Finding the Element of Honesty
The Golden Oaks Library was not always a library. It used to be the Golden Oaks Bookstore, run by a pair of book-loving Earth ponies named Dewey DeSeemal and B. Blio File. The two of them worked as the town's librarians until their retirement.
As Twilight soon found out, Miss File did not live up to her last name.
"Who was in charge of this library?" Twilight wondered, after finding adult romance novels in the section for fillies' books. "I'm going to have to re-sort and organize everything!"
Twilight's effort to sort all the books in the library lasted for exactly twelve minutes. It ended when she found a new book that she just had to read, and before she knew it, she had spent the entire day reading.
That was Twilight's first Friday in Ponyville. Saturday was a bit more important, because that was when Pinkie had scheduled the official "Welcome to Ponyville, Twilight and Spike" party. Twilight knew the party would be the perfect opportunity for her to find the Element of Honesty.
All she had to do was wear...the Horrible Hat.
Shining Armor bought Twilight the hat as a joke, five years ago. It was a horrendous monstrosity, which made fashion designers weep at the sight of it. The hat wasn't just a fashion disaster; it was the fashion disaster, the one which caused the fashion apocalypse and forever destroyed good taste in headwear. It was a hideous mix of beige and hot pink, with green-striped polka dots. The fabric, which looked more like sand paper than silk, was curled and swirled around in a haphazard manner, making it seem like the top of Twilight's head was vomiting. Most ponies, upon seeing the hat, felt like vomiting themselves.
Now to make sure this works, Twilight thought. Rarity will make a good test subject.
Twilight adjusted the hat, then knocked on the door of Rarity's house. Shortly after this, Rarity opened the door with her magic and stepped outside. She began with her standard greeting for new customers. "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is—augh!"
Twilight smiled. "Hello, Rarity," she said. "I'm here about the—"
"Quick, quick, come inside!" Rarity said, almost dragging Twilight through the doorway. "You don't want to be seen in public like that!"
"Like what?" Twilight asked, pretending not to know what Rarity was talking about.
"Like...that!" Rarity said. "Where in the wild, wild world of Equestria did you get that hat?"
Twilight smiled. "This hat was a gift from Princess Celestia," she said.
Rarity froze in place. "The princess gave you that hat?" she asked.
"Uh huh. It's my favorite piece of clothing," Twilight said. "Do you like it?"
"I...I..." Rarity said. Struggling against her inner fashionista, she forced a fake smile. "It's lovely, darling."
"You really think so?" Twilight asked.
"It's...very unique," Rarity said. She chuckled nervously. "So what brings you to my shop...Twilight, was it?"
"Uh huh," Twilight said. "I came to see your decorations for the Summer Sun Celebration."
"Oh, yes!" Rarity said. "I have them all drawn out. I made two different sketches, so you can choose which one you like best."
Twilight was pleasantly surprised by the quality of Rarity's plans. The two ponies spent some time discussing the pros and cons of the two decorating schemes. Things were going well, until Twilight made the mistake of mentioning her home town.
"You're from CANTERLOT?" Rarity practically shouted. "I have always dreamed of living there! The glamor, the sophistication! You simply have to tell me all about it!"
Twilight took a step backwards. "Well, it's very clean," she said.
"Oh, dear, this will not do!" Rarity said. "I simply cannot allow my new friend from Canterlot to leave here, without a new outfit! After all, you're hosting a party this afternoon!"
Rarity forced Twilight to try on at least twenty different outfits, and four different manedos. It took over an hour before Rarity found something she was satisfied with.
"There you go!" Rarity said. "The shoulders on that dress are perfect! Of course, it doesn't quite match your hat, so you'll have to leave the hat here..."
Twilight grabbed the hat before Rarity could get her hooves on it and throw it into the nearest dumpster. "I'm not giving up my hat," Twilight said, putting it on her head. "Thank you very much for the dress, Rarity, but I really have to get going now. I wasn't planning on staying here this long..."
"Yes, yes, yes, sorry for keeping you," Rarity said. "I'll see you later today, okay, darling? And do rethink wearing that hat, will you? It might be a bit...much for the occasion."
"Okay," Twilight said. "See you later, Rarity."
I knew it! Twilight thought happily, as she left the Carousel Boutique. Only a really honest pony would tell me the truth about the hat. They'd all rather lie than risk offending the Princess.
