• Member Since 9th Feb, 2015
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Trump-12


Not a changeling. Whatever gave you that idea?

T

After Chrysalis attacked Canterlot and revealed Changelings to the world, the other hives are angry. A single spark could set off this powder keg, and then anything could happen.

Meanwhile, Princess Mirage, daughter of Queen Imago and heir to the Everfree Hive, tries to figure out what to do about her best friends, as yet unaware that she is a changeling.

When the inevitable happens, and war breaks out, is Mirage ready to navigate the political minefield she finds herself in?

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 160 )

I wasn't sure at first but I am quite liking it a lot. Can't wait to see more

this is good.

i am enjoying this very much. please update soon!

Very nice. Looking forward to more.

This is quite good

why is it when i find a good story that i am relly interested in its only got a few chapters.

Good story btw.

Cyi

indeed it is a truly enjoyable story (clicks place next button should be) no button:twilightoops: noooooooooooooooooo
:twilightsmile: eagerly waits for more:pinkiehappy:

name suggestions: Mirror, Gossamer, and Mimicry.

also, for whatever hive has the red carapace, could that hive's princess possibly be one that self identifies as male and thus always takes on a male discuise while also wearing an eye patch over her right eye due to an unusual genetic mutation that makes her right eye look like a pony eye but with black whites, a red Iris and a white pupil? (main discuise: name is Krimson Shadow, teenage Pegasus stallion with dark grey fur and a dirty blonde mane in a buzz-cut.
true appearance: name can be ether Hybrid or Blend, left eye is the usual royal changeling eye but blue, right eye cannot be changed under any sircomstances, prefers to keep her mane in he same style as her discuise, same color as well.
extra: don't have an idea for her disguise's CM but she loves math, science (chemistry in particular (loud booms are common near her room :D )), and knives (she collects them).)
could you consider adding her?

if yes: thank you, BTW I'll probably Pm you some details of her personality as well.
if no: sorry for bothering you with the character submission.

6528724 Sorry, but I managed to complete the list yesterday. I plan to put it in the author's note for the next chapter once I finish writing the chapter itself. I'm having a little trouble getting what I want to say to be coherent.

6529239 OK, but would it be possible for you to use the character suggestion I made at some point?

It probably wouldn't fit into tone of this story, but I have a couple of ideas for future stories involving changelings where it might be possible to fit it in.

The character in question sounds like (s)he could work best as frequently appearing comic relief, or as the main character of a light-hearted story. I don't plan to put enough focus on the other hives in this story that it would work to introduce a character from one of them without a story based reason to do it. The princesses of the other hives (those which have them) will probably not play a big enough part appear in this story, and certainly not enough to play a regular comic role.

That said, it might work as a lighter side-story, focusing on Queen Mandible's hive, but I intend to get much further into the story before I even think of writing one of those.

Trickease? Mirrorer? Imagery? I'm not very good, am I? Don't even lie to me. I suck at names, don't I?

Celestia sat on her throne, thoroughly bored.

:scootangel: to the rescue!

Hey, don't beat yourself up about it! I thought it was great, and honestly, I've seen a lot worse. Yours is one of the better stories, I wouldn't have tracked this story otherwise.

6541868 Thanks. I felt a lot better about it after I had posted it, but when I read it on Google Docs (I'm currently writing this story on my phone), it just didn't seem to flow smoothly.

It seemed to work better in the font this site uses for some reason.

I generally like the concept of expanding changelings beyond that initial attack, that one hive, but this is a very clumsy beginning.

Let's take a look at your first five paragraphs and I'll show you what I mean.

Queen Imago of the Everfree hive was not pleased. The news her daughter had brought her was giving her a headache. She had heard the rumours that the largest badlands hive had a new queen, something that occasionally caused problems, but she could never have predicted something like this.

Queen who of where? You give enough over the chapter to piece together the blanks in this first paragraph, but this needs to be your hook, your lure to get people reading. Instead, this is a very vague setup. All we ever get for Imago is the name, no real description to work with.

