The Ballad of 47

by Unholy_rarity

chapter 2

About two days have past since he undertook his quest for revenge. He has slowly been walking for days until he arrives in a small town. He’s not sure of its name but as entered, he heard a familiar voice inside his head speaking to him. “Don't be alarmed it is only I!” Nightmare Moon yelled. 47 shuddered due to the yelling inside his head.
“I'm not alarmed, just in some minor pain.” 47 snapped back
“You best watch your tone, as it is not many a day royalty screams into your head.” Nightmare Moon chuckled.
“Yeah, yeah, thanks a lot for splitting headache. Do you have anything to report to me?” 47 asked.
“What? Can't I just drop by your head to talk?” Nightmare moon asked.
“No, you can’t. I’m kinda busy doing the job we set out to do.” 47 said, clearly annoyed.
“You’re absolutely no fun. But yes, I have update for your plans. You are to look for a very important pony. She is working on a cannon of sorts. You are to assist her in any way possible.”
“Okay? but how do I find her?” 47 asked.
“Why would I ruin the fun for you?” Nightmare Moon laughed.
47 felt his eye twitching. Sure he had sold his soul, but this was not what he had sold it for! He gritted his teeth, continuing his trek into the town. The town was full of nice two story houses, a couple of humble one story houses and 47 managed to spot a tavern off in the distance. He trotted at full speed hoping to pick up some rumors about the pony he needed to find.

<><><><><><><><>

He opened the doors to find a unicorn sitting in the corner with two other unicorns. 47 discretely listened in on their conversation while taking a seat at a nearby table.
“Come on charlie!” the pink unicorn cried.
“No guys, anytime I listen to you two it always ends up bad for me.” CHarlie sighed as he took a drink.

“Come on, Charlie! You just gotta believe in the giant orange and purple chicken that shows up every night at midnight! Believe, charlie!” The blue unicorn yelled. 47 couldn’t tell if he was drunk or just legitimately excited over a magic chicken.
“No guys, I’m done. I’m fucking done. When I looked into the mirror this morning, i asked myself, ‘What am I going to put up with today?’ You know what? its not. Fucking. THIS!” he yelled as he walked out of the bar. The two other unicorns chased after him. 47, oddly intrigued by this rumor, decided that he would test it out later. 47 moved closer to the bar and ordered a few drinks.Unfortunately, nothing of interest was said for about several hours, so he took to the streets around midnight to test this rumor.

<><><><><><><><><>

47 was now in the town square. Its very empty and no honest pony is out at this time.
He stood, idly watching the clock for when it strikes midnight. At midnight, he heard twelve very specific dongs of the clock, one after another, appreciating the rings for some reason.
“Huh,” He shrugged. “I guess it was just rumor” 47 started to walk off when out of nowhere a loud crow rang through the air and in a flash he saw it. A big orange and purple chicken in just straight up flying through the sky. It was flying closer. 47 was tracking its movement and just as it flew overhead it dropped a large object onto his head with such force that he was knocked unconscious.
When 47 awoke, his head was swimming. Taking a moment to regain his senses, he found that it was still very late. Checking the clock tower he was surprised to find that it had only been an hour so since he been knocked unconscious.
47 glanced around. Everything seemed normal until he looked at his hooves where he noticed a golden egg resting in his grasp. He picked it up and felt it, cheking its surface for any identifying marks. He found none, but the egg appeared to be made of solid gold. Finding this a bit odd, he decided to keep the egg, feeling that it was somehow important... or maybe it was just the head trauma talking. 47 started to wander around this empty town when he found a park full of trees. Laying down and propping himself up against a tree, 47 was about to fall asleep when he heard a cry from off in the distance.
“Hey, get your hooves off that! Dude, I am about to go ballistic on your ass!”
47 yawned and went to check on this disturbance. As he approached it, he saw some royal guards harassing a white unicorn with a two toned blue mane.
“You are disturbing the peace of this town with your music.” One of the guards said. “As the law clearly states, we must stop the disturbance as we see fit. As such, we are taking your equipment to insure this never happens again.”
“Oh, no! You are not touching my shit!” The mare screamed in rage as she was forced to the ground by the guards. “Do you know who the fuck I am? I’m Vinyl Scratch and nopony fucks with my equipment!”
“That’s the one you’re looking for.” Nightmare Moon whispered to 47, sounding quite pleased with herself.
47 grabbed a nearby (and conveniently placed) rock and proceeded to club both guards in the head.
“Whoa, dude. That’s some metal shit you just did right there!” Vinyl beamed, thanking her savior.
“It was nothing.” 47 replied, waving his hoof. “Just doing my good deed for the the night.”
“Wait a second... holy shit! You're that guy I saw earlier standing around the square! You must’ve been waiting on our fabled chicken. I saw it drop an egg on your head, dude and you were like ‘whoa!’ for a moment and then you passed out. I ran up to check out that golden egg. i tried to take it, but even if you were unconscious you weren't having any of it. You were flailing around protecting that thing like it was your child.” This entire monologue, Vinyl had been acting out her words using her hooves, waving them around.
“Heh, it’s nothing. Just an egg.” 47 chuckled, thinking about the mishap.
Vinyl waved her hoof. “You know what man? I don't care,Ii just owe you one. Where’re you staying tonight?”
“Over by that tree.“ 47 said, pointing back to the park. If you squinted, you could just make out the tree in the distance.
Vinyl burst out in laughter. “Now now I can't leave a friend sleeping out in the park!” as she finished, she grinned widely. It was the kind of grin you never want to see on a pony who’s standing right next to you. Or ever, for that matter.
“No, no. I'm fine. Really.” 47 waved a hoof nervously trying to ward her away.
“I insist! I’d love the company.” vinyl laughed again, but this time it wasn’t accompanied by that weird-ass grin, which relieved 47. Then from inside his head he heard Nightmare Moon speak to him.
“Just do it.” She snapped at him. “As far as I am concerned, you do whatever she wants you to do until we’ve got her buttered up enough to join us.” Despite only hearing her voice, 47 could tell that Nightmare was smiling, when she suddenly let a snicker slip past her facade.
47 felt like he is the center of some massive joke. Nervously, he asked, “What’s so damn funny?” Nightmare Moon and Vinyl both ignored him, so with nothing better to do, he followed Vinyl back to her hotel.

