A fued between freinds.
"Rainbow Dash couldn't have asked for more perfect whether," Said Applejack to herself from underneath one of her many apple trees. She had just finished harvesting a lot of apples from the trees in the south orchard when Dash flew up to her asking to try out a new stunt in the air space above her orchard. She didn't mind letting her try out new stuff, as she enjoyed watching her because most of the time they were spectacular.
"Hey, Appejack" Said a voice coming from behind the tree. It was Twilight, followed by the rest of the mane six.
"Oh, hi girls. What ah're you'll doing her? Come to watch Dash's new trick? Said Applejack, peering from behind the tree, eyes still partially closed.
"We sure are! I just love to see Dashie try out new trick's" Said a somewhat over-excited Pinkie Pie.
"HEY DASHIE!" She shouted as Rainbow flew past. Dash looked down towards the voice, and spotted the rest of her friends. She immediately turned around and began descending and slowing down. In a standard Rainbow dash style she choose to wait until the last minute to touch the ground, causing a dust cloud to be dragged up and all over her friend.
"Peh," Coughed the group of mares. Rainbow saw this as being hilarious and fell to the ground in a fit of laughter.
"MY BEAUTILFUL COFIOUR!" Screamed Rarity desperately trying to swipe away the dust and straighten her mane. Twilight use her magic the get rid of the dust, and with a flash of magenta, it was gone. All apart from the dust around Pinkies face which she had styled to form a beard. The others looked at her to which she replied
"What?"
She was in a state of complete ignorance to the beard, which made Rainbow Dash break into a louder fit of laughter.
"That wasn't funny Rainbow," Applejack said in an authoritive tone.
"Maybe not for you, but for me that was just beautiful," Rainbow said before flopping back to the ground with laughter.
"Is everypony ok?" Asked Twilight looking around at her friends.
"Yeah, everyone's fine sugar cube," Appejack said brushing away Pinkies dust beard. A faint cough came from a still remaining cloud of dust. Twilight quickly zapped it away.
"Oh, I'm sorry Fluttershy," She said as the dust disappeared.
"That's ok Twilight -cough- you were busy," Said Fluttershy slight struggling to breath.
Rainbow Dash eventually broke form her laughing fit and rose to her hoofs,
"Right, who's ready to see the creates trick's ever invented?" She said extending her wigs out and preparing to take flight.
"OH, I CAN'T WAIT. DO IT DASHIE. DO IT. DO. DO I-" Pinkie was interrupted by Applejack covering her mouth,
"Don't you think we'll a little close to mah barn for this?" She asked looking slightly worried whilst Pinkie looked slightly annoyed.
"don't worry about it, I got this." Rainbow said shooting off into the sky. The trick was relatively straightforward, she was going to attempt to fly forward to a suitable speed, quickly flick upwards, then without using her wings she would fall until she was close the ground where she would spin around and take flight. There was nothing that could go wrong in her mind.
"Ok, I'm going to go for it!" She yelled as she leveled out and began gaining speed.
"Wow, she's really going fast" Said Fluttershy-her mane still slightly covered in dust. In true Rainbow style she opted to do a few other tricks first before her main event. Doing varies flips and rolls in the air, all were executed perfectly. It wasn't until she flew over the barn and began her assentation that it began to go wrong. Her friends could see what was going to happen, but she chose to ignore then thinking they were trying to distract her. She was going to pull of the trick, it was going to make her a Wonderbolt.
She was up high enough to see all of Ponyville, the voices of her friends could no longer be heard. So she closed her wings, and began falling, with her back to the ground. As she fell she imagined the Wonderbolt congratulating her on her excellent trick and insisting that she join them. As she got closer to the ground she began to her to voices of her friends again. Again she chose to ignore them.
She collided with the roof of the roof of the barn causing a large section of it to collapse, fortunately for Rainbow Dash she landed on a pile of hay but a few of the larger boards did land across her. Applejack burst into the barn shortly followed by the rest of her friends.
"Are you alright Sugercube?" Applejack said pushing the barn door fully open and running towards her.
"Yeah ugh...I'm fine" Rainbow said placing a hoof against her head.