To do something as stupid as attempting to conquer Equestria... The new queen had to be a complete imbecile. How did she expect to gather love from ponies who only felt fear?

You're already retconing the canon to make your story work. Putting Chrysalis into the position of making self-defeating decisions on the level of wiping out her own food supply means wiping out what little we already know about changelings. What are you going to replace it with?

And replacing ponies? Certainly, it could work for a little while, but it was impossible to learn everything about a target, and eventually a replacement would be caught out. Not to mention that it was a disgraceful thing to do in the first place, in her opinion.

And there goes everything else. Worse, you're soapboxing. Three paragraphs in and all the reader has is that you think lying is bad. If the paragraphs weren't so brutally short, I'd have stopped reading by now.

Besides, why steal what isn't yours, when ponies are so friendly to strangers? Platonic love might not have been quite as nourishing as romantic love, but it was still plenty to feed on, given a little effort.

Seriously, with a little reworking you could have this as dialog. I honestly couldn't care less about your headcanon for a hypothetical "good" changeling, I want to read about your characters actually doing things. The headcanon can come out on its own as you tell the story.

Not only had the idiot tried something that could never work in the long run, she had lost, and exposed the changelings as a whole... as enemies. Imago suspected that the other queens would be just as unhappy as she was, so the idiot would probably die soon, but that didn't solve the exposure issue.

And all the ranting about Chrysalis is probably pointless because you set Chrysalis up for an offscreen assassination. And now, after ranting about a character that you've implied won't even play a role in your story, you finally get to something that looks like a plot hook.

You should have started with the exposure issue. Give Imago some dialog, even if she's just screaming at her pet rock or favorite pillow or other inanimate object. Give us a solid setting to work with. Where are they, why haven't they been spotted by ponies or Zecora, who is this queen with her unexpected ethics? The more you feed those details now, the more likely your readers are to hit the next chapter button.

6555383 On one level, I see your points, or at least some of them. The initial section could have been done a bit better. I wasn't a very experienced writer when I started on this (and, to be honest, I'm still not). The first two thirds of this chapter, and also the first half of chapter four, were written several months before the rest of it.

On another level, I'm not sure I agree with a couple of others. While it is written in third person, the rant about Chrysalis is supposed to give some idea of Imago's train of thought, and therefore her personality, and is coloured by her current anger.

As for setting Chrysalis up for an offscreen assassination, again, it was a thought fuelled by anger. That's not exactly how things will turn out. She has a character tag for a reason.

6555569 I read seven chapters before I gave it up. You've got an interesting story but the characterization just isn't there. Everypony comes off bland and same-y. What really killed it for me, though, was how quickly Mirage was taken at her word by everyone that was exposed to the idea that a changeling existed which wasn't malicious, or at least amoral. People don't trust like that, especially when the individual asking for trust is a habitual liar. My suspension of disbelief fell apart the moment Celestia referred to changelings as "innocents."

Wait... Is this a Scootaling fic? How did this slip under my radar?!?

I hope to see a new chapter soon

6785737 I'm trying. At the moment I have about a third of the next chapter written. I have a few plot points I want to reach in the next few chapters, but transitioning between them is proving to be really quite awkward, especially working out how to fit them into a coherent timeline. I'm already having to start the next chapter at a time consistent with about halfway through this one, but then that leaves the problem that the Lyra/Bon Bon/Trance stuff I had planned for the next chapter can't take place for another couple of days.

In other words, the next chapter will be out as soon as I find a way to write myself out of the corner I've put myself in. Hopefully it shouldn't take too much longer.

T12

On the one side, Ol' Cheese Legs was apparently not ignorant of the existence of other Changeling Hives. On the other, her hive may very well about to die off due to starvation. When given the choice between "Die Quietly" and "Go Out In a Blaze of Glory", most sophonts will choose the second.

Author's Note:
I don't plan to have griffons play much of a part in this story, but since I have now mentioned them, if they do play a part, I will be disregarding canon as described in Lost Treasure of Griffonstone. For the purposes of this story, if we see the griffon empire it will still be proud and powerful.