<><><><><><><><><>

The elevator doors swung open on the ‘penthouse floor’.
Vinyl flopped down onto her bed. “Welcome to my room!” she smiled.
47 inspected the room for moment. There was a large amount of electronical parts that he wasn’t quite sure what the purpose for them was. The room was also full of food wrappers and other various junk, including several articles of clothing.
“It looks like teenager lives here.” 47 thought disdainfully.
Vinyl yawned. “Welp, find place to sleep. There’s a couch around here somewhere … Maybe under some of this?” Vinyl proceeded to dig through a nearby junk pile.
47 glanced at the bed.
“Whoa, mister. I'm not sharing a bed with you. I appreciate what you did but not that much man.” She frowned at him, glaring from over the edge of her glasses.
47, not having the courage to hop into the bed, found the couch (in a different section of the room than where Vinyl had been searching) and cleared the junk off of it. Taking a deep breath, he fell into the most peaceful sleep he had had since these events started to unfold.Unfortunately, he was going to need that sleep because in few hours, things were going to get hectic.
<><><><><><><><>

It was afternoon-ish when 47 awoke.
Vinyl was already at the table, eating. “Morning, sunshine.” she smiled.
47 smiled back. “Can I have some of that?” he asked staring at a beautiful cheese pizza.
Vinyl threw a piece at him. 47 caught it skillfully in his mouth. “So what’re the plans for today” He asked, his mouth still full of cheese.
Vinyl chuckled. “I’m gonna run some errands, but you can't be hanging around looking like that.”
47 felt somewhat offended by that statement. “Then what do you suggest ?“ he asked.
Vinyl walked towards the closet and pulled out three outfits, none of which 47 was happy to see, and placed them on the bed. Front and center was a cheerleader outfit. Just beyond that sat a maid’s outfit and then the last piece of clothing was an overly fancy dress with tons of lace. Like, TONS.
47 Stared at the outfits, horrified. “I can't wear any of this!” He shouted, frowning at Vinyl.
“You can if want to hang with me.” She replied, winking at him. “I’m never seen in public with a guy, so if you’re gonna be hanging with me you gotta look the part.”
‘Am I really going to do this?” 47 thought to himself. When Vinyl’s stare didn’t waver, he sighed to himself. “Ah... I guess I am...”
“Damn right you are!” Nightmare Moon laughed into his head. “Besides, I think you would make a cute mare.” by now, Nightmare was cackling into his mind hysterically.
47 sighed and grabbed the maid’s outfit. Walking into the bathroom to change he muttered to himself, darkly. “This is so fucking demeaning.” His ears drooped on his head, as if they knew he was clearly losing all his stallionhood in this moment of time. Very hesitantly, 47 pulled up the lacy panties. He had always wondered why mares wore these when they wore clothes, but any other time they wouldn't next them. Next, came the socks. He pulled them up and over his hind legs. Turning to look at the rest of the outfit, he sighed very loudly.
“You're such good sport.” Nightmare Moon giggled. “If it reassures your ego, you can have me after this is all done and you’re a real stallion.” Nightmare Moon burst out laughing. “Okay, no, I couldn't say that with straight face.” She continued to laugh. “I’m sorry, i just couldn’t--” Her laughter reached a peak.
47 snorted through his nose. “Hey, now. I might just hold you to that.”
“Please do.” Nightmare Moon purred. “Because if you have a chance to hold me to it, then that means we would have won.” She sighed wistfully, before turning back to the matter at hoof. “Now put on your damn dress!”
