17: BONUS 1: Storytime with Luna.
Honor the Dead
by BinaryTroll
Pre-read by nobody.avi
Chapter 17, Bonus 1: “Storytime with Luna.”
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The dream collapsed completely, becoming a white abyss once more. Edward fell into a sitting position and the room with the desk started form around us. Unlike before though, it didn't create a full room. It cut off into the whiteness just a few meters away from where Edward was sitting.
I trotted over to the human slumped in the chair. I laughed quietly. “Well, yet another thing to add to my list of things I thought could never happen.”
Edward had somehow managed to knock himself out. In a dream. Where you might as well already be knocked out.
I decided to leave the dream, I spent enough time here already. But then I noticed something rather curious. One of the little pictures on the background was labeled 'musings and writings'.
I glanced at the unconscious human. “Maybe this will give some insight into the workings of your mind.”
I pressed a hoof to the picture. Nothing happened. I tried again. Still nothing.
“Infernal machine. Why will you not work?” I slammed a hoof into the tabletop. “WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING SO DIFFICULT HUMAN?”
No response. I sighed. “I'm missing something.” My eyes darted pack and forth across the background, looking for anything that seemed out of place.
There. One of the arrows Edward had used floated near the center of the glowing rectangle. I reached out with my magic to grab it but it resisted. After a few more attempts I gave up. There must be something else.
I looked down and noticed a black block with lots of smaller buttons glued to it. Each button was labeled with a letter or a symbol. Some had two, and a couple even had entire words. It looked very similar to a typewriter's keyboard, but the were a few extra buttons. I tried pressing a few but it didn't change anything.
The keyboard gave me an idea. Maybe there was another device that humans used to control the screen. And there it was, sitting beside the keyboard. A blue symbol glowed on the back of it and a cord ran from it into another black box behind the screen. I grabbed it with my magic and moved it along the desk. The white arrow followed it's movements on the glowing rectangle.
I moved the arrow over the folder called 'musings and writings' and pressed one of the buttons on the controlling device. It made a clicking sound and a blue box formed around the picture. I pressed the button again and another box came up, this one large, white and filled writing and more pictures. I scanned through the names of all the pictures: OC's and names, screenshots, random roleplay thing, Rift builds, WOW builds, stuff to do if I go to Equestria
I smiled at the name of the last one. “This should be interesting.”
I pressed the button twice and another box appeared, this one filled completely with writing and taking up the entire rectangle. I started to read.
Stuff to do if I ever end up in Equestria somehow.
