20: Vault... Um, moss?
Honor the Dead
by BinaryTroll
Pre-read by el nobodyo
Chapter 20: “Vault... Um, moss?”
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“So yeah, that's why I have this knife,” I brandished the ballistic knife. “About five different working video game replica vehicles and weapons, although the former was more Dan's work, and of course some of the more crazy shit in my arsenal. Like Overkill. But that's a story for another time.”
“What's Overkill? In fact, what was half the stuff you talked about?” Shyv asked, sounding confused.
I looked at her blankly for a second.
“Wards, not from our universe, remember?”
My mind started working. “Ah, sorry. I couldn't really think of anything else though. Explaining all that stuff is nigh on impossibru if you haven't lived it.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Don't fucking apologize!” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Don't apologize, there was nothing you could do. Now, lets head off.”
I stood and stretched. I looked to the sky, the sun was late morning by the looks of it, or early afternoon, I wasn't sure. A rather ominous looking cloud bank was forming on the horizon, but besides that the sky was clear.
“Hey Joel, what do you make of that?” I asked, pointing to the line of gray clouds.
“It looks like a bunch of clouds.” He replied.
“I mean, what do you think of them?”
“I think they took the gray a bit overboard, could be a little whiter. But the lightning is a nice touch.”
I sighed. “Close enough.” I'd gotten what I wanted, even if it wasn't quite in the way I wanted. Joel naturally has better eyesight than me, so he could pick out the lightning and how dark the clouds were.
“I'm surprised the ash cloud isn't still hanging around.” Shyv said, looking up to the sky with us. “The eruption only happened yesterday.”
“Meh, I just wrote that off as Equestria logic.”
“You're doing that a lot lately Wards.”
“Yeah... Maybe it's because, I don't know, we're in a land where shit like manticores, cockatrices and magic exist! If I can wrap my head around that, then I can deal with an ash cloud clearing up faster than usual.”
“Alright, no need to get bitchy.”
I sighed again. “I need caffeine.”
“Call Dan.”
“Huh, I forgot about him. I wonder how he's doing?” I pressed down my headset button. “Yo Dan, you there?”
“Hey Wardo.” Came the reply. It sounded almost sad.
“You think you can get some Mountain dew or coffee here?”
Dan sighed. “Sorry man, no can do.”
“Why not?”
“Sasha's broken, hit with two missiles. It'll take months to finish the repairs.”
“Don't you have another jet?”
“Not one that can get to you, no.”
“Oh, damn. I'm sorry man.”
A hint of anger crept into Dan's voice. “Don't fucking apologize, there was nothing you could do.”
I recognized my own words. “Heh, I guess I'm a hypocrite now. Alright man, I won't bother you again.”
“Yeah, thanks. I call you when the repairs are done. Till then.”
“Yeah, bye.”
“I'm guessing that's a no to the caffeine?” Joel asked.
“Yep, jet's broken and it'll take months to get her working again.” I replied, kicking a pebble.
“Who's jet?” Shyv asked, trotting up alongside me.
“The jet, it's the vehicle Dan uses to get around.”
“Oh, you mean the big metal thing?”
“Yeah.”
We walked in silence for a few more minutes until Shyv asked “Why did you call it a she?”
“You know how a ship's captain will call his boat a she? It's basically the same thing.”
“A ship?”
“You know, like a pirate ship?”
“Oh right. I like pirates.”
I made an invisible rainbow gesture over my head. “The more you know. The more you grow.”
“I just thought of some really creepy ways that could be interpreted.”
I recoiled slightly and held up my hands. “Oh god no! Don't even go there.”
“Oh, I just thought of another one. You know that song 'from little things, big things grow'?”
“Fuck off.”
“Is it just me, or are those clouds getting close really fast?” Shyv asked.
I looked back to the sky. “Oh, shit. That's not normal.”
“Actually Wards, it is. These sorts of fronts move at extremely high speeds. In fact-”
“Shut up. Point is, we gonna get wet if we don't find some sort of cover.”
“So? We have done so before. Multiple times in fact.” Joel pointed out. “And besides, where are we going to take shelter? There are no trees for miles.”
“How about that cave?” I asked, pointing to a narrow, but still quite large crack in the mountainside.
“That's ages away though.”
“Still better than getting wet. And besides, if there's a dragon in there we might be able to get somewhere comfortable to sleep.”
“If there is, I hope he's more understanding than Zippo.” Shyv said, a grain of anger in her voice.
“If not, well, we might have a bit of fun.”
Joel laughed darkly. “Maybe, but they won't.”
Approximately 21.436278569 minutes later
“That's one big hole.” I muttered, looking up at the huge crack in the cliff.
Joel stepped up on my left. “That's what she said.”
“Don't think that's what you're looking for mate.”
“Shuddap Wards.”
I examined the crack a little more. It looked natural, but it didn't really feel like it was. I dismissed the feeling to the cartoonyness of the world and just how stupidly tall it was. The crack itself didn't seem very deep, but it looked like there was a cave inside it just above where we were standing. I pulled myself up onto the ledge and looked around. The cave was rather small and had...
“Holy shit guys! Get up here!” I called out to my friends.
An instant later Joel jumped up onto the ledge, followed by Shyv.
“Is that?”
“Yep. That's a vault.”
The giant foreboding metal door sat in the cave, it's number gone. Moss had grown all over the door, not to mention everything else. The switch to open the door looked broken, the metal eaten away in some places.
“So how do we get in?” Joel asked.
“Why would you want to?” Shyv asked.
“Because it's a vault. A fucking vault!”
“Full of treasure?” Shyv asked.