47 sighed and slipped in the dress. He turned to look in the mirror and get a good view of himself. “You know what? I’d do me.” 47 said reassuring himself. “I totally would.”
“So you're actually getting into this?” Nightmare Moon asked, her laughter gone. “This is... unexpected.“ She stayed silent for a moment before letting out a loud groan. 47 could almost hear the facehoof. “Oh, alright. I can't bare to see my best warrior demean himself like this. I will handle this personally!”
His head went silent. 47, confused, glanced around the bathroom, jumping when he saw a large, blue, alicorn mare with a starry mane was standing next to the door.
“Princess?” 47 asked, surprised.
“It’s queen, foal.” Luna said, reassuring 47 that he was talking to Nightmare Moon. “Now please accompany me, as I have to talk with our friend.” she smiled her voice eerily pleasant compared to how she spoke into his head. Opening the door, they left the bathroom.
“Whoa, when did a princess get in here, man?” Vinyl bowed her head as Luna entered the room.
The princess waved her hoof. “Please, you don't have to be so formal.”
Vinyl hopped back up, a relieved expression on her face. “Boy am I glad for that. I'm never this formal.” She giggled. “So, to what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Well, I hear you had a bit of trouble with some royal guards earlier today.” Luna smiled. “And just so happens, I'm having problems with royalty myself.”
“Princess Luna, are implying what I think you are?” Vinyl asked cautiously.
“Indeed. My sister, Tia, is not a moral leader. If she is to continue to rule, Equestria is doomed.” Luna frowned. “I am afraid it will be the end of you, too. My sister has caught wind of your plans to make your... bass cannon project a reality.” Luna’s expression turned to a smile. “But I can keep you safe and keep my sister out of your hair. But first, I have one request. Could you perhaps keep doing what you're doing and on top of that, maybe make them more useful for, erm, personal use?” Luna put on a small smile. 47 could tell it was a show, but it was more than enough to fool anypony else.
Vinyl smiled back. “Does my dishwasher clean with wubs?”
Luna stood there silently, awaiting an answer to this most... curious of questions.
“That’s a yes.” Vinyl chuckled, as the dishwasher in the next room opened with a loud ding. Listening closely, you could hear several wubs escape the machine as it opened, before it shut off entirely.
“Oh, from the looks of this place I thought thou did not possess a dishwasher.” Luna laughed. Vinyl and Luna both sat there and laughed for a few moments as 47 stared at the pair, utter silence surrounding him.
Vinyl looked up at Luna “But I’m gonna need some help with this.” She cast a glance at 47.
Luna smiled. “I will give you my best soldier.” She waved her hoof around dramatically for few moments before pushing 47 forward a few inches. “But I expect no funny business out of you this time.” she chuckled, the sight of 47 in a maid outfit still standing right next to her.
“You got it, boss.” Vinyl said, waving her hoof in an attempt to assure the princes, before bellowing at 47. “Give me hand with this!” as he trotted over, she adjusted her shades. “On second thought, get out of the dress. You can keep the lace, though.”
“It appears my work is done here.” Luna said, teleporting out of the room with a flash of light.
47 returned to the bathroom, most of the maid outfit already discarded.
Once he was out, Vinyl smiled at him. “Alright! Now, I’ve got enough plans to keep us busy for months!”