1. Go to Canterlot.
2. Make my grand entrance. Preferably with as much fire and brimstone as possible.
3. Calm down the resulting panic.
4. Talk to the princesses. Luna first. Definitely Luna.
5. Learn magic.
6. Learn dark magic.
7. Go to Ponyville.
8. Meet the Mane Six
9. PARTY!
10. Get twilight to cast the spell that allows me to walk on clouds.
11. Go to Cloudsdale.
12. Find out whether that rainbow factory myth is true. If so, assault the rainbow factory.
13. Learn how to read equestrian.
14. READ!
15. Scare some ponies by killing and eating a manticore/cockatrice/whatever other mythical beastie looks good to eat.
16. Teach about bullying in the school for a day.
17. Run around to random other locations across Equestria
18. Find the necronomicon.
19. Return to Canterlot
20. Pull pranks with Luna and/or Celestia
21. Shove a bowie knife through Blueblood's face.
22. Resurrect Blueblood with necronomicon.
23. Tear out Blueblood's ribs and stab them through his heart.
24. Resurrect Blueblood.
25. Sparta kick Blueblood off the balcony whilst he or one of the princesses is making a speech.
26. Laugh.
27. Resurrect Blueblood.
28. Throw fireballs at Blueblood.
29. Resurrect Blueblood.
30. Tear out Blueblood's eyes and force feed him them.
31. Resurrect Blueblood.
32. Get sick of torturing Blueblood.
33. Climb to the highest point in Canterlot.
34. Jump off.
35. Hope somepony catches me.
36. Teach Luna how to use a computer.
37. Play random songs as loud as possible when walking through Canterlot.
38. Point and laugh at random ponies for no reason.
39. Parkour through Canterlot.
40. Get recruited into the guard.
41. Get kicked out of the guard for not following orders.
42. Blow something up.
43. Rebuild the thing I blew up.
44. Resurrect anypony who died because of the thing I blew up.
45. Go back to Ponyville.
46. Play smile smile smile in front of Pinkie.
47. Annoy Angel.
48. Force Flutters to go to a club. Preferably with the rest of the Mane Six.
49. Introduce Pinkie to Caffeine.
50. Run.
51. Watch from a safe distance.
52. Help repair Ponyville.
53. Fuck off back to Canterlot.
54. Get a job.
55. Lose said job.
56. Get a better job.
57. Lose the better job.
58. Go to the griffin empire.
59. Torch the meat.
60. Laugh.
61. Run.
62. Come back later and eat some bacon.
63. Walk into the throne room.
64. When questioned, answer in German.
65. Get taken to the dungeons.
66. Break out of the dungeons.
67. Go back into the throne room and swear at the king.
68. Kill the guards that try to take me to the dungeons.
69. Resurrect the aforementioned guards.
70. Laugh.
71. Ditch as the entire griffin military hunts me down.
72. Hide out in the mountains.
73. Talk to dragons.
74. Try to teach them Shouts.
75. Run from the ensuring chaos.
76. Return to Canterlot. Again.
77. Slap Blueblood to death.
78. Resurrect Blueblood.
79. Raid the kitchens at night.
80. Run from the crazy chef.
81. Star gaze.
82. Ruin the day court by kicking the door down and asking if anyone wants cake.
83. Find a changeling.
84. Bring said changeling out in front of the entirety of Canterlot.
85. Kill racist bitches who don't understand how a creature can feed off love.
86. Resurrect racist bitches.
87. Become friends with changeling.
88. Get yelled at for causing so much chaos.
89. Run.
90. Ruin the Grand Galloping Gala by starting a food fight.
91. Sing 'can't touch this' really loudly whilst dodging food.
92. Try a dandelion sandwich that was thrown at me.
93. Try hay fries that were thrown at me.
94. Play Dubstep really loudly as food fight continues.
95. Matrix dodge something.
96. Get bored of food fight.
97. Shoot some noble.
98. Get yelled at by Tia for shooting her subjects.
99. Resurrect the noble.
100. Run.
101. Wonder why this list is glitching.
102. Stop caring.
103. Run to Luna for safety.
104. Explain.
105. Run from the sisters as fast as possible.
106. Hide.
107. Stand in the doorway of the castle yelling “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” to anypony who tries to enter.
108. If anypony politely asks to go into the castle, say “One does not simply walk into Mordor.”
109. Forget that alicorns have wings.
110. Run from the sisters. Again.
111. Go into a random tavern and play the beer song.
112. Dress up in a ninja suit and sneak around in broad daylight.
113. Put money into ponies pockets.
114. Headshot Blueblood with a sniper rifle.
115. Celebratory teabag.
116. Resurrect Blueblood.
117. Throw bananas at Celestia.
118. Publicly assassinate some important guy. Preferably Blueblood.
119. Laugh.
120. Resurrect the guy I killed.
121. Hide out in Ponyville.
122. Do another anti-bullying thing at the school.
123. Sing winter wrap up in the middle of summer.
124. When asked about it, reply with “this is what winter feels like in Australia.”
125. Laugh when asked where Australia is.
126. Announce that Equestria has been plunged into eternal night in the middle of the day.
127. Get Luna to actually plunge Equestria into eternal night.
128. Announce it again.
129. Run from Celestia. Again.
130. Get changeling friend to change into Sombra and fuck around in the crystal empire.
131. Create a world war.
132. End the world war with a bloodrage.
133. Resurrect the people who died in the world war.
134. Go to the griffin empire and ask to see Julius Caesar.
135. Got up to a lemonade stand and ask if they sell grapes.
136. FIRE MA LAZOR using magic.
137. Reenact a scene from Dragonball on my own.
138. Talk with a horrible British accent.
139. Turn invisible and whisper into ponies' ears.
140. Sit upside-down on the throne.
141. Learn how to visit ponies' dreams.
142. Troll some ponies' dreams.
143. Do the shuffle in somepony's nightmare and completely ruin the mood.
144. Kill Blueblood in his dreams.
145. DUBSTEP!
146. Set ponies' dreams on fire.
147. Kill some nightmares.
148. Run around, Zoidberg style.
149. WOOP WOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOP.
150. Write a list of things to do if I get back home.
“What. The buck. Did I just read?”
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Do the shuffle in somepony's nightmare and completely ruin the mood.
LOL LOL LOL LOL
The worst part is the fact that half of this list involves the death of blueblood
139.turn invisiable and whisper into ponies ears. That gave me so many ideas
2783997
Well, that's my list. I kind of hate Blueblood with a burning passion.
2784057
Your picture scares me. Especially with the comment.
82. Ruin the day court by kicking the door down and asking if anyone wants cake.
Are you sure you didn't steal this from my imagination? Who wants breadtop kiddies?
2784794
I would love to see these actually done in the story :3
2784667 no I'm just surprised that you had so little
2785679
I get bored quickly. And I wouldn't want to spoil all the horrific deaths I have planned.
2785085
Who said they wouldn't be?
a funny chapter, and a good one at that.
I would do the ones about killing Blueblood. Then do my signature maniacal laughter that gives Marines nightmares.
2828339
I'm not Irish dammit.
140. Sit upside-down on the throne.
"I am king! BOW TO ME!
Why are all of you humping the ceiling? I SAID BOW!"
2831386
Dammit as a statement, or dammit because you're not Irish?
2859153
Uh... Both?
2863853
There we go
2869897
I have no idea what just happened.
2873723
They never do. Then they realize that their intestines are their new jump-rope. 
2882136
I think I just had another idea for killing Blueblood.
2915824
151. Cut Blueblood's gut open and make him jump rope with his intestines .
152. Resurrect Blueblood.
153. Introduce Vinyl Scratch to hardcore dubstep. Ex:
154. Feed song into her bass-cannon
155. Run
That is absolutely the #1 FUNNIEST thing that I have ever read. And FUCK YEAH FOR KILLING BLUEBLOOD, THAT GOD DAMN STUCK UP LITTLE SHIT FILLED PRICK! And all that like him shall BURN
2928237
At least you're passionate...
eep.
Been waiting a LONG time for this chapter. Starting to think there won't be one.
But then how will Blueblood ever get what he deserves?
This chapter rules!
3958637
CHAPTER 17 IS YOUR LORD AND MASTER. BOW DOWN TO CHAPTER 17.
BEST
FUCKING
CHAPTER
EVER
OK, I will be using " paste and copy" on your list and add on to it.
Best. List. Ever. Insane Twilight Approves.
I sat and read all of that... AND FUCKING ENJOYED IT!!!!! Dude... Most of those things... I would have done as well...