Honor the Dead

by BinaryTroll

47: 420 blaze.

Honor the Dead
by BinaryTroll
Pre-read/Edited by Honored Service
Chapter 47:“420 blaze.”

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"Well, that's all well and good, but how do we get started?" Vi broke in.

Joel and I exchanged a glance. "Um. Good point. I have no idea."

"So far we've tried reactivating that power I had for a second, and instead turned me invisible; using natural human defense against magic, and then wasted about half an hour hunting down a magical burn medicine for magical burns." Joel said, counting out on his fingers. He held up his hand, showing us two fingers. "Did I miss anything?"

I bit my lip, thought for a bit and said, "Nope. We've done tried a total of two solutions."

"It doesn't sound like much, but to be fair there's not much else we can do." Shyv asserted. "Regardless, both of those solutions should've worked."

I held up a finger. "In theory."

"But theory and practice are two different words for a reason." Melody interjected.

"Can you not interrupt?" I asked peevishly. "But she has a point. Sure, it was my point, but whatever."

"What options do we have then?" Joel asked, crossing his arms.

I drew out the two books and opened them up. "None, so let’s find some. Vi, you can read, yes?"

"I can."

I gave her the herb book. "This'll probably be our best chance. See if you can find something that enhances natural magical power."

Without opening it, she said "That's easy. Magic-weed will enhance all magical capability, although its use is generally frowned upon."

I cocked my head in interest. "What's it look like? I may have accidentally stolen some from the market."

"Spiky leaves, often set aflame and then smoked." She replied. "It's said to strengthen the user's connection to the magical plane."

Oh. "Um. I think I may have picked some of that up." I drew out the marijuana leaf I had stolen from Zecora. "Would this be it by chance?"

“Yep, that's the one.” She said, smiling.

I stared at the leaf. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Vi cocked her head. “What?”

I brandished the leaf. “Uh, this is weed. Ganja. Cannabis. Marijuana. Whatever other fucking names this drug has. Point is...”

“It's a depressant,” Melody finished for me. “In humans at least, it induces a number of symptoms including: a decrease in short-term memory, dry mouth, impaired motor skills, reddening of the eyes, increased appetite, heightened relaxation and feelings of paranoia or anxiety."

I raised an eyebrow. "What, pull all that from Wikipedia?"

"Yes actually." She replied. "I thought you needed the help."

I briefly considered replying acidly, but relented. She didn't seem particularly malicious at this point. "Whatever. So you're telling me that if I smoke this, it will increase my magical ability."

"Yes?" Vi said uncertainly.

I frowned. "You don't sound very sure."

"Well, since I have no idea what it does to humans, I can't really be." She shrugged. "I'm just telling you what I know."

I grimaced and pocketed the weed. "Okay, that's a last resort. See if you can find something else."

"Got it." She saluted, planted her hindquarters down and began to read.

I turned to Shyv and Joel. "Alright then, what else have we got?"

"Something along the lines of nothing." Joel replied confusingly.

"I guess we can try to replicate the original conditions of when you did the thing?” Shyv offered more helpfully.

“Tried that.” Joel replied.

“Turned him invisible and gave me a headache.” I continued.

“Sounds like a perfect success then.” She said humorously.

I didn't laugh. “Alright then. Basically our options are: Drugs, and drugs.”

“Sounds like such a Dan decision, doesn't it?” Joel sighed.

“That guy is the biggest fackin druggo.” I said, slipping into a comically Australian accent.

We laughed. Old jokes. From back when we weren't in a world that looked like an excessively friendly acid trip.

What was that?

Homesickness.

And multiple personalities apparently.

Who? Me?

Ignoring myself, I rustled around in my pockets and picked out the boxes I had snatched. “Alright, and in box number 1!” I tear open the first box with a flourish. There's a few shriveled white petals lying there, completely undramatically.

“Is it really necessary for you to shout like that?” Shyv asked.

