Retribution is a rather rare breed of griffin, one which is only born every hundred-odd years, all of which become paladins. Following his family's tradition, he devotes himself to the Service of the Light, an order that has been dead for centuries, largely because of one of his previous lives. On his journey to reach true enlightenment and rebuild the Service, he will encounter those who would seek to harm the innocent, those who fight for causes similar to his, and those standing as either both or neither, and seek out old friends. Very old friends. Oh, and learn about friendship, that too.
"Chaos may rage
And empires fall,
But we endure,
We outlast all."
((This is my first story. If you have any feedback which may help the story sound better, be better, or look better, suggestions are welcome. I'll be honest, I'm not sure where this will go, other than it including adventure. Looking for cover art.))
N-no. No.
It's easy to tell that this if your first fic because your character is a super-special, one-of-a-kind snowflake that shares a name with its creator. You have a generic plot description that includes a long-dead organization and a catchy little ditty. Remember that stories on this site need to involve the MLP:FIM universe, and that a good story includes conflict both surrounding and within the protagonist. Best of luck.
has potential but...... your main character needs to have more depth, you need to go more slowly, you should make your character work for his power, and you need to have an obvious threat to the world. but good job anyway. btw you may want to look at the best fan fics to see how they did it.
2000995 Well, who would want to read a story about a normal person/pony? Also, my account was made after Retribution was, and as for the inclusion of the FiM universe, I'm using the Chess Game of the Gods map. The cliffy-foresty region is the former Griffin-Dominion. I plan on having Ret get possessed by a neutral demon, if there is such a thing, after he exorcises something.
2003149 Yeah, he is a bit shallow, but remember, this is just a first draft that I thought would be good to get out there so people would be able to suggest things, like slowing down even more and possibly adding some more backstory. I'm just trying to get the general happenings written down for now.
Retribution
thats good to know,