grim awakening

by Grim Darkshine

grim darkness the grim darkness crocodiles part 2 the return of the grim part 2

grim killed chryalis and she started dyin when he hit her wit a supur magickal bolt that he lurned from twilight “take that you queen” he yelled. twilight and rainbow dish jined and helped beat up chrysalis while yellin at her “why didf you take over cheerilee?” they asked whil punching her in the face and cheeks really hard “she was our friend and she loved grim! she was his only love why did you take that away from him!?!?!?!?”
chrysalis died when they kicked her
“its finally over” grim said, “now the prophecy is done”
“what prophecy” rarity asked
“when i was born” grim said “princess cleestia came to earth and said that i would one day save equestria from chryalis but i would have to find true love but there was something she also said” “wha” said rar “she said that I would have to die and that would mean i wouldt be living and i couln’t love ponies”
“but what bout me” asked twilight
“grim blushed “celestia laso said that if i found tru true love id wouldnt have to die”
the alicorn remembered back to that day he was walkin down the street trying to forguet that he got sent to the princapls offic for his pony shirt and thrwew a desk at the teacher and got expelled when he was walkin down the street and didnt know where he was goin
“hey look!” a girl said that he liked and he moved his eyes to see will smith beatboxin about ponies and that made him really excited and his mom got scared because of his bad grades and he moved over to rap with will smith
“hey mr. smith” grim said (grim wuz his real name b4 he was a pony) and will smith similed “hey grim” will smith said and htis made grim real exicted since he knew grim’s name “hey” grim aid “””can i rap with you?”

“Sure you can rap with me, home dog!” Will Smith announced as he took off his blue baseball cap, “IN HELL!

Will Smith’s neat, short-cut hair immediately exploded into a sickening morass of gooey, purple fibers that spread all around his body. It corrupted his skin and degraded his bones. Liquified pieces of skin dripped off his skeleton as he recited the lyrics to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air backwards in a long-forgotten language. His head spun 360 degrees and what used to be his face split in two to reveal a pony-like snout riddled with holes and semi-transparent skin. Two wings erupted from his back, sending what flesh hadn’t yet rotted off in a wide area around him.

Will Smith, now Queen Chrysalis, put the baseball cap back on and folded her front legs before she spoke a single word. “Rare.”

“ahhhhh!” grim shouted and chrysalis got on a bus and ran him over with it

grim felt like he was falling in a tunnel of nothingness (since he was dead) and fell out of a tunnel into a forest where he hit himself on the head and got knocked out. he was out for for a few years before he woke up

“ow...my head”

THE END

ATUHORS NOSE
Capitalism has created the highest standard of living ever known on earth. The evidence is incontrovertible. The contrast between West and East Berlin is the latest demonstration, like a laboratory experiment for all to see. Yet those who are loudest in proclaiming their desire to eliminate poverty are loudest in denouncing capitalism. Man’s well-being is not their goal. - Sonic Sez

Comments

[azednew]

Dat OC

[Yip]

This is the greatest piece of literature we—I mean, anyone—has ever produced.

[Distrance]

i20.photobucket.com/albums/b246/crazy_kites/gifs/29x6y2sjpg.gif

I thought these kind of fan-fictions didn't exist anymore!

[Stereo_Sub]

1985505
10/10 would have consensual intercourse in the missionary position with

[Yip]

1985506 We—I mean, the author—probably wanted to have some fun.

We—Er, Grim Darkshine—is probably trying to parody the site.

[Grim Darkshine]

6 downvote?

if you downvote my stori pls tell me why otherwise you're just being a jerk!

[The Rar]

1985554
I downvoted because you just wrote "Stori".

[DaemoN67]

Alicorn OC?
memecrunch.com/meme/19ZJ/you-must-be-new-here/image.png
Anyway, that's why it's getting disliked.

[Pokonic]

1985554 Well, it's horrible. You seemed to have made a checklist on how to not write a story, and wrote one using everything on it.

[canonkiller]

Okay, I haven't even read it, and here's my summary from the description and the picture.
The OC:

An Alicorn with artificial wings and a broken horn - so basically, an Earth Pony - with two extra horns, a neon black-and-green spiky mane, a dull scarlet pelt with saturated blue stripes, a broken heart Cutie Mark and golden, spiky bracelets that don't even exist in the show, let alone on a common pony. And on top of that, he's a male with a female face base and has demonic red eyes. Not really unique or original, just some muddled shitwad of colors and buttons on Pony Creator, named Grim Darkshine. Pony names don't even work like that.