Twilight's plan to find an honest pony had a minor flaw. It operated on the principle that ponies would rather lie than offend Princess Celestia. However, there was one dishonest pony in Equestria who didn't care a bit if he offended Princess Celestia or not.
Shortly before Twilight's party started, Princess Celsetia stepped into the room of this dishonest, hateful pony.
"Hello, Aunt Celestia," Prince Blueblood said, disdainfully. "Why are you here?"
"Hello, Blueblood," Celestia said. "How have your magic studies been progressing?"
Blueblood shot her a dirty look. "They haven't," he said bluntly. "Not since you kicked me out of your school."
Celestia sighed. Why was Blueblood always so confrontational? "I told you before that I didn't have a choice," Celestia said. "You knew the rules when you broke them."
"Rules are for commoners, not for royalty," Blueblood said.
This was an argument the two of them had been through, multiple times. Blueblood insisted that he was free from the obligations of law and morality, simply because his great-great-great-grandfather had been made an honorary prince. In fact, the only law Blueblood respected was the rather obscure one that allowed him to claim royal status, as the last remaining descendant of Prince Bluebill.
Celestia knew this was not the time to get into a discussion about laws. "Nevertheless, how are your magic studies going?" she asked. "Have you learned any new spells recently?"
"No," Blueblood said. "Why would I?"
"Because magic is your special talent," Celestia said. She pointed towards Blueblood's cutie mark: two overlapping compass stars, similar to the symbol for the Element of Magic.
"I don't know why you keep insisting that I could be a magical genius," Blueblood said. "I don't need to use magic. I have servants to do everything I want."
"Are you saying you don't use magic?" Celestia asked.
"Well, I use a couple of spells to help me with the mares," Blueblood said, grinning saucily. "That's probably not what you mean, though."
Celestia groaned. "Don't tell me you are still treating mares like—"
"Like what, the garbage they are?" Blueblood asked. "Honestly, even you couldn't defend the way they throw themselves at me."
"And you cannot defend the way you take advantage of them," Celestia said. "Mares are not toys for your amusement. They should be treated with respect."
"Oh, trust me, I stay far away from respectable mares," Blueblood said. "They're not fun in the slightest."
"Your definition of 'fun' needs a complete overhaul."
"Blah, blah, blah. Is there a reason you've come here, or do you just want to lecture me on how I'm a horrible pony?" Prince Blueblood snapped.
Princess Celestia frowned. "I came here, because you're in charge of organizing the Grand Galloping Gala this year," she said. "I need two tickets."
"Please, don't be ridiculous," Blueblood said. "You've already got a space on the guest list."
"They're not for me," Celestia said. "They're for somepony else."
"Who?"
"...I don't think you need to know," Celestia said.
"Somepony I don't like, then?" Blueblood asked. "Or are you plotting something? Hoping to invite ruffians to destroy the gala and ruin my reputation?"
"I think you're ruining your reputation enough as it is, without the need for outside help."
Blueblood and Celestia glared at each other for a moment, before he laughed. "Oh, Aunt Celestia, you are ridiculous sometimes," Blueblood said. "So old-fashioned and self-righteous. It's so amusing, I almost feel tempted to forgive you for ruining my life."
"You ruined your life, not me," Celestia said. "You also ruined the lives of several other ponies."
"Yes, I suppose I did," Blueblood allowed. "But that was years ago. You really need to get over it. I certainly stopped caring about it long ago."
"You never care about anypony but yourself, that's the problem," Celestia said. "The tickets?"
"Yes, yes, you can have your silly tickets," Blueblood said. He levitated a box over from a nearby table. Opening it, he removed a stack of twenty tickets. "Have as many as you need. We can't let our precious princess be deprived."
"Thank you," Celestia said, accepting the tickets.
"Why, you're welcome, Auntie," Blueblood said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a poni-pedi scheduled, so unless you wish to reveal your ulterior motive for visiting me, please leave."
Celestia sighed heavily. "You may not believe it, but I do have your best interests at heart," she said.
"I don't believe that for a moment," Blueblood said. "Now get out of my way."
