Honor the Dead

by BinaryTroll

12: In which Equestria girls is officially a thing.

Honor the Dead
by BinaryTroll
Pre-read by nobody. :( Maybe I should actually bother looking for one. Nah, I'm good.
Chapter 12: “In which Equestria Girls is officially a thing.”

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“THEY DID IT! THEY ACCTUALLY DID IT!”

Joel and Shyvanna jumped.

“You right there Wards?” Joel asked, looking concerned.

“HOW DOES NO ONE NOTICE SHE HAS PURPLE SKIN? WHY IS SPIKE A DOG? THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?”

I turned around, vomited up a stomach's worth of half digested baked beans, and blacked out.

I came to a few seconds later.

“What just happened?” I moaned, sitting up. My face felt wet. I wiped my cheek and checked my hand. “Ew.” I had fallen into a puddle of my own vomit.

Shyv and Joel stared at me, looking sick themselves.

“Alright, guys. What just happened?”

Joel blinked hard before replying. “Well, you screamed something about 'they actually did it', then turned around and vomited. And then blacked out.”

Shyvanna just held a hoof over her mouth and turned away.

I looked at her. “Well, judging by that reaction, I need a shower. Or a bath. Or hell, even a pond. Are there any around here?”

“Outside.” Shyv choked, pointing a hoof towards the door that led to the mouth of the cave. I strolled over to it and kicked it open.

Sunlight streamed into my eyes. “Fuck me, that’s bright.” I said, blinking. After the sun had finished burning itself onto the back of my eyes, I stepped outside. The cave was, of course, facing west into the setting sun.

I found a large pond a few meters away. The water was clear, and I could easily see the obsidian bottom. Must have been some volcanic activity around here. Well yeah, no shit. Of course there was. Dragons live here, so it would make sense. Stop repeating yourself. I'm not though. Well I am but- NO, SHUT UP. Stop talking to yourself. Okay. I said stop. Stop yourself. Now your being a hypocrite. So are you. We're the same person. Just shut up.

I finished my little internal dialogue and plunged my hands into the water.

“MOTHERFUCKER!” I comically jumped about 5 meters straight up into the air. Somehow. “THAT IS SO FUCKING COLD!”

I landed and rolled...

Straight into the pond.

I felt like someone had dropped me into a freezer. Being Australian, I don't exactly have high cold resistance. So screw you Canadians and Russians and Eskimos. It was fucking cold.

I clawed my way to the surface and took a deep breath. At least I was clean. Relatively. I swam over to the nearest edge and rolled myself out. “The universe must hate me.” I muttered, shivering.

I made my way back into the cave, dripping water. I was soaked through. Fucking fantastic. So much for my ipod. And my dignity. And my body heat. I stumbled over the door I kicked down earlier and walked back to Joel and Shyvanna.

“S-u-u-up?” I asked, my teeth chattering.

“Dude, you look almost worse than when you left.”

I rubbed my hands together and curled up into a ball. “Can w-we go out-t-t-side? I'm fr-r-r-r-eezing.”

Joel stood up and stretched. “Why not? We can watch the sun set too.”

“I always preferred sunrise.”Shyv said, standing with Joel. “It sort of gets brighter, not darker.”

“I d-d-don't c-c-care. I'm fuc-c-c-king cold.”

Joel led the way out the door, his footsteps echoing around the cave. Shyv followed. I sprinted out after them.

“Why c-c-can't I stab-b-b wat-t-ter?” I asked no one in particular. No one in particular answered.

I slumped down on the grass and shivered. Joel sat next to me. Shyvanna stayed standing.

“Edward?”

I looked up at the half dragon.“Yeah Shyv?”

“Do you want to be dry?”

“That-t-t'd be gr-r-reat.”

Shyv took a deep breath.

“Oh shit.” I held up my arms in an attempt to defend myself.

Shyvanna exhaled, breathing a huge gout of flame into the air just above my head. I think my lovely blue eyebrows got singed off. After sustaining the flame for a second, she closed her mouth, cutting off the fire.

“Fuck me. I think you boiled my brain.”

Shyv smiled mischievously. “What brain?”

I scowled. “I hate you.”

“I could push you back in the pond if you want.”

“And I could kill you in an instant.”

Shyvanna lay down on my right. “Point taken.”

I gazed out to the setting sun. “I have the sudden urge to play kingdom hearts again.”

Shyv looked up at me curiously. “Kingdom hearts?”

“It's a computer game.” Joel said from my left, fiddling with a blade of grass. “Wards has an unhealthy obsession with it.”

“Its not unhealthy! Or an obsession.” I snapped back.

