I very much enjoyed the story. I loved how the second person view and descriptions helped me "feel" the main character and understand his plight.

I'm really looking forward to the next chapter!

Interesting story! I saw your post on ponynights and decided to look at your story!

There is one thing I would recommend though. Each chapter is a massive wall of text, which made it pretty hard to read. I highly recommend that you hit the enter key after every paragraph.

2757374 Thanks a lot for the feedback; that's exactly what I was going for, something that allows one to immerse themselves in the story as much as possible, rather than just see the story through someone else's eyes. I'm glad the effort for it is paying off.

2805562 I'm fairly sure that there are two ways to properly construct stories and essays; one of which is simply leaving a gap, an enter, after each paragraph and separating them, while the other is indenting them without a space. I prefer the latter, since it condenses the story, but still gives you paragraphs while reserving the use of gaps for changes in time or scene. I personally prefer it, and while I can understand viewing it as a wall of text, it's a much more valid way to write, in my opinion, due to the increased amount of space saved.

That being said, I do thank you for reading, and I appreciate the comment; if it's that much of an issue for many people, even if it's against my personal opinion, I would change it. You're the first to bring this to my attention, however, so hopefully it's not a big issue, but if it is, I'm not completely against changing it.