“4 boxes remain Wards... Or will you try the weed?” Joel said, adding to my unnecessarily dramatic performance.

I crossed my arms and thrust them out in front of me, parodying the 'popular' (ha ha) Australian game show. “No deal!”

Joel made a sound like an entire audience 'OOOOing', which I must admit was kind of scary. And then Melody chimed in with a jingle from the show and I collapsed into the throes of laughter. Vi and Shyv stared at us, confused.

“Australia,” I said, waving a hand dismissively. “Don't worry about it.”

“Okay...” Vi said slowly, looking back down at the plant book. “By the way, those petals are from the Fleur de la Crème flower, known for particularly in its use in cooking and making potions not taste terrible. It's a part of the reading potion, although not actually needed for the magic if I remember correctly.”

"Fleur de la Crème?" Joel asked, rolling his eyes.

"Probably the most pretentious sounding way of saying Flower of the Cream." I grumbled. "But hey, that's what saying things in other languages as part of one's general vernacular does. C'est la vie, I guess.”

“I thought German was our thing.” Joel said.

I shrugged in reply. “French, German, it's all cheese to me. Anyway, on with the boxes.”

I opened the rest with significantly less ceremony than the first, and probably rightfully so. They held a rather unimpressive collection of dried herbs, seeds and other such things. None of it useful according to the plant book. Of course.

I sat down heavily and sighed. “This has got to be some sort of cruel joke.”

Shyv cocked her head.“Why?”

“Basically, I've never done drugs.” I said. “I barely even drink.”

“That time on the mountain begs to differ.” She said, her mouth twitching up into a smile. “You could really hold your liquor.”

I winced at the memory. “My body metabolizes toxins at an increased rate, in comparison to most humans at least. Yet another perk of body modification.”

“But that's good right?” She asked. “Means you won't get high or whatever.”

With a grimace I stood up again. “Yeah, that's the problem. Tetrahydrocannabinol bypasses a lot of the toxicity metabolizing stuff and actually directly affects certain areas of my brain associated with bloodrage, namely liking the color red. A lot."

"Tetrahedron cannibal what now?"

“Tetrahydrocannabinol. It's the primary psychoactive chemical in cannabis that makes it work as a drug, although there's a ton of other stuff too.” I shrugged. “Anyway, my point is I'll probably end up trying to eat a lot of red stuff. Unfortunately that means your mane. Probably.”

“I'm not entirely sure I follow.” Shyv muttered, looking a bit overwhelmed.

“Basically, bad shit will probably happen. Magic will also probably happen. Biggest problem is, we don't know what's going to happen.” I pounded my head with my fist a couple of times. “And we're out of options and time.”

“We could always, you know, not waste our time trying to help somebody we've never met.” Vi muttered, closing the book with a snap. “I know you've read about him and all, but still.”

Joel sighed good naturedly “Don't even try Vi, once he decides to do something, he either does it or he doesn't, you won't be able to change that.”

I ran a hand through my hair. That's probably true, but it makes me sound like a particularly annoying donkey or something. Whatever. I grabbed the fresh leaf from Zecora's garden out of my pocket and rolled it up. “I dunno how this works.”

“Pretty sure you chop it up and roll it into a piece of paper or something.” Joel said, holding out his hand. “How do you not know? You rattled off how all the chemicals work off the top of your head.”

I stood up and handed him the leaf. “I care about how smoking it will effect me, not how to actually smoke the damn things. Although you'd think I'd know by now, considering the people we talk to.”

He hummed in agreement and started crushing up the leaf. “Pretty sure this too wet to use.”

I growled in frustration, dragging my nails down my face. “Why does nothing have to be easy?”

“Wasn't there some dried in one of the boxes?” Shyv pointed out.

There was indeed some in the third box, as I found out a second of rummaging through my pockets later. “Nevermind then I guess.”

“You're so melodramatic.” Vi said, rolling her eyes.