“Yeah, that’s why you paid a thousand dollars for a coat.”

Shyv just looked even more confused. “What's a computer game?”

“Doesn't matter. Just think a game where you can magically be someone else. That’s about as believable as its gonna get for you.”

“It sounds stupid.”

“It probably is. But it's almost as fun as doing it in real life. And you can do things you could never do in real life anyway. Like sprout a pair of wings and fly. Or nuke the entire world.”

“Nuke?”

“Super massive bomb type thing.”

Shyvanna nodded slowly. “Right.”

We sat in silence for a few more minutes before Shyvanna spoke up again.

“I thought you couldn't use magic?”

I sighed. “We can't. We are just a super technologically advanced race. As my father always said: 'any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.' So it was easier to explain as magic, because that's something you can understand.”

“Try me.”

“The computer does its primary work in a part of the machine we cannot see, a control center that converts data input to information output. This control center, called the central processing unit (CPU), is a highly complex, extensive set of electronic circuitry that executes stored program instructions. All computers, large and small, must have a central processing unit. The central processing unit consists of two parts: The control unit and the arithmetic/logic unit. Each part has a specific function.

Before we discuss the control unit and the arithmetic/logic unit in detail, we need to consider data storage and its relationship to the central processing unit. Computers use two types of storage: Primary storage and secondary storage. The CPU interacts closely with primary storage, or main memory, referring to it for both instructions and data. For this reason this part of the reading will discuss memory in the context of the central processing unit. Technically, however, memory is not part of the CPU.

Recall that a computer's memory holds data only temporarily, at the time the computer is executing a program. Secondary storage holds permanent or semi-permanent data on some external magnetic or optical medium. The diskettes and CD-ROM disks that you have seen with personal computers are secondary storage devices, as are hard disks. Since the physical attributes of secondary storage devices determine the way data is organized on them, we will discuss secondary storage and data organization together in another part of our on-line readings.

Now let us consid-"

"Wards. Shut up."

I looked at Joel meekly. "Sorry."

Shyvanna's eyes were spinning around like marbles in a jar. Being a cartoon is weird. I thumped her on the head.

"You right there Shyv?"

Her eyes stopped spinning. "Yeah, I don't think I understand anything you just said."

"Wardo knows best." Joel said from the ground next to me.

"Shut up Joel. But yeah. Next time, just trust me when I say you don't want to know."

"I will."

I stood up. "I'mma go get some sticks for a fire. You two can stay here or come, I don't really care.”

Joel made a mock sad face. “You don't care about me? I thought we had something Wards.”

I gritted my teeth. “One, shut up. Two, that makes us sound like we're gay. Three, you know perfectly well what I meant.”

“Oh, really?”

“Bye.” I strode off up the mountain.

Twenty minutes later

“I really didn't think this through, did I?” A mountain with no trees will not have sticks. There are no branches for the sticks to come from, no trees for the branches to come from, and its too damn steep to have any trees growing on it. Not to mention rocky.

I picked up a stone and tossed it down the mountain. It bounced twice before disappearing from view.

Stupid lack of trees. At least the grass on the plains was burnable. If horrible smelling.

I cracked my knuckles and ran up the slope. Maybe something will have managed to grow on the top.

The loose rocks made it rather treacherous to run up the mountain like a madman, but who was I if not a madman? I stumbled as a large stone wobbled under my foot, but I recovered quickly and continued.

I was getting ever closer to the summit of the mountain. I had already passed through some low clouds, so I must be almost there.

I reached the top of the... Volcano? Yes, it was a volcano. A huge pool of lava lay in a crater that served as the summit. And the pool was swelling. And gurgling. Well shit.

I turned around and half sprinted, half slid back down the slope.

“Hey guys! The volcano is kinda erupting!” I yelled down to my friends once they were in earshot. “You might want to ditch!”

I slid the last few meters to Joel and grabbed onto him to stop myself from sliding off the edge.

“How do you know?” Shyv asked, jumping to her feet. “Was there lava in the top?”

“It was getting close to over flowing.”

“Buck. We have to leave. Now.” Shyvanna ran for the edge and jumped, opening her wings. Jesus, they were huge. “Come on, I'm strong enough to carry you both.” She called back to us, circling.

“Dude, you go first.” Joel said, looking a bit sceptically at Shyv.

I turned to the pegasus and ran. “CATCHMECATCHMECATCHME!” I fell into her front legs. “Ow. Your hooves are hard.”

She ignored my complaint. “Joel, your turn.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“No.”

Joel smiled. “Excellent.” He began to run. “LEEROOOOOOOOOY JENKIIINS!”