"DASHIE ARE YOU OK? FOR A MOMENT I THOUGHT THOU WERE HURT I" Again Pinkie was interrupted by Applejack grabbing her mouth, causing her make an annoyed grunting sound.
"Give me a hoof with these boards would you girls?' Rainbow said attempting to lift one of them to no avail. Twilight and Rarity both used the magic on the larger boards that lie across her, while Applejack and Pinkie removed the smaller ones.
"Thanks girls, don't know what I'd do without you," Rainbow Dash said as the last of the boards were removed.
"Don't give me all that Rainbow, you heard us load and clear but you kept flying upwards ignoring us'" Applejack snapped- throwing a board.
"Hey, calm down Applejack, I thought that you guys were trying to put me off," Rainbow Dash said rising to her hoofs.
'Yeah, well we weren't. And because of you ah going to have to pay for a new barn!" She said throwing her hat to the ground.
"Calm down Applejack, we'll help you pay for a new one," Twilight said trying to defuse the situation.
"Err...girls" Fluttershy said shyly behind Rarity.
"Yeah?" said Rainbow shaking the hay out of her mane and tail.
"Can anypony else hear that sound? She said slowly looking around the room. She was right, the was a faint sound coming from somewhere.
"Yeah, I can hear it," Said Twilight scanning the room for the source of the sound.
"WHAT ABOUT IF IT'S A-" Pinkie didn't get to finish as Rainbow , Applejack and Twilight went "Sshhhhhhh"
Pinkie then perked up her ears and she cold hear it too.
"It sounds like it's coming from pile of wood," Said Applejack as he was standing closest too it.
'Your right," Said Rainbow.
"Well, don't just stand there, give me a hoof here," Said Applejack as she began moving around the various lengths of boards trying to find the source of the sound.
"I'm coming" Said Rainbow. Shortly followed after by the rest of them. As the mares moved the boards, the sound got loud until they reached the source of it. There at the bottom of the wreckage was a barely moving Winona, she was welping in pain. The sight of it caused Applejack to recoil in shock. Fluttershy, given her experience with animals, was called upon to help. But all she saw was a mangled mess of an animal, she could tell just from a glance that she had several broken legs, a crushed rib-cage and blood was pouring out of her mouth.
Without hesitation, Fluttershy slowly picked up the injured animal and said
"She needs a vet now!" And without even waiting for a response, she flew out of the barn doors towards Ponyville. Rainbow was horrified at what she just saw, she had caused that. Applejack fell to the ground and put her head into her hoofs, she started to cry. Rarity and Twilight stood by her side and attempted to comfort her, but she didn't listen. Instead she stood back up, looked directly at Rainbow and said
"You. This is your fault. If you hadn't have tried that stupid trick, my Winona wouldn't be hurt and my barn would still be fine!" She continued to cry as she shouted at Rainbow
Rainbow Dash didn't know where to look or what to do, so she just buried her into the ground
"-I-I'm sorry..." she whispered.
"SORRY! YOUR SORRY, YOU ALMOST KILL MY BELOVED PET, DESTOYED MY BARN AND YOU'RE SORRY!' Applejack yelled. Rainbow continued to bury her face in the ground. She tried to look around at her friends fro support, but all of them were giving her the same look of disappointment, even Pinkie.
"I think it's best if you leave..." Said Twilight looking at Rainbow. She looked up at her friends faces, then back at the ground.
"I'm sorry..." She said before turning and slowly making her way towards the barn door, but not before she heard Applejack shout
"I BET YOUR PARENTS WERE GLAD WHEN THEY PUT YOU INTO AN ORPHANAGE!"
Rainbow stopped dead in her tracks, slowly turned and looked at her,
"What did you just say...?' She said slowly turning back around and clenching her hoof into a fist.
"You heard me, orphan..." Applejack mocked.
"Oh, now your in for it!" Rainbow said dashing forward with her wing power and punching Applejack in the cheek causing her to fall backwards onto the grounds. The punch also caused Rarity and Twilight to fly in separate direction. Rainbow had landed on-top of Applejack and began punching her repeatedly in the face and chest.