“Probably not, but it might have food. Which we need now since we can't order any express deliveries from Dan anymore.”
“I can just eat the metal.”
“Yeah, but we can't.”
“So how do we get in?”
“Well, that's the question, isn't it?”
I walked over to the console and studied it further. Bit's had been ripped out of the casing and it wasn't receiving any power. Not going to get in that way.
Next I looked at the door itself. It was heavily rusted, and any paint that it may have originally had was stripped off, leaving it bare of any decoration. Small droplets of moisture dripped down through the moss. Surprisingly, the door itself was almost unmarred, despite the erosion that should have been taking place. Whatever metal the door was made of, it was very strong.
I tapped it three times in quick succession. If felt very thick and solid. And also a bit painful to hit hard. I pulled out the brass knuckles and rapped on it with them. A series of dull clangs echoed through the cave.
“Yes, what do you want?” Asked a hidden loudspeaker.
“Holy shit!” The three of us yelled in unison.
“I repeat, why are you here?”
“Actually, the first time you said 'what do you want', no 'why are you here'.” Joel said to the door.
“Don't try my patience. Why are you here?”
I sighed. “We need water, food and somewhere to sleep.”
“How did you find this place?”
“By walking through a crack in a cliff.”
“What race are you?”
“Not anything you've ever seen.”
The loudspeaker guy sounded like he was getting a little angry.“I repeat: What race are you?”
“Me? Well, I’m human I guess.”
The loudspeaker was silent.
“I'd hate to say I told you so.”
Silence.
“I lie. I told you so.”
More silence.
“Alright, I get the message. Fuck you too.”
A distinct absence of noise.
I sighed and turned away from the door. “Alright, I guess we're sleeping on the ground tonight.”
CLANG
“MOTHER FUCKER!” I spun round.
The huge gear slowly creaked and clattered its way open, to reveal the dull, rusted interior of the vault. A single copper-colored pony with a dull gray mane stood to greet us.
“You are the human Honored Service, are you not?”
I gestured for Joel and Shyv to step forward. “Last I checked, Honored didn't travel with a half-dragon and another human, thanks.”
“You travel with a filthy half-breed?”
“You feel like dying painfully? Because asking that question suddenly makes me want to kill you horrible ways.”
“I am sorry, I just didn't realize one of your stature would travel with such an abomination.”
I sighed, pulled out a ballistic knife and lightly threw it at the pony. It cut him across the chest, not a fatal or even serious wound, but one that would hurt. “You think I was kidding about the killing you thing?”
The pony fell to the ground clutching his chest with a hoof. “You attacked me!”
“Bitch I threw a knife at you. Slowly. You could have easily dodged. And it's hardly fatal, a paper cut would be more serious than that little scratch.”
“You still attacked me!”
“And you're still wining about it, we've established this. Can we move on now?”
The pony got to his hooves. “You are very rude to considering all I've done for you.”
“Mate, you opened a door. And you were just as rude to Shyv, and by extension, me. I made a threat, I gave a warning, Insult Shyv, Joel or me again and you'll be dead. Understand?”
“Yes.” The pony replied grudgingly.
I suddenly smiled, appearing a lot less serious. “Alright, now we have all the usual greetings out of the way, what's your name?”
“I am Doctor Life.” The doctor replied, standing up a little straighter.
“Lemme guess, your first name is Half?”
“Yes it- wait, how did you know?”
I let my gaze wander around the vault before returning it to the doctor. “Lucky guess?”
The doctor looked rather suspicious. “And what is your name?”
“That's Wards.” Joel said, not giving me a chance to speak. “This is Shyvanna,” He gestured towards the half-dragon. “And I'm Joel.”
“Dammit Joel.” I muttered.
“I would say pleased to meet you but...” Half Life looked pointedly at his chest.
“Ah yes, would you mind giving me back my knife?” I asked, suddenly remembering.
The doctor threw the knife at me like a dart. I snatched it out of the air with ease, not even taking my eyes off the doctor.
Half Life shivered and I smiled a smile that didn't reach my eyes.
I replaced the knife with it's companions. “Thank you, now about that food...”
“You dare-” I dropped my hand purposely to the not quite hidden sheath where I kept Luna. “Um, yes sir.”
I smiled with a small amount of genuine amusement. “I'm not a sir, I'm a dangerous, not quite mute lunatic.”
The pony turned and started off down the hallway into the depths of the vault, muttering something that sounded like “I don't have a hard time believing that.”
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Do what ever you want, it's your fanfiction. Personally I'd like the character profile, though only if you are planning to add more characters :3
another very good chapter.
3039514
Well, I will add more, and the party will change over the story, but I'm unlikely to go over four in the party at once. And I'm asking because its something I'll write for the readers, as opposed to the rest of the story, which is basically written to stave off madness.
3041654 Good good... Can't wait then :3
HA! I like that info thing your doing for the characters. Quick question though. What exactly are the motercycle blades that Joel has? Are they just large blades from it? I don't remember them.
3100285
They're the blades from way back in chapter eight, the ones I ripped off the bike along with its storage compartment. I believe I mention them in chapter five or six when I describe the bikes.
HOLD UP SHYV SAYS “I can just eat the metal.” YET THEY HAVE TO KNOCK AND HAVE THE DOOR OPENED TO GET IN
DA FUQ
4023946
Have you eaten a cake twice your height and four times as wide? Cause that's what you're suggesting here.
Pretty sure my Fallout Bew Vegas Character could take 'em on... Maybe... Or they could be friends... He is pretty nice...
For a second I thought the vault was going to be filled with humans like fallout