He dived off the edge after me and safely landed on Shyvanna's back. She grunted. “You're a bit heavier than I thought.”

“Are you still fine to carry us?”

“Yeah.”

With a few powerful flaps, She took us to an adjacent mountain. Hopefully not a volcanic one.

Shyv set us down at around the same point as we were on the volcano. Just as the top exploded.

KUH-BOOM

“MOTHER FUCKER!” Fiery death rained from the top of the volcano as lava rushed down the slope.

I marveled at how close we had been to being burnt alive. “Hey Shyv. Why didn't you tell us that we were on an active volcano?”

“You never asked.”

“I hate that response.”

Joel sighed. “It doesn't matter anymore, we survived thanks to Shyvanna.”

“Indeed we did. So now what?”

Shyvanna landed and folded her wings. “I would suggest we try to find a dragon who is kind enough to shelter us for tonight. Or at least a cave.

Joel put his hand up. “I second that motion.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Motion passed. Lets go find a dragon.”

Nek minute

“NO, you half-breed scum!” The dragon slammed the bolder back into the mouth of his cave.

I sighed and put my face in my hands. “This world is not exactly as 'sunshine and rainbows' as the show makes it out to be.”

Shyvanna turned back and joined Joel and I. “What did you expect, a warm welcome to a half-breed? Dragons are afraid of whats different. And I'm about as different as they get.”

“Well fuck em. I'm sick of these idiots' attitude.” Joel said

I drew the royal sisters and smiled. “People don't have attitude when they're dead.”

Author's Note:

Standard procedure. Comment on any mistakes in the comments.

Comments

[Leggy the brony]

Mistakes? I see no mistakes...

[BinaryTroll]

2594160
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

edit: you know, this whole story may have been a mistake.

[Leggy the brony]

2594193 I didn't find any... *shrugs*
This story is quite funny... No jokes, so it's not a mistake :L

[BinaryTroll]

2594500
Heh. Can always count on you three, can't I?

[Leggy the brony]

2594520 Indeed... *strokes beard*

[BinaryTroll]

2594708
I wish I had a beard. All I have is moustache. I can't grow a beard for some reason. Why am I telling you this? Anyway, to you three (leggy, marmou and ignor el del mortis or whatever) and anyone else for that matter, is there anything you want to see in the upcoming chapters? More ideas, faster writing, more updates.

[marmou]

2596671 I want Shyv's character to develop more. I want to know more about her story and her personality. Little things like the way she enjoys sunrise more than sunset are why I like her, but I need to know more. She seems like such a beautiful character.

[BinaryTroll]

2598157
And I am working on just that. She's based off the character of my girlfriend. I find it easier to base characters off people I know, the little personality quirks give a character believeability. If that's even a word. Expect more on that in chapter 13 and 14. Although 13 will be more of a stupid chapter. For reasons of 13.

[marmou]

2598545
Is that so? She sounds so nice, I am almost jealous. I shall eagerly await chapter 13. 13 is a nice number is it not?

[Ignis Mortis et Doloris]

People don't have attitude when they're dead.

*Draws swords* I agree.

A pic of the swords that I proudly own:
trueswords.com/images/prod/c/thrasher_twin_swords_540.jpg

[marmou]

2634792
I'm so jelly.

[Ignis Mortis et Doloris]

2636392
I prefer peanut butter. also I just had them sharpened today.

[BinaryTroll]

2634792
Sigh, Australia. Where you can't get awesome badass swords. But where did you get them? I WANT LINKS! Also, this describes my face perfectly when I wrote that

[Ignis Mortis et Doloris]

2636983
You can get them here . The prices will make you shit a brick.

[BinaryTroll]

2640519
$20? HOLY SHIT THAT'S CHEAP! But they don't ship to Australia. Not to mention It's probably illegal. Dicks.

[Ignis Mortis et Doloris]

2641481
Rock bottom prices are pretty sweet, and I'm saving up for this handbow for epicness.

[marmou]

I hate to be that annoying guy in the comment section, but y u no write more story?
Victor, are you still alive?

[BinaryTroll]

2656323
Sorry. I kinda got addicted to Warframe, had to finish 5 different assignments and had to study for exams. But in the holidays (2 weeks away) there will be more frequent updates. Oh, and I'm trying to get back into parkour. And earn enough money to get Luna and Celestia (the knives) IRL. and a few other weapons that will make an appearance in the upcoming chapters. By the way, thanks for giving me the idea of buying weapons online Ignis mortis et doloris (I can spell it properly now. Yay. Seriously, why does your name have to be so hard to remember?), you've doomed the world. *stab* *stab* *stab*

Edit:Why did no one tell me I hadn't edited in the italics?