“Ever since I turned fifteen my life has been like a bad movie.” I said jokingly. “I have every right to be.”

“Close, but no banana for you, monkey.” Melody said from my pocket.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“You'll find out someday.” She replied mysteriously.

“So basically you're just fucking with me?” I deadpanned.

“If only.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Whatever I want it to.”

“Going back to pretending you don't exist.”

“Noted.”

“Gah!” I threw my hands up in the air. “Why in all fuck do I have a sentient iPod?”

“I thought you were pretending I didn't exist.” Melody said.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Vi rolled her eyes. “Yep, definitely melodramatic.”

“Are we going to stand around all day or are we going to smoke some weed?” Joel asked, waving the box in the air. “Cause I'm pretty sure we're running out of time.”

“The cute one is correct, you have three point two-eight-five minutes before Honored Service and Princess Luna arrive.” Melody informed us.

“Cute one?” Joel and I asked in unison.

She didn't reply.

“Nevermind, we don't have time for this.” I said, grabbing the dried marijuana. I roughly split it down the middle and handed half to Joel. “So we got any paper? Or a bong?”

“We have a couple of books.” Vi said, levitating up the plant guide.

I frowned in disapproval. “Yeah, no. Anything else?”

“Let's just light it on fire and breathe.” Joel said.

“Will that work?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Probably not.”

“Fuck it, whatever.” I tossed the handful of dried leaves onto a rock. “Torch it Shyv!”

“What am I, a match?” She muttered, rolling her eyes.

“No, you're thermite.” I said with a smile.

She sighed, inhaled and blew a small gout of flame onto the leaves. They started to smolder, releasing a trail of gray, wispy smoke.

I stared at it. “Welp. Here goes my straight edge-ness.”

“Technically you've already lost it, being addicted to coffee and all. Not to mention several alcohol binges.” Joel helpfully reminded me.

“Whatever.” I braced myself, brought the rock up to my face and sniffed. It smelled like burning. “Right then.”

I inhaled deeply.

Shyvanna perspective

“Right then.” Edward muttered to himself. He stared at the leaves for a second before breathing in.

“How do you feel?” I asked, curious as to what would happen. He had seemed extremely uneasy at the prospect of trying it.

He shrugged. “Meh, hasn't done anything yet.” He held the rock out to Joel, who took it and added his leaves to the pile. “You ready to light up?”

He inhaled as well, shaking his head slightly. “Blegh, can't say I'm a fan.” He passed the rock back to Edward, who took another pull.

“Aren't you going to give us some?” Vi asked.

“Fuck no.” He gave it back to Joel. “I need you two sober in case so-” He doubled over. “Oh what the fuck!”

I rushed to his side. “You all right?”

He coughed, expelling a small gout of smoke, and muttered something under his breath.

I nudged him with my head, helping him stand up straight again. “Are you sure you're alright to do this?”

With a shudder, he turned towards me, crouched down and stared me directly in the eye. “Your mane looks delicious.”

“Pardon?”

He grabbed a lock of my mane and put it in his mouth, not breaking eye contact the whole time. “Have you ever tried runes? They're fun. They dance around in front of your eyes. It's funny.”

I grabbed my mane with my wing and pulled it out of his mouth. “Stop that.”

He put it back in his mouth. “No. The runes told me to. Your hair is magic.”

“Is magic-weed supposed to do this?” Vi asked, looking on with an amused smile.

“Last I checked it was a depressant, not a hallucinogen.” Joel said, stifling a laugh. “But he did warn you.”

“Speaking of which, how are you feeling?” She asked Joel.

He shrugged and took another breath from the smoking leaves. “To be honest, not that different. Kinda empty and tired I guess. Basically what I'd expect.”

“Not wanting to eat my mane?” I asked, giving up stopping Edward.

“Not at all.” He replied, walking over to the rune. “Think I can be magical now?”

