character, I can empathize with Silver over this, but as a reader, I hope that this isn't something quickly or easily solved. It needn't be a permanent problem (whether due to him finding a way to get it off, or simply making the necessary changes to his magical techniques), but it should be one that we see him struggling with for a while. His struggle is our entertainment.
On a note, I'm slightly unsure of how he unknowingly seduced that assassin. He was clearly still channeling internally, so that doesn't make it seem like he used any sort of magical effect on her directly. Perhaps it simply made him radiate pheromones of such an intense degree that she was essentially drugged? As it is, it's a shame that she was killed...but I say that because it seems tragic for a woman to be killed just after the protagonist claims her (that and she could have been interrogated). Still, it was likely for the best. Even when she was under Silver's spell, she didn't seem to lose sight of her primary goal (to kill him), and if he had knocked her up (which I'm taking as a foregone conclusion, with his enhanced sexuality) then I doubt she'd have been much of a mother.
Oh, and that reminds me: we got to see Celestia enraged! That was rather shocking - while she and Silver have been affectionate, there's always been a distance between them. A sense that they're not fully opening up to each other, which is entirely understandable, given their history. Thus, it was rather surprising that Celestia was so upset that she essentially butchered the assassin in a fit of fury. I'd have thought that she'd have been more in control of herself...so maybe she's come to care for him more than she can admit (which, ironically, would make her somewhat akin to Luna)?
Ironically, I also found myself admiring the nameless guard who put himself between Celestia and Amenti when the former looked like she was going to attack the latter. I know Silver is a stud and all, but check out the balls on that cat! He sees the immortal demigoddess telekinetically splatter an assassin (I'm assuming they must have caught some of that), and when he sees her rounding on his pharaoh, he - alone of all the guards - puts himself in harm's way to keep Celestia at bay, despite knowing that he had no real chance against her. Now that's courage!
As for Amenti...I kind of feel bad for the girl. She must just have been starting to think of herself as being more than just a screw-up, since she was turning it all around, and now she not only almost gets her crush killed, but his wife verbally bitch-slaps her to boot. She must feel so awful right now. Deservedly so, but still. This is why good intentions alone aren't enough to rule - screwing up at that level can create mistakes that extend far beyond just you.
6095619 I am a little surprised you didn't pick on the assassin's words. Silver was supposed to turn up dead, with the signs of the killing carefully removed, made to look like the bangle did him in in combination with the mutilation he already performed on himself. When he was whisked away, he vanished in the same dark pulse of his own magic, not an accident there.
Fortunately, Celestia does have a paranoid side that she doesn't get to wallow in nearly enough, but after being predated on a few times in this country, she casually slipped a tracker onto her prize possessions, of which Silver is one, hence her speedy arrival and speedier retribution.
Having Silver die entirely by the bangle would have strained relations between her and Amenti far more than the failed assassination, or even a successful but obviously outside killer. It wasn't supposed to just 'enable' his death, but be blamed for actually killing him, so that her hand, and her hand alone, would be the source of Silver's demise. Even Celestia would have a terribly hard time forgiving the causing the death of the only male alicorn she'd ever known.
Silver channeled blindly, unable to get a specific target with his drastically altered net, and it flowed to where there was the most connections, which would be his groin, and he put out a dizzyingly potent cloud of pheromones, drugging his attacker. Not that it stopped her from stabbing him again. Not the best defense.
I think that addresses most of it. Celestia said some unkind things in her fury, but the fury will pass as Silver recovers.
6095697 Hm, I'm reading your reply, and looking back through this chapter, and I'm just not seeing what you're saying...to such an extent that I don't think that this was a case of my missing something. Rather, the picture that you were trying to clue us into doesn't seem to be materializing in the text.
The only hint I can find of the larger plot you outlined is when the assassin says "Celestia will be so sad when she realizes you accidentally caused your own death." That's it, and without any other context, I presumed she was talking about his bleeding out. There's nothing to indicate that she had the intention, or the ability, to remove the signs of the killing...and without establishing that, the instance of multiple stab wounds (and a lot of blood) kind of defeats the entire idea of disguising the manner of his death.
Even his teleporting was described as being "like" his own magic, which I took as him recognizing that it was teleportation, not that it was his magic that was being used to teleport him. Similarly, the entire idea that the bangle would have been blamed for causing Silver's death (and thus souring relations between Equestria and Anugypt) is also something that was not only not indicated here, but doesn't seem to follow logically...there was never any hint that this item was going to kill him. Painting it that way is a complete break from everything we've been told about it.
Needless to say, the tracker that Celestia put on Silver is also completely unknown to us, but this one is more forgivable, since that's the sort of thing that I would presume would be told to him (and, by extension, us) after the fact.
As for the rest of it, though...I honestly feel like the audience isn't being let in on what you planned for this chapter. Good villains will strive to hide their plans and actions from the heroes; they should not, however, be hidden from the readers.
6095751 Far too late for that now, well, not really. There'll be plenty of time for them to try and puzzle the pieces out later.
I have described their teleportations as different however. Luna and Silver teleport darkly, while Celestia appears in a flash of light, for instance.
whack
I don't buy the explanation that it would have looked like Silver did this to himself. If the slashes had occurred in conjunction with a perceived attempt by him to further limit the bangle - say, on his own time and in private - that's one thing, but everything about teleporting says it requires effort.
He was walking down a hallway, beside Celestia, the two of them heading to a meeting with the Pharaoh. He wouldn't just randomly pop away from that and spend the next minute mutilating himself without a very, very good reason. And there wasn't one. With how interrupting and abrupt the setup was, foul play should have been suspected by everyone, regardless of how the situation looked.