It was supposed to be her best trick yet, it was supposed to get her into the Wonderbolts, but due to a miscalculation that causes her to fly wildly of course and into the barn. She was unharmed, but part of the barn landed on Winona, causing her to be severally injured. The vet said that she might not make it. Will Applejack ever be able to forgive Rainbow for possibly killing her pet? Will Rainbow Dash ever be able to forgive herself?
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'Zee Captain' would like to say this...
Vhy!? Vhy kill her?!
As for myself, I am ashamed that you would do such a thing to my poor Applejack and Winona. She meant everything to her...
Welp, that was something.
Ill start by saying that if its your first story then good start!
Now, some critique. Take this constructively to further your writing.
Your story seems very rushed. Too much happening at one time, it gave the " escalated quickly" feeling. Try spacing it out, adding more detail, putting thought into character expression/ development. Secondly, you didnt seem to give very much character development, stated above. It was too basic to make a good rememorable story, for example, why is applejack just Under a tree enjoying herself when all the sudden her friends come and wonita is hurt. Maybe a little background? Some buildup? I feel as though your climax was just Too rushed and not explored as a story high. Unless there is more to come? In which case my bad carry on. Lastly, grammer and flow. Your grammer is alright but the flow is just a little to much, but i believe this can be fixed by adding what i stated above and makig the dialogue more natural.
Take my advice with a grain of salt ofcourse.
Overall, good start! Just work at it and you will do great!
Have a great day!
Dezi94
Applejack insulting RD for being an orphan seems kinda low, and out of character.
2428843
I know what must be done.
stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/2719153/battlefield-3-o.gif
Not sure if I dug it deep enough in there, but it will suffice.
2428719 I see I tugged a heartstring there...
2428766 Thank you for your constructive criticism, I will try to develop my characters a little further and space out the story aspects a little bit. And about there being more, there is more to come. I wasn't about to let this idea go just yet.
2429077
I'll gladly take your second set of dog tags if you'd like. I'll even call Luna to escort you to the afterlife.
Don't mess with my ponies bro.
2429096
Hmm... I see you have some powerful friends...
Luckily, so do I...
2429112
It's a shame that this one
is on my side. And why would you forget the great 
? She's apart of that powerful ring of friends too...
Come on Snippy, just stick it in his neck... It'll be easy!
2429127
I'm afraid Fluttershy is trying to save Winona's life...
So I can't really call her to help me right now...
2429144
Who said I was going to kill you right now? Why not when everypony is sleeping? Questions...
Patience is the key to survival. The wastelands taught you that Snippy.
2429152
Go ahead...
Take my life...
I do not fear death...
2429165
Is that true, comrade? You don't fear death? I find that hard to believe.
He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night, screaming bloody murder. He hasn't experienced the red veins of 'Cancer'. He doesn't have to deal with being set up by 'Pilot'. Hell, I wish death upon myself at this point.
2429180
Maybe fear is not the right word...
I have served my purpose...
Am I ready for it...
2429186
We've served our purposes. Others may have not. Question is, are you ready to go, or are you ready to begin another journey?
This guy bothers me Snippy. Just off him.
Patience, comrade.
2429207
Hmmm... You may be right...
I am ready for another journey to begin....
2429223
Very good. A first step in the right direction is the most important step of all. Have a fair day comrade.
He's still off, Snippy. I don't like it.
That doesn't mean we've changed a view.
Your story is too rushed.
Not to mention most characters in here were out of character.
Especially Applejack.
2430864
Thank you for your comment, I will try to sort that out in the next chapter.
A bit sad story But its great :D!
2475140
Oh, thank you. I didn't really expect you to read mine, but thank you none the less.
This story isn't done yet, still along way to go yet. Plus, I'm working on another story right now so this one has been left on hold for now.