"I. Am. Not. An. ORPHAN." She screamed continuing to punch her. Applejack, not about to let this continues, flipped her off her and on to board pile. At this point Twilight used her magic to restrain Rainbow and Rarity used her to restrain Applejack.
"C'mon Rainbow, your leaving!" Said Twilight running out of the barn carrying Rainbow. Rarity continued to restrain Applejack until she had left.
"Are you alright, Darling?" She asked checking Applejack's face.
"Yeah, i'll be fine..." She said griping a little in pain.
" I would go to the hospital if I were you sweetie," She persisted.
"Ah said i'll be fine..." She stressed.
"I'm not worried about me, i'm worried about Winona..." Applejack said bowing her head and trying not to cry. Rarity wrapped her hoofs around her,
"It's ok sweetie, i'm sure she'll be fine." Rarity said in an attempt to comfort Applejack. She couldn't contain her tears. Applejack burst out crying onto Rarity's shoulder.
"There, there. Don't worry...she'll be fine" Rarity said patting her on the back.
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'Zee Captain' would like to say this...
Vhy!? Vhy kill her?!
As for myself, I am ashamed that you would do such a thing to my poor Applejack and Winona. She meant everything to her...
Welp, that was something.
Ill start by saying that if its your first story then good start!
Now, some critique. Take this constructively to further your writing.
Your story seems very rushed. Too much happening at one time, it gave the " escalated quickly" feeling. Try spacing it out, adding more detail, putting thought into character expression/ development. Secondly, you didnt seem to give very much character development, stated above. It was too basic to make a good rememorable story, for example, why is applejack just Under a tree enjoying herself when all the sudden her friends come and wonita is hurt. Maybe a little background? Some buildup? I feel as though your climax was just Too rushed and not explored as a story high. Unless there is more to come? In which case my bad carry on. Lastly, grammer and flow. Your grammer is alright but the flow is just a little to much, but i believe this can be fixed by adding what i stated above and makig the dialogue more natural.
Take my advice with a grain of salt ofcourse.
Overall, good start! Just work at it and you will do great!
Have a great day!
Dezi94
Applejack insulting RD for being an orphan seems kinda low, and out of character.
2428843
I know what must be done.
stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/2719153/battlefield-3-o.gif
Not sure if I dug it deep enough in there, but it will suffice.
2428719 I see I tugged a heartstring there...
2428766 Thank you for your constructive criticism, I will try to develop my characters a little further and space out the story aspects a little bit. And about there being more, there is more to come. I wasn't about to let this idea go just yet.
2429077
I'll gladly take your second set of dog tags if you'd like. I'll even call Luna to escort you to the afterlife.
Don't mess with my ponies bro.
2429096
Hmm... I see you have some powerful friends...
Luckily, so do I...
2429112
It's a shame that this one
is on my side. And why would you forget the great 
? She's apart of that powerful ring of friends too...
Come on Snippy, just stick it in his neck... It'll be easy!
2429127
I'm afraid Fluttershy is trying to save Winona's life...
So I can't really call her to help me right now...
2429144
Who said I was going to kill you right now? Why not when everypony is sleeping? Questions...
Patience is the key to survival. The wastelands taught you that Snippy.
2429152
Go ahead...
Take my life...
I do not fear death...
2429165
Is that true, comrade? You don't fear death? I find that hard to believe.
He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night, screaming bloody murder. He hasn't experienced the red veins of 'Cancer'. He doesn't have to deal with being set up by 'Pilot'. Hell, I wish death upon myself at this point.
2429180
Maybe fear is not the right word...
I have served my purpose...
Am I ready for it...
2429186
We've served our purposes. Others may have not. Question is, are you ready to go, or are you ready to begin another journey?
This guy bothers me Snippy. Just off him.
Patience, comrade.
2429207
Hmmm... You may be right...
I am ready for another journey to begin....
2429223
Very good. A first step in the right direction is the most important step of all. Have a fair day comrade.
He's still off, Snippy. I don't like it.
That doesn't mean we've changed a view.
Your story is too rushed.
Not to mention most characters in here were out of character.
Especially Applejack.
2430864
Thank you for your comment, I will try to sort that out in the next chapter.