Caped Conundrum
Joined 8th Nov, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Thatpony454 · 2.3k words · 41 10 · 897 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.326 seconds
Total duration
923 users online
2,725,689 hits today, 2,623,277 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
sad
and probably true of canterlot. i'd hate them too if i was living like that
. stuck up rich snobs make me angry
He was lucky not to end up in the statue garden. Many might dislike this fic but not me.
2109049 Well, to be fair, you're technically the protagonist of the story; you probably do hate them, although that's if you really wanted to get invested into this thing.
2110673 Well, that's a bit more tyrannical than I think Celestia would act; not to mention the fact that it would make for a rather boring story, being stuck in a garden for eternity hardly makes for an entertaining read.
As for those who disliked this, perhaps they could post a comment? I certainly won't take offense, and it's a shame that those who do simply don't take the time to allow me to improve. Is it because there's no clop? Is it due to the pairing? The writing style? Did it need a sad tag? It's a shame that I don't know what isn't up to par with certain standards, and thus how to committing the same errors in the future, especially if I don't receive any kind of negative critique from someone who dislikes this.
2113328 maybe a dark tag or a sad tag yea
2113392 Well, I just feel a tad strange adding a Dark tag; according to the FAQ, it's something that, to my understanding, revolves around a theme of death, war, violence... While we may see that through the character's eyes, I wouldn't classify it as an overly Dark tale based on that definition, but I could be wrong; I'm sure that if this were to have been written from the perspective of a member of the Canterlot Elite, you wouldn't get the same vibe from the story.
Sad, as the FAQ said, was a tad confusing; while it does certainly evoke some sadness, it's not something that's supposed to be purely because it's sad. What I want to do with this story, and any future ones if I ever finish this, is to provide a realistic and unique character design. I want to make the reader feel emotions that the character is, since they're essentially reading through his eyes, which may be sad at this point, but the original intent isn't supposed to evoke sadness. It's supposed to make the story feel realistic, although at this point I'm really just justifying my lack of foresight, I suppose... I assumed that a Sad story would deal with the theme of a character's depression or suicidal thoughts, which while present, are not there to make the story sad for the sake of it being sad, but for a realistic character design.
I suppose I'll just have to go with your word, or perhaps ask an admin or someone else to confirm it; I'd hate to tag this incorrectly. I'd rather give it to an audience that could enjoy it, rather than one who would shy away from it due to the subject matter.
Why does he deserve anything? What has he done? Where is the redeaming quality?
2116730 Does anyone deserve anything? Currently, with what's in the story, we don't know his past too much; for all we know, he could have done nothing wrong in his life, but still ended up on the bottom. If someone never gets a chance to make something of themselves, does that mean they deserve nothing? Let me put it this way; say that someone in real life lives their whole life on the street, and never receive an opportunity to enjoy life or make something out of themselves. Are they entitled to nothing, or are they entitled to a few minute things, such as a home, food, pleasure, ect?
Remember, you're reading this through the eyes of someone else; assuming that they don't see things the way you do, it means there's a certain amount of yourself that to the need to immerse in order to get an accurate representation of what happens. Sure, you might think he doesn't deserve anything, but he, and thus you in the story, certainly thinks that he does.
Unfirtuenetly, by not seeing things the way I do makes them an idiot.
The Story does have promise, I'm just being cranky I guess.
2117935 Well, I suppose if you wanted to pull a 'too long, didn't read', that's all on you. I can't stop you from doing that. What's there to keep you reading? Well, if you enjoyed the writing, that would be a reason; if you wanted to see how things turn out, that's another reason.
I suppose there's no real shocker or hook that makes the reader want to bite; I'll admit that. Sure, catching someone like they were a fish with a cleverly sharpened hook would be nice, but I'd rather take them on an emotional ride with each story. Perhaps I posted this too early, perhaps it doesn't have that normal 'shocker' at the end of a chapter that makes you long for the next, but that isn't the goal I'd like my stories to have; I'd rather have the reader immerse themselves in an atmosphere and character, and make them want to read not because they've been denied information a specific piece of information at the end of a chapter, but because they want to see how everything pans out at the end.
I suppose it's my first story, so perhaps I've got the intention of readers all wrong; I really do appreciate the compliment, but if someone pulls a 'too long, didn't read', I honestly don't think they'd enjoy reading this story at all. Considering how I'd like to have a fair bit of chapters, assuming my talent and effort allows me to, preferably ten or so at roughly the same amount of words as this one, I doubt someone who wants a quick, short story would go through the effort of reading it. I certainly do appreciate your honesty.
2118024don't get the wrong idea for a second.
Too long did'nt read is a bit like a fish saying, oh its too wet today.
Everyone here is an avid reader.
But you need tho through some sugar in that coffee. Especally when its as strong as you brewed it here. Otherwise it will just be passed over, in fAvor of anouther cup.
2118380 And exactly what would this sugar be? Some information that we don't know, which would entice the reader to continue, or want them coming back? In that case, I could argue that a rather large challenge has been issued to Celestia, in terms of personal pride to both the protagonist and herself, which could be viewed as a sort of 'hook'. I don't drink coffee, but if I need to entice the reader to come back because the story isn't split up into segments that leave a cliffhanger, well, my story certainly won't appeal to them, it seems.
Perhaps we should stay out of analogies; I'm not sure if you're accurately getting your point across, or perhaps I'm simply confused by your ideas, but in any case, hopefully I'm properly understanding.
2118412
Celestia is rarley compelling, But then again i always prefer character. So mabey its a taste thing.
This is good. Really good. i felt like quite the criminal myself when reading this. its well written, inmersive, and has a good premise. i want to see what's going to happen. come on, 'tavia, don't dissapoint me.
not a bad story
i can read this
I very much enjoyed the story. I loved how the second person view and descriptions helped me "feel" the main character and understand his plight.
I'm really looking forward to the next chapter!
Interesting story! I saw your post on ponynights and decided to look at your story!
There is one thing I would recommend though. Each chapter is a massive wall of text, which made it pretty hard to read. I highly recommend that you hit the enter key after every paragraph.
2757374 Thanks a lot for the feedback; that's exactly what I was going for, something that allows one to immerse themselves in the story as much as possible, rather than just see the story through someone else's eyes. I'm glad the effort for it is paying off.
2805562 I'm fairly sure that there are two ways to properly construct stories and essays; one of which is simply leaving a gap, an enter, after each paragraph and separating them, while the other is indenting them without a space. I prefer the latter, since it condenses the story, but still gives you paragraphs while reserving the use of gaps for changes in time or scene. I personally prefer it, and while I can understand viewing it as a wall of text, it's a much more valid way to write, in my opinion, due to the increased amount of space saved.
That being said, I do thank you for reading, and I appreciate the comment; if it's that much of an issue for many people, even if it's against my personal opinion, I would change it. You're the first to bring this to my attention, however, so hopefully it's not a big issue, but if it is, I'm not completely against changing it.
i have to be honest
i really enjoy reading this
i wish u would update more though :)
Wow showdown in the dreamscape, got me hanging on here.