I highly doubt Equestria is the only Pony nation on Equus. Why should the nearby failed City-State of Griffonstone be the only Gryphon nation?

6529239

"If a changeling with a dark blue one claims not to follow Chrysalis they're lying."

...what about a Changeling who claims to have originated from Chrysalis' Hive, but no longer follows her? I'm looking at you, unnamed friend of Cranky from Episode 100...

6786600
Do what you have to do for the good of the story. If that means that the Lyra/Bon Bon confrontation has to be put back a few chapters, so be it.

I'm loving this story...one of the few that doesn't portray all Changelings as evil...hope to see the next chapter soon.

I just added this to my orifice. It's like you were waiting for me...

Interesting way of using Blueblood.

Blueblood as spymaster. I've heard a lot worse. If we see him enough I'll add this fic to the "Give Blueblood some character" group.

6806954 It seemed unlikely to me that Celestia wouldn't have someone keeping an eye on those who might use their influence against her, and Blueblood had the right sort of observed personality. So I used it.

Very interesting. Do you have enough changeling hives? You can use my hive if you need to.

6807273 I worked out all of the hives I needed while working on the previous chapter (full list in author's note), and even worked out a mechanism to keep it at that number even if the queen dies without an heir while working on a failed version of this chapter. Thanks for the offer though.

6807307 Sure, your welcome.

:pinkiegasp:...
Most Changeling stories with Blueblood has him trying to exterminate them.
This is the second one I've seen that he doesn't.

6809447 What was the first?

6809997 Princess Celestia:The Changeling Queen by Vren55

I like this. Regardless of any mistakes (which I didn't notice), I love the idea of Scootaloo being a changeling. It explains SO much. Her lack of parents, her inability to fly when even a newborn pegasus can, and just where the heck she goes when she's not with the CMC or RD.

Lyra spent a few seconds absorbing what she’d learned, before looking up with a smirk. “Hey! Were you that complete flank with the terrible pick up lines?”
Bon Bon blushed a bright green and looked embarrassed. “Um… maybe?”

:rainbowlaugh:

Nice background for bonny.

Just read the story so far today! Have a like!:twilightsmile:

6810014
There's also this one, more or less.

This story feels off to me and I just figured out why. Mirage doesn't have any Scootaloo in her at all. I'm familiar with the concept of actors exagerating an aspect of themselves for a role and that the idea that Scootaloo's personality is also an exaggerated aspect of Mirage's. Except we never see any Scootalooish traits in Mirage at all. Ever. She comes across as a complete OC.

6818219 Sadly, it seems to be a problem with everything I try to write: some of the characterisation ends up a little off. Usually, it isn't disastrous, but I agree that in this situation there needs to be less of a disconnect.

The problem I have is that we never really see Mirage in situations similar to what Scootaloo faces in the show, which can make it hard to judge how someone with a similar base personality would act in such a situation. It's a problem I was definitely aware of, and am working to fix, but sometimes that's easier said than done.

This has been on my read later shelf for far too long. So I binge read the whole thing. It was absolutely wonderful. I loved the way you've dealt with the changelings. Have a Like/Track/Fav.

6806888
There's actually quite a few 2 off the top of my head are 'Change' which im curently tracking and 'Of the Hive' which has multiple sequals both excelent reads.:twilightsmile:

6873679

Thanks, I'll check them out. 'Changing Times' by Silent Quill is another really good story casting the Changelings and Chrysalis in a positive light, and actually showing them peacefully integrating with the ponies over time.

I love it when people use blueblood like this. It paints not only him but celestia as well in a better light.

6818996 i have a few suggestions if youve not thought of it yet. Take a chapter or scene and didicate it to 'scootaloo' doing something cmc related with the obvious chaos it brings. The visit to the hive would be good. Also have her ditch on duties or something. Just standard give the mother a hard time motif. Also probably work a scene where she hero worships dash.

I hope these give you some ideas :twilightsmile:

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CHANGELING HIVE EXPLORERS, YAY!

The have is not prepared for this....

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