“Try it.” Vi said, shrugging. “If not, we still have redbells.”

“Alright then.” He knelt down and touched the rune. There was a flash, just like before, and the silver in Joel's suit started to glow a brilliant crimson. “Success!”

“Just one problem.” I started, prodding Edward with my hoof. “Our resident runic expert is currently tripping out and trying to eat my mane.”

He stood up, and with my mane still in his mouth, said, “I'm not tripping out. Your mane just tastes nice.”

“Then can you hurry up and fix the rune?” I grumbled. “Preferably before I have more spit in my mane than actual hair.”

He strolled over, dragging me behind him. The rune was dimly glowing red again. He dropped my mane out of his mouth and grinned. “Man Honored. You actually have no idea what you're doing. I'm surprised you got this far.”

“So what do we do?” I asked, using telekinesis to remove his spit from the end of my mane.

He knelt down next to Joel and scratched a new glyph over one of the existing ones. “That's the whole space-time dimensional problem solved. That should sync up with the approximate time he left, give or take a few years.”

“A few years?”

“Runes are an exact science, emotions aren't. The guy has so much crap running around in here that some temporal distortion is almost certain to happen.” Edward grabbed Joel's sleeve and casually bit a massive chunk out of it, chewing the now glowing red and white cloth contentedly. To Joel's credit, he didn't even blink. “Now Shyv and Vi, I need you to channel your magic into these two glyphs here.” He said, pointing at a pair of simple lines. “And once that's done, I need Joel to channel all the magic back.” He sketch a different, more complex glyph. “This'll automatically divert a small amount into the measurement, with all three different types of magic creating a proper, sophisticated measuring device, not this pathetic excuse for a magical tape-measure.”

“You're kind of hard to take seriously with a scrap of sleeve hanging out of your mouth.” I said, trying not to giggle.

“Shut up or I'll eat your mane again.” He said, standing up and dusting his pants off.

I looked down at the intricately detailed and endlessly complicated rune. It made my head spin. “So uh, where's the glyph again?”

He sighed and pointed it out. “Come on, it ain't that hard.”

I didn't respond, instead opting to channel some magic into the glyph. It started to glow a more orange-red and had a flame like effect to it. Vi did the same, and the second line lit up a sickly green. Joel placed his hand back on the rune and the red magic flowed over it, causing the new glyph Edward had written to glow particularly bright. After a second of intense light, the rune went back to looking like some drawings in the dirt.

“Job Complete!” Edward whistled a little jingle and clapped his hands.

“You have twenty seconds until Princess Luna teleports into the space you are currently occupying.” M3, or Melody now, advised us. “I would recommend not being there, lest you get telefragged.”

“I've never been telefragged before. Wonder what it's like.” Edward muttered.

“I personally don't want to find out!” I exclaimed, using my wings to boost me forward and tackle him into the nearby bushes. Joel and Vi quickly followed suit.

There was a flash and an indigo alicorn appeared in the clearing behind us. She giggled and sat down to wait. I was lying on top of Edward, trying my hardest not to breathe, while he munched on my mane again. After about a minute, a tall figure jogged into the clearing. He was tall, taller than Edward and Joel at least, and wore a curious hybrid of gold plate, a plumed helmet, and some sort of camouflage clothing with a bulky vest.

"Seriously Luna, stop teleporting on my couch. Burn marks are incredibly hard to get out." He grumbled, in a very different accent to my friends'.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Princess Luna replied, badly feigning innocence.

The human sighed and reached into his satchel. He pulled out a strange assortment of items and started to place them around the points of the rune.

“Okay now if you’ll please put this vial of tears on that point there.” He said to Luna, handing her a small vial and gesturing to the farthest point of the six pointed star. Luna picked up the vial and gently set it down on the tip of the point carved into the ground. “Great.”

