grim darkshine is a strong alicorn with lots of power but has to save equestria from crysalis again. with the help of twilight sparkle, who wants to help him because she is nice and wants too help to. can they win?
my first story, please give me feedback and helpful critisism: pls like, fave and follow.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I blame alphacat.
the prose is a teensy bit purple here
Dat OC
This is the greatest piece of literature we—I mean, anyone—has ever produced.
i20.photobucket.com/albums/b246/crazy_kites/gifs/29x6y2sjpg.gif
I thought these kind of fan-fictions didn't exist anymore!
1985505
10/10 would have consensual intercourse in the missionary position with
1985506 We—I mean, the author—probably wanted to have some fun.
We—Er, Grim Darkshine—is probably trying to parody the site.
6 downvote?
if you downvote my stori pls tell me why otherwise you're just being a jerk!
1985554
I downvoted because you just wrote "Stori".
Alicorn OC?
memecrunch.com/meme/19ZJ/you-must-be-new-here/image.png
Anyway, that's why it's getting disliked.
1985554 Well, it's horrible. You seemed to have made a checklist on how to not write a story, and wrote one using everything on it.
Okay, I haven't even read it, and here's my summary from the description and the picture.
The OC:
An Alicorn with artificial wings and a broken horn - so basically, an Earth Pony - with two extra horns, a neon black-and-green spiky mane, a dull scarlet pelt with saturated blue stripes, a broken heart Cutie Mark and golden, spiky bracelets that don't even exist in the show, let alone on a common pony. And on top of that, he's a male with a female face base and has demonic red eyes. Not really unique or original, just some muddled shitwad of colors and buttons on Pony Creator, named Grim Darkshine. Pony names don't even work like that.
The description:
First off, grammar and spelling check. Nobody likes a badly edited story. That would turn it into this;
Grim Darkshine is a strong Alicorn with lots of power but has to save Equestria from Chrysalis again. With the help of Twilight Sparkle, who wants to help him because she is nice and wants too help to. Can they win?
My first story, please give me feedback and helpful criticism. Please like, fave and follow.
Second, throw out repeated statements like 'she is nice and wants to help too.' This is Twilight Sparkle, anyone who watches the show knows her, and why on earth would she not help? Also, take out the 'pls like, fave and follow'. If they like the story, they'll fave it. You don't have to tell them to. There's no reason to mark it as your first, I'm sure the quality already tipped them off. A general refining would turn it into this;
Grim Darkshine is a strong Alicorn with lots of power, who has to save Equestria from Chrysalis again, with the help of Twilight Sparkle. Can they win?
And to be honest, nobody wants to read a story about a shitwad overpowered Alicorn who's probably going to make out with Twilight Sparkle and is going to save the world no matter what. I give this story a 0/10, without even having to read it. Try harder.
0-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/a/image/1340/75/1340754795003.gif
i clabbd 4 jezis :-DDD :--DDDDDD
upboad if u tru merigan
Obvious trollfic.
If not, then you got a problem.
1985702
This is a collab trollfic.
1985791
Thank god.
1985617>>1985595>>1985621>>1985702
I'm surprised this worked. This was a collab trollfic between me, Stereo_Sub and Bok (Bok was the real genius behind some of the words).
1985837
1985837
The sad thing is, I've seen normal fics that were worse.
1985855 That was the main reason why we made this in the first place
1985859
I was actually believing it... until I read the first chapter and the writing quality changed drastically during Trixie's transformation. If you had smoothed that out a bit, I would have fallen for it.
Unfortunately I critiqued before I read it. Oops.
1985864 That little bit was supposed to make it seem like a trollfic. Our goal wasn't to make the author look stupid, it was to confuse the readers who actually read it all
1985837
I actually have seen worse fics that were completely serious.
If your aim was to confuse, then I'll happily say I was confused as fuck by this.
Well done I suppose?
1985873
I was confused. Success on that front.
1985962
FIMfiction needs quality control.
1985962>>1985970 Yeah, this was more of a testament to that aspect of FiMFiction.
A DAMN good trollfic, if I do say so myself!
A
from me to you, authors! 
too obvious
-10/10
apply yourself you tr0llz
1986115
oh shit its the fun police
quick everyone run
no fun allowed
1986758
if I may:
alias +attacksay "+attack;say "NO FUN ALLOWED" "
alias -attacksay "-attack;say "NO FUN ALLOWED" "
bind "mouse1" "+attacksay"
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
i know it was a trollfic and all, but if this was a human i'd totally do it.
followin'
I wonder how this pile of trash passed moderation..
I. AM. FRIGGIN. DYING.
1996638 That was Bok's part. Suffice to say, he was the tour de force in this little shot collab. He seems to have a knack for such things... if that's a skill someone wants to have.
No offense, but perfect grammar is good in a story, but I still like it