• Member Since 30th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Jul 15th, 2023

TwinkleS7ar


T

At Elementary School, Rainbow Dash meets Fluttershy, who relays her the legend of the Sonic Rainboom. Supposedly a beautiful sight for all to behold, an event that influences many lives once it occurs. Dash wanted to be a part of it, or at least see one. And one day, she did manage to get a view of it.

Unfortunately, she was the only one who did.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 7 )

I liked this a lot, but it would have had a much more powerful effect on me emotionally if it hadn't been riddled with errors. Get an editor to help you, because you're a good writer and your stories should be read by more people.

2294225
I truly appreciate your feedback and support. I'm currently in the process of writing chapter 2, though it seems I couldn't avoid making mistakes as much as I thought I would by using MS Word (It did help though).
If you don't mind, could you give me some examples of my mistakes? I need to see what exactly I'm equivocating myself on.
Also, getting an editor seems like a good idea, but I feel as if I will need someone that is a native or at least lives at an English speaking country so I can assure higher quality. I sadly don't know any, but I will try looking for one, thanks for the advice.

Gotta say, I don't always read fics, but when I do, they are pretty damn good. I like the way you're going with it really. Also I did not notice any huge spelling mistakes reading it so I have no idea what parasprite is talking about... maybe just punctuation... It did seem a bit haphazard with that in a few place but I'm not an expert on it so I can't really say for sure.

also the lines involving excitement are used twice really close together in the beginning 2 paragraphs. It was kinda jarring is all.

maybe change "The little filly eyed the building excitedly" to "The little filly eyed the building readily"?

the flow isn't broken by repeating words then :P

2294504

If you put the first chapter on google documents, I'll go through and point out everything for you. ^_^

Or wtf I'll just copy paste it or something actually hur dur

2294806
Here: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BwN8mFhAbFYbXzNsNkZJWDdmaEk/edit?usp=sharing
You'll also see a tiny chunk of chapter 2, feel free to take a look.
2294689
Thank you, I'll make sure to re-edit a few bits tomorrow after I see what "the parasprite" has found wrong.

Login or register to comment