The description:

grim darkshine is a strong alicorn with lots of power but has to save equestria from crysalis again. with the help of twilight sparkle, who wants to help him because she is nice and wants too help to. can they win?
my first story, please give me feedback and helpful critisism: pls like, fave and follow

First off, grammar and spelling check. Nobody likes a badly edited story. That would turn it into this;
Grim Darkshine is a strong Alicorn with lots of power but has to save Equestria from Chrysalis again. With the help of Twilight Sparkle, who wants to help him because she is nice and wants too help to. Can they win?
My first story, please give me feedback and helpful criticism. Please like, fave and follow.

Second, throw out repeated statements like 'she is nice and wants to help too.' This is Twilight Sparkle, anyone who watches the show knows her, and why on earth would she not help? Also, take out the 'pls like, fave and follow'. If they like the story, they'll fave it. You don't have to tell them to. There's no reason to mark it as your first, I'm sure the quality already tipped them off. A general refining would turn it into this;
Grim Darkshine is a strong Alicorn with lots of power, who has to save Equestria from Chrysalis again, with the help of Twilight Sparkle. Can they win?

And to be honest, nobody wants to read a story about a shitwad overpowered Alicorn who's probably going to make out with Twilight Sparkle and is going to save the world no matter what. I give this story a 0/10, without even having to read it. Try harder.

[Mr Pones]

0-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/a/image/1340/75/1340754795003.gif
i clabbd 4 jezis :-DDD :--DDDDDD

upboad if u tru merigan 

[FicusCat]

Obvious trollfic.

If not, then you got a problem.

[Blarghalt]

1985702

This is a collab trollfic.

[canonkiller]

1985791

Thank god.

[Yip]

1985617>>1985595>>1985621>>1985702

I'm surprised this worked. This was a collab trollfic between me, Stereo_Sub and Bok (Bok was the real genius behind some of the words).

[DaemoN67]

1985837

[canonkiller]

1985837

The sad thing is, I've seen normal fics that were worse.

[Yip]

1985855 That was the main reason why we made this in the first place

[canonkiller]

1985859

I was actually believing it... until I read the first chapter and the writing quality changed drastically during Trixie's transformation. If you had smoothed that out a bit, I would have fallen for it.

Unfortunately I critiqued before I read it. Oops.

[Yip]

1985864 That little bit was supposed to make it seem like a trollfic. Our goal wasn't to make the author look stupid, it was to confuse the readers who actually read it all

[The Rar]

1985837
I actually have seen worse fics that were completely serious.
If your aim was to confuse, then I'll happily say I was confused as fuck by this.
Well done I suppose?

[canonkiller]

1985873
I was confused. Success on that front.

1985962
FIMfiction needs quality control.

[Yip]

1985962>>1985970 Yeah, this was more of a testament to that aspect of FiMFiction.

[Patient X]

A DAMN good trollfic, if I do say so myself!

A from me to you, authors!

[xDan]

too obvious
-10/10
apply yourself you tr0llz

[Grim Darkshine]

1986115
oh shit its the fun police

quick everyone run

no fun allowed

[xDan]

1986758
if I may:
alias +attacksay "+attack;say "NO FUN ALLOWED" "
alias -attacksay "-attack;say "NO FUN ALLOWED" "
bind "mouse1" "+attacksay"

[guy12389]

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

[lines n stuff]

i know it was a trollfic and all, but if this was a human i'd totally do it.

followin'

[Daxn]

I wonder how this pile of trash passed moderation..

[Wildebeest]

“Sure you can rap with me, home dog!” Will Smith announced as he took off his blue baseball cap, “IN HELL!
Will Smith’s neat, short-cut hair immediately exploded into a sickening morass of gooey, purple fibers that spread all around his body. It corrupted his skin and degraded his bones. Liquified pieces of skin dripped off his skeleton as he recited the lyrics to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air backwards in a long-forgotten language. His head spun 360 degrees and what used to be his face split in two to reveal a pony-like snout riddled with holes and semi-transparent skin. Two wings erupted from his back, sending what flesh hadn’t yet rotted off in a wide area around him.

I. AM. FRIGGIN. DYING.

[Yip]

1996638 That was Bok's part. Suffice to say, he was the tour de force in this little shot collab. He seems to have a knack for such things... if that's a skill someone wants to have.