Blueblood shoved past Celestia and left the room, his head high in the air. The Equestrian Monarch stayed behind in the room for a moment, before leaving herself, trying to think of a good way to reform Blueblood. Perhaps a direct hit to the face with the Elements of Harmony would work?
"Hello, and welcome to the party!" Twilight said, opening the front door.
"Hi...uh..." Carrot Top said, a little taken aback.
"You like my hat? Princess Celestia gave it to me!" Twilight said.
"Like it? I love it!" Carrot Top said. "I don't wear hats myself—too much hair—but it looks good on you!"
"That's nice," Twilight said. "So come in! We've got food and music, and over by the nonfiction section, everypony is playing 'Know Your Neighbor'!"
"I never heard of that game," Carrot Top said.
"Oh, it's loads of fun," Twilight said. She had made up the game herself. To play, a group of five ponies got together, and answered questions about each other. Each pony answered separately, and in the end, they compared all their answers.
It was a casual game, intended to help ponies learn new things about each other and share a few laughs. Normally, the game featured fun questions like "Who will be the first to get married and why?" and "What do you think about socks?". Twilight Sparkle, being a master of subtlety, had picked questions like "Who is the most loyal pony you know?" and "Which member of the group is most generous?".
Another pony knocked on the front door. "Oh, excuse me!" Twilight said. She ran to answer it. "Hello, and welcome! Yes, it is a nice hat, isn't it?"
For Twilight, there wasn't much to the party, other than that. All she did was answer the door, and answer the door, and answer the door. Everypony had a different reaction to the Horrible Hat, all of them predictably positive.
"The princess gave you that hat? How kind of her! It's so pretty!"—Fluttershy
"I've never seen a hat quite like that before."—Cheerilee
"If'n you like it, I won't complain!"—Applejack
"Eeeyup,"—Big Macintosh
Twilight was interiorly upset at how things were going. Was it too much to hope that one pony would be honest with her? It wasn't like they'd be sent to the moon if they told the truth about the hat! Twilight seriously did not want her next letter to the princess to look like this:
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am sorry to report that the Element of Harmony does not live in Ponyville. Everypony in this town is a liar. Also, they now think you have terrible taste in hats. Sorry.
—Twilight Sparkle
Twilight sighed as she opened up the door again. "Hello, Rarity," she said. "Welcome to the party!"
"Hello, darling," Rarity said. Rarity was wearing one of her casual party dresses. "I hope you don't mind, but I brought my little sister along. She says that she goes to school with your assistant, Spoke."
"It's Spike," Twilight said. "And he's more like a little brother than an assistant."
From across the room, Spike thought he heard his name. He turned to look at the doorway, and his jaw instantly dropped as a heavenly vision of loveliness entered the library. She was an alabaster mare with a curly mane of deep purple. Her casual dress hinted at a profound elegance, and all in all, it reminded Spike of a storybook about beautiful princesses.
She had a coat
As white as snow
With curly hair
And heart aglow
With eyebrows short
And lashes tall
She is the fairest
Of them all
In all the world,
None can compare
To the loveliness
Of this gorgeous mare
His heart felt like it was expanding, making it hard to breathe. Snow White has come to life, and she is at my party, Spike thought. Nopony pinch me. I don't want to wake up from this dream.
"Spike, are you okay?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"Who's that?" Spike sighed.
"Who?" Pinkie Pie asked. She followed Spike's gaze. "Oh, that's Rarity. She's probably here with Sweetie Belle. Yep, there she is!"
Sweetie Belle stepped into the doorway and stood next to Rarity. The family resemblance between the two was unmistakeable, and Spike felt his heart smash to the ground.
"They're related?" Spike gasped.
"Uh huh!" Pinkie Pie said. "One time, Rarity styled Sweetie Belle's mane so they looked like twins! Oh my gosh, that was so cute!"
Great. Just great, Spike thought, disappointed. The most beautiful mare I've ever seen, and she already has a full-grown daughter. Guess that means I can't go out with her.
Still, Spike considered. Sweetie's mom has got it going on.
Rarity and Sweetie Belle were the last two ponies to arrive, because Rarity had insisted on being casually late. For the next fifteen minutes, Twilight wallowed in the swamp of politely dishonest ponies, even though she wanted to fly up to her room and complain angrily.