<><><><><><><><><><><>

“You see that bottle way out there.” Vinyl pointed “Take our freshly designed wub-rifle and hit it.” She handed him the rifle in question. The rifle was jet black with several glowing blue parts on it. The barrel was long and narrow, perfect for long range shooting. The butt of the rifle was also painted black. A scope rested on top, several rings around it glowing a bright, neon blue. Several tubes were attached to different parts of the rifle, attaching to other parts at the opposite end. Kind of like that plasma rifle from fallout three, but this isn’t a crossover so we can’t use that. Everything other than the tubes is different, though (see above.) Also, this isn’t what’s going through any of the character’s heads, because buck them, that’s why.
47 squinted, barely making out the bottle in question. “How the buck am I supposed to aim at something I can barely see!”
“Well, gee. I guess that means that you--that’s what the bucking scope is for, genius! This baby can hit things up to 3 miles away with pinpoint accuracy. Boasts enough firepower to explode a ponies’ heart if I calibrated it right, too. If not, oh well. Lets just see if she can handle the current target.” Vinyl grinned in excitement, bouncing slightly on her hooves.
47 held up the rifle. Looking down the scope, he took deep breath and squeezed the trigger. A large kick knocked his shoulder back hard enough to bruise while a loud WUB echoed through the area. The bottle shattered into a small cloud of glittering glass shards, each one so small it could float on the air as if it were dust.
“Well, it certainly isn't discreet.” 47 said in awe, blinking to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him.
“Well, of course it isn't!” Vinyl beamed, hoof-pumping. “Shock and awe baby! Also, this is just the first model. Wait till you see what I have in store for later!”
With Luna’s protection, production of these new weapons began immediately. This continued for several months. In this incredibly conveniently placed timelapse (because we don’t want to illustrate constructing these things. The chapter’s long enough as it is), the pair filled several boxes of new and pristine wub-rifles, as well as some experimental technology that needed to be tested. Unfortunately, their work was about to be halted. 47 was hearing an all too familiar voice inside his head, talking to him for the first time in months.
“I spared you all the time I could.” Nightmare Moon whispered. “Royal agents loyal to my sister have been dispatched to dispose of you and to get their hooves on your weapons. You're not going to let this happen. Board the next train and take the armaments out of town. If they find you, you will die.”
47 informed vinyl of the news. Together, they rushed to move the boxes onto a cart outside. After an hour, they finally got all of it loaded on to the cart and proceeded to the train station. The driver had to be paid off with a few bits, but he let them store the cart on the train. Together, they sat by the goods. As the train was about to leave, they heard screams coming from train cars further ahead.
“Uh, what do you think’s going on.” Vinyl asked, pacing nervously.
“I think they found us.” Just as the words left 47’s mouth 5 ponies rushed through the door. They were civilians, all of whom were clearly worried to death.
47 tilted his head at vinyl. She kicked one of the boxes open and threw him a wub-rifle .
“Lets make sure we don't lose my babies.” she smiled.

“Tell them not to worry.” 47 said, smiling back. “Daddy’s home.”
Four colts in the group spoke turned to them as one stepped forward. “You have weapons! Please, let us fight with you. We lost family back there.”
47 smiled back at them. “Grab one, then! The more ponies we have on board, the sooner this can be over!”
After the group armed themselves, they lined up and pointed the guns at the door. Also, Vinyl had to show them where the trigger was at. Guns were kind of a new thing, you see.
“Now, wait for the doors to open and just unload the whole damn thing” 47 whispered to the others.
They sat there in silence for a few moments.
Then the door swung open....

Comments

[FoughtDragon01]

Howdy, there! WRITE's FoughtDragon01 is here to give you a helping hand with this story of yours. Let's not waste any time and dive right in.

The Front Page:
Since this is undoubtedly going to be the first thing your readers will see, it's incredibly important to have a front page that excels at capturing their attention, otherwise, what reason will they have to read it? The cover art seems to check out just fine, but that's not what I'm really concerned about here. No, I'm looking at the description. While it's not the worst I've seen, it could still be better. Put simply, it's just boring, and I don't think I need to explain why that's a bad thing. Let me take a moment to explain.

First off, I hope that you're not just calling him 47 just so you could make a Hitman reference. As someone who hasn't read the story yet, that's how it comes across to me. Secondly, even after reading the description, I barely have a clue what this story is even supposed to be about.

So, this pony, a news reporter, leads a revolution with Nightmare Moon (I’d spend half of the review questioning how that’s even possible, but I think this has something do with a universe I know nothing about), because… why? What exactly is his motivation for this? Is it for revenge, or just shits and giggles? You say that things went bad for him, but bad how? Did he get laid off? Was an interview interrupted by an assassination attempt? What exactly was ‘bad’ about what happened? I’m not saying to give me the entire story, but you have to clue me in, a reader who is unfamiliar with your work, somehow.