He pulled a long blue flight feather out and placed it on another of the corners. There was only one empty point now. He turned to the princess, grinned mischievously, and said, “Jeeze Luna, is it going to be a full moon tonight or are you just getting rounder?”

“WHAT!?” Her head snapped around like a whip.

Honored's grin grew even wider. “Oh I guess not, the moon is probably smaller.”

“YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!” Luna leaped at him from across the rune with one hoof outstretched.

“Why did I think this was a good idea?” He asked himself unnecessarily, just before her hoof made contact with his face.

There was a huge 'CRACK' and Honored swayed drunkenly, his broken nose dribbling blood onto the last point of the star. Luna brought her hoof up for another hit, but he quickly held a hand up and caught her incoming hoof, pointing down with his free hand.

“Thanks Luna.” He smiled and placed his hand on his nose before snapping it back into place. “I didn’t really want to cut myself. And I kind of wanted to see how quickly I could make you mad.” He chuckled as the blood stopped flowing from his nose. “Wait, speaking of the moon, how is Celestia going to know she has to raise and lower it while you’re gone?”

Luna began to shuffle her hooves against the ground before looking up to him with a wavering smile, “Honored, do you really think that Celestia, my sister, is going to be fooled that easily?”

“Shit.” He pulled a scroll out and ripped it open, before beginning to read the spell while charging magic into a gauntlet he wore on his left hand. Luna ran to his side and also began to channel her magic into her horn. Red and blue magic swirled together, glowing as bright as the sun.

“To travel back to any plane,
One must be utterly insane.
Casting the spell to rip and tear,
Sending to another sphere.
Just focus on the spot,
And ready the thought.
Long for day thrice,
And pay the price.
Speak the place now,
And space will allow.”

"Time and space you dummkopf." Edward muttered, slowly pushing me off him. "You're gonna fuck this up so badly."

At the center of the rune, a white line appeared stretching from six feet in the air to the ground. Random bolts of raw magical energy began lashing out across the clearing from the line as it slowly began to open into a portal. It started to hold a circular shape with a white outline and the inside was filled with black swirling energy. More and more of the bolts lashed out from the portal striking everywhere until one of them hit the alicorn feather. Upon impacting the feather the magical bolt stayed locked to the feather creating a line of energy connecting the portal to the rune. Soon all the magical artifacts had single bolt of pure white energy going from the portal to the point on the rune.

“Wow.” Luna said, her magic slowly dying down as the portal became self-sustaining, feeding from the magical artifacts. “It worked.”

“Not yet.” Honored said, reaching out and holding Luna back. “One more thing.”

“STOP!”

I winced as Princess Celestia came hurtling towards them from the sky. She looked pissed. Honored gulped and glanced back at the portal. The swirling darkness didn't look too inviting.

“Home.” I barely heard him whisper. Red bolts of energy leaped from his gauntlet and hit the portal, turning the black center into a deep red pool of churning energy.

Edward dropped my mane out of his mouth and stared intently at the now churning red portal.

“Luna this is it. I’m going in. You can either stay here and explain where I’ve gone, or you can come with me like you wanted.” Honored held out his hand to Luna. She looked at him and then towards her sister, who was fast approaching the clearing. She looked down at herself and then nodded. She placed her hoof into his hand and then turned to face Celestia, who was just above the clearing.

“Sister I’ll be back in three days! Take care of the moon!”

Honored saluted. “I’ll keep her safe!”

Edward stood up, dragging me with him, just as the pair jumped through the portal. "It looks so tasty." He muttered, sprinting towards it with inhuman speed. I launched myself after him, colliding just as the portal started to close.

I jammed my eyes shut and braced for impact.

Author's Note:

DEAL OR NO DEAL.

The worst of the best Australian mid-day shows. Literally only watched when waiting for the doctor.

Anyway, this chapter is quite a bit shorter than the last couple, but don't worry. Another is coming soon.

-ish.

Comments

[djponyfl]

another good chapter I see, and can't wait to read the next chapter.