I can't even do research on the other elements! Twilight thought bitterly. Diamond Tiara's not here, so I can't double-check to see if she's really the Element of Laughter! I mean, I could check to see if the farmer ponies are all generous, but that's pointless! I know they're generous—they all gave me a pack of lies!
*knock knock knock*
Twilight snapped out of her internal monologue and raced to the door. "I've got it!" she cried. She pulled the top half of the front door inside and saw...nopony.
"Huh?" Twilight asked.
"Uh...is this the library?" a voice asked.
Twilight hovered a foot or to, so she could lean over the door. Sitting on the other side of the door was a nervous-looking Scootaloo.
"Oh, hey, Scootaloo," Twilight said. "Come on in!"
"Thanks," Scootaloo said. Scootaloo gave a half-laugh of relief, as Twilight opened the bottom half of the front door. "I was kind of worried. I can't let the other ponies—what's going on?"
"It's the welcome party for me and Spike," Twilight said.
"Oh..." Scootaloo said, stopping. "In that case, I should probably get going, and—"
"Hold it," Twilight said, putting out a wing to block Scootaloo's escape. "You can't leave! You just got here."
"Yeah, but..." Scootaloo said, looking nervously around the room.
"What's wrong?" Twilight asked.
Scootaloo gestured towards Twilight's head, and Twilight leaned in close to her. "I don't want anypony to know I'm getting flying books from the library!" she whispered. "The other pegasi will tease me about it!"
"There's no reason to feel ashamed about it," Twilight said. "I learned how to fly from a library book."
"Yeah, but you're a librarian!" Scootaloo said. "It's different!"
Twilight laughed. "I wasn't a librarian when I was your age," she said. "Look, if anypony asks, we can say you're here for the party. I'll check out the books for you when nopony's looking, okay?"
"Okay," Scootaloo agreed, somewhat hesitantly.
"Great," Twilight said. "Now let's go get some food. You look hungry."
That changed Scootaloo's mood. "I love snack food!" Scootaloo said, as the two of them walked to the food table.
Twilight smiled as the little filly attacked the bowl of chips. "You have fun, Scootaloo," she said.
"This is great! Thanks, Twilight!" Scootaloo said. "Here, you have some!" Scootaloo scooped up a hoofful of chips and held them out to Twilight.
Twilight scrunched her face up; she wasn't willing to eat out of somepony else's hooves. "Uh...where am I supposed to hold these?" she asked.
"On your hat," Scootaloo. "That's why you're wearing such a big hat, right? So you can put things on it."
"What? No, silly," Twilight laughed. "I'm wearing this hat because it's a present from Princess Celestia."
"But it's ugly!" Scootaloo said. "Why would the princess give you something like that?"
"It's not ugly; it's—" Twilight began, then stopped. It took her an astonished moment to realize what just happened. "YES!" Twilight shouted. She flew a foot into the air and struck a victory pose. "This is an ugly hat!"
Twilight threw her hat on the ground and stomped on it. One or two of the ponies in attendance (aka Rarity) cheered at this. Using her mouth, Twilight threw the Horrible Hat into the garbage, where it was never heard from again.
Twilight picked up Scootaloo and hugged her. "Thank you, Scootaloo!" Twilight said. "You're so nice and honest!"
"Um...you're welcome?" Scootaloo said, feeling a bit awkward to be hugged by a near-stranger. "All I did was say your hat is ugly..."
Twilight put Scootaloo back down. "You know what? I have an idea!" Twilight said. "I'm going to teach you how to fly!"
"What?" Scootaloo asked.
"Sure! I owe you for telling me about my hat!" Twilight said, smiling. A faint shadow darkened Twilight's face. "And let's just say, I know how tough it is when nopony in your family can help teach you how to fly."
"Yes!" Scootaloo said. "Yes, please teach me! That would be perfect!"
Awkwardness forgotten, Scootaloo grabbed Twilight's forelegs and hugged them as hard as she could. Twilight smiled at this. Who knew the Element of Honesty would be a little filly?
The somewhat tender moment was ruined, when Spike belched loudly from across the room.
"EW!" Pinkie Pie said. "Gross, Spike!"
"It's not my fault!" Spike said quickly. "It's a letter from the Princess!"
Spike bent down to pick up the scroll, when he belched a second time. Two golden pieces of paper fluttered to the ground, and Pinkie Pie instantly recognized what they were