Also, emoticons. Big no-no. That’s the sort of thing that will have people reaching for the thumbs down button before they even read the first chapter. If you don’t want that to happen, then get rid of the emoticon.

Now, that’s enough with the front page. Let’s move on to the story.

Punctuation & Grammar:
Before I get started, I just want to say how I appreciate your honesty in saying how this story would’ve been unreadable if you didn’t get help. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t get more help. Just looking at the first few lines of the first chapter, I see punctuation errors, grammar errors, and several tense changes. If you only had one editor help you, I’d advise you get more. After all, the more eyes you have look at your work, the more mistakes you’ll find. With that said, let’s focus on fixing what needs to be fixed, starting with the big one: tense changes.

Now, the very first paragraph is in the present tense (she goes, he says, etc.). Since I and other readers are generally used to the past tense (she went, he said, etc.), it was a bit jarring, but I let it slide. Then I see it shift back and forth between past and present tense. Take this littlie snippet for example.

"Honey?" said (past tense) gentle voice "Honey, you’ve got to wake up or you're gonna be late."
"I'm awake darling." 47's eyes quickly snap (present tense) open and looks (present tense) at his wife. "Maria, you look so beautiful this morning." he smiles (present tense) looking her up and down, admiring her deep blue eyes and the curves of her body.
"Oh, you're so silly! I haven't even had time to get ready yet!" she giggled (past tense) then out of nowhere, a small figure jumped (past tense) in the bed.

Do you see the issue? You switched between the past and present tense frequently in this little exchange alone. That would be enough to make any reader stop reading right then and there, myself included. It's not only jarring, but it also hints that the author didn't care enough to even bother reading over his own work, so why should we care enough to read it? From what I've seen after skimming through the rest of this chapter, you primarily stick to the past tense, so do that. Stick to the past tense. Re-read over everything you've written and make sure it's all in the past-tense. Your story is bound to flow much more smoothly if you do.

Onto the punctuation. Now, not exactly being an English teacher, I can't necessarily explain in great detail why you need commas where you do, but just know that you do need them, but don't have them. Let's look at that snippet from above (this time, with it in the past tense).

"Honey?" said a (missing word) gentle voice "Honey, you’ve got to wake up or you're gonna be late."
"I'm awake, (comma here) darling." 47's eyes quickly snapped open and looked at his wife. "Maria, you look so beautiful this morning." He (capitalization error smile , (comma here) looking her up and down, admiring her deep blue eyes and the curves of her body.
"Oh, you're so silly! I haven't even had time to get ready yet!" she giggled[color=red. (period here)] Then out of nowhere, a small figure jumped in the bed.

I find that the easiest way to figure out when and where to put commas is to read what you have out loud to yourself. If it sounds like you have to pause at a certain point, you most likely need a comma at that point. It also helps you to spot any awkward phrasings or sentence structures. Trust me, it does you wonders. You already had the help of one editor, so why not get another? After all, you can never have too much help.

The Story:
Now, I'm at a bit of a disadvantage here. After all, I get the feeling that this takes place within the canon of a universe I'm unfamiliar with, so I can't exactly call you out on any canon inconsistencies, such as Celestia killing POWs left and right. However, I can tell you this much: your pacing is faster than Sonic on crack.

Within the first chapter, we go from 47 waking up to his kind family, to him going to work, to him getting knocked out and dragged away to Celestia's dungeon where he and his family face execution. All in less than a thousand words, mind you. I probably don't have to explain why I'm having a bit of difficulty following the plot, but I'm going to anyway.

To begin with, you spend almost no time whatsoever establishing 47's character. Yes, I know he's a news reporter. Yes, I know he's the loving father/husband of a loving family. But do I know much else besides that? Not really. What are his likes? What are his dislikes? Does he have any hobbies outside of work and home? Hell, does he even like his job. That's be interesting, don't ya think? Having a cutie mark that represents something you hate? But now I'm just getting side tracked.

Because you spent no time establishing his character, I have no time to relate to him, and as a result, I simply don't care about what happens to him. This is a writing no-no. If I don't care for the character, if I don't feel engrossed in the conflicts he's facing, if I'm not interested, then what reason do I have to keep reading?

