Feather's Story (the story of two worlds)

by wolves

Hope

As I approtched the town I saw a confusing pink blur racing around. It went from pony to pony. Maybe it was a giant ball of cotton candy the where throwing around? Suddenly it barelled strait towards me as it got closer I could tell it was a pony that somehow could spin at the speed of light. As it twirled towards me I sidesteped just in time to avoid being hit. I heard a sickening crash as whoever it was hit the building behind me.As I turned and saw a pony with stars dancing the tango with birds while twirling around her head I wasn't sure if I should ask how she did that or go help. She answered my question my question by jumping and smiling. What happened next was shocking and annoying. Warning it was very very very annoying. I owe my sanity to a filly that jumped in and saved me from what I later learned is called extreme Pinkyness.
"HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!How you doing?My name is Pinkaminea Diane Pie but you can call me Pinke or Pinkie Pie or Miss Pie but thats not the point the point is that you have to be new in town beacuase I know EVERYPONY and when I say every pony I mean everypony and when I say know everypony I mean I am friends with everypony and I love meeting new ponies becuase it means new friends and it means I get to throw a party and I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so happ to meet you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Suddenly a orange blur barreled towards me. Oh no another what was her name. Pammy Pan or something. Not that I dont care but when somepony speaks that fast you can't understand them. The orange pony stopped and turns out she was a orange pegases and not crazy. The not crazy was a relif.
"Hi Pinkie Pie" the orange pony spoke up. Pinkie Pie that was the mares name. "Don't you wanna go plan her party" The pink mare gave a cunfused look before screaming
"OK!!!!!!!!!!!!" and bouncing. I hoofed myself in the face and turned to the orange pony. She had a magenta mane and a scooter with a pair of wngs.
"Sorry about Pinkie she is a little odd."
"More than a little."
"Oh I am sorry I forgot to ask your name. What was it?"
"Feather."
"Well how about a tour of Pony-ville.By the way my name is Scootaloo." Then before I could say a word she took to the skies and said "Come on!!" I sighed and flew up with her. "So thats the school and thats the library and thats Sugar Cube Corner." I half listened to her half thought about how things where going back home. Was Mom okay? How where those annoying headaches she was having? Was she sick? How was Minka (my pet Mantacor)? "Well!???!!??!!"
"Oh um what?" I said turning to face Scootaloo while my face went red with embarasment.
"Where are you staying for the night?"
"Well I came to visit my family and I was gonna stay with them but I can't cuase I don't know where they are and it's to late to find them. So I'll probly stay in a hotel untill tommorow."
"Sorry to disapiont but Pony-ville doesn't have any hotels."
"Oh."
"But I bet I know your family who are they?"
"Orange Cream-Swirl and Dart."
"Ohh their out of town and wont be back till Saturday."
"What day is it?"
"Wednesday. But never fear I know somepony who will let you stay for the night." We landed at someplace with a sighn that said Carousel Botique. Scootaloo knocked on the door and a white pony with a curly pastel pink and purple mane and tail and a needle and pink thread cutie mark showed up.
"Scootaloo! What do you need?" she gasped her voice was sweet and smooth but with a hint of excitment. "Ohh who is this?
"This is Feather. She needs a place to stay for the night. Could she crash here?"
"So long as it's alright with Rarity."
"Sweeeetiee Bellle whom is it darling?" Some-pony walked in the room she was white with three diamonds for a cutie mark and a perfectly styled purple mane and tail.
"Hi Rarity this pony needs a place to stay and I figured it would be nice if she could stay here?"
"Of course! Sweetie Belle why don't your get ready for bed it's 10:30. Oh and Scootaloo aren't you having your sleepover at Rainbow Dashes this weekend. As for you Miss ______?"
"Umm Feather my names Feather."
"Feather the guest bedroom is right this way." And in this way she bossed ever-pony into going and doing what she wanted without telling them to do anything. I stared out the guest bedrooms. For some reason I felt deep down HOPE. HOPE I would find my family. HOPE peace would come between the changlings and Equestria. HOPE that I would make friends and everthing would be fine. And I went to sleep happy and filled with HOPE.

Comments

[Sabban]

There is a black alicorn on your avatar. It made my eye twitch. It's made in pony creator. Just like the cover pic for this story. This won't end well. I see chapters under 1000 words in length, which makes it even worse.
OK.

DETAILS. Use them. First "chapter" contains waaay too much dialog and no descriptions whatsoever. Your grammar is not as horrible as it could be, so I'll leave it for somebody else to bash.

DAT PLOT. Is generic. I mean, c'mon. She flies to Ponyville, where she meets main6 and Pinkie Pie throws her A PARTY! Yay.

DAT CHARACTER. Is... Well, actually, it isn't. I just don't feel like there is a main character in there for some reason. Nor do I feel like feeling for your nonexistent character. Also, half-changeling, daughter of Chrysalis? I smell a mary-sue. Not to mention that this whole thing is biologically impossible.

Take this thing down and rewrite it.

[wolves]

Ugh! This is NOT a mane 6 story. This is a story mainly involving the cutie mark crusaders. But you can't have the crusaders without ponyville and you cant have ponyville without the mane 6!

[Bookmaster]

OH GOD CHRIST THIS STORY IS REALLY FUCKING BAD. I THINK IM GONNA PUKE *pukes everywhere. myfacewhen.net/uploads/92-what-the-fuck-is-this-shit.jpg WHY WOULD YOU MAKE SUCH A MONSTROSITY.