And before you go off to fix this, no, I don't mean explain his entire character to me through a huge info dump at the start of the first chapter. That'd actually be worse. Instead, before all of the crap hits the fan, take your time. Have a few peaceful scenes of him with his family, not just one. Take the time to have a few scenes that establish his likes and dislikes. Does he like to drink? Then have a scene of him having a good old time at the local bar. Is he more of a musician in his spare time? Have a scene of him teaching his kid how to play the violin, trombone, or the tuba, or something. These scenes may not sound very important, but they are. They establish things. They allow me to relate to the character, and maybe even grow attached to him. That way, when something bad does finally happen to him, I'll actually care. As it is now, I don't care, and as I've already said, that's a problem that you need to fix.

If you need something for reference, you've literally got thousands of fantastic stories to choose from on the site alone. Read them. Note what the authors do and don't do in order to make their stories great. Hell, get a co-writer if you think that'll help you, just don't call it quits just because your start was rough, because guess what? It's rough for everybody.

Goodbye, and best of luck to you.

~FoughtDragon01– WRITE's Pet Grammar Nazi

[Chaos Eclipsed]

2167681 tl;dr Kidding, I read it.

Firstly, I wasn't jarred by the tense changes too badly, but I was focused on punctuation, spelling, capitalization and general understandability when I helped him edit it.

Second, this guy straight does not care about likes or dislikes. he will post whatever the he wants, regardless of consequences. Check his real life for an example of this. I know the guy. I'm friends with him. He is a brony, a bisexual, an open satanist , for a brief time he was a furry artist and he is, to this day, a known not-giver-of-s. That emoticon is debatable as to whether it stays or goes. Very few -- if any -- s will be given by the author either way.

Thirdly, he totally did 47 just to reference hitman. Other than the name, though, there's no connection. Besides, he's told me that he's horrible with original names.

However, 2129109, your pacing is shite. Yeah. Not shit, shite. I read that mess. I know, because this makes me feel better about my story. Thanks, by the way. ...And you changed the barley into barely. *nods* You're learning.

Back to FoughtDragon01, there is no canon. There is no fanon. There's not even head-canon involved in this. This is being made up as he goes. The time, the setting, how everyone/pony is behaving, everything. Expect nothing, because the unexpected is this story. No matter what you try to expect, you will not expect this story. That complaint about the front page? That's all he knows about this thing, so how can we get anything else?

Lastly, that is an awesome avatar.

[Unholy_rarity]

Don't mind me i'm just running around like sonic on crack

and thanks man i guess i have no clue how to feel about comment but chapter 3 is ready and the usual fucks i had to give were thrown out of the window and they were lost forever maybe my might do something with chapter 4 fucks that's is constructive but why start now besides giving fuck makes me sick sometimes okay most of the time well that's it for me DO A BARREL ROLL!! *Preforms barrel roll* whoa man that was close! by the was i dropped some eridum and it hit lone wander in the head and a dog ate his corpse and dragon born rode that dog across civil war battle grounds and then got shot in the head by master chief and the master chief was stabbed by ezio who was stabbed by Morgan freeman who was befriended by Gordon freeman and then they fell through orange portal into water temple that Morgan freeman (god) solved in ten seconds flat and then they both went and banged Zelda Link cried end of story. (no grammar i know once again i threw the fucks out the window )

with lots of love and tolerance your friendly Brony Satanist

[Chaos Eclipsed]

2181079 Do I need to start editing your comments, too? This. Is. Shameful.

Everyone, this is what I, as his editor, have to deal with. Imagine this story, written with that grammar. Yeah. And I'm doing this because I'm friends with this guy, WHO STILL HASN'T BROUGHT ME EDITOR COOKIES! I didn't even ask for the cookies; those were his idea.

Also, I managed to understand every word of that minor short story in that comment, so let's do this shit. *Cracks neck and knuckles*

I dropped some eridium and it hit the Lone Wanderer on the head. It killed him, then a dog ate his corpse and the Dragonborn (Dohvakiin) rode that dog across a few civil war battlegrounds. They then got shot in the head by Master Chief right before Master Chief was stabbed by Ezio who was then stabbed by Morgan freeman (stabception). Morgan Freeman was befriended by Gordon freeman and then they fell through an orange portal and out of a blue potal into the water temple. Morgan freeman (god, if that wasn't obvious) solved the temple's puzzles in ten seconds flat. With that done, they both went and banged Zelda. Link cried. The end.

(In order: Borderlands 2, Fallout 3, Skyrim, Halo, Assassin's creed, Half-life, Portal, Legend of Zelda.
Plus: Morgan Freeman, an mlp reference, civil war battlegrounds and a dog that likes to eat human corpses.
Added by me: a meme, grammar and a lack of sanity. Oh wait, that was already there.)

*Disclaimer for ALL of the above.*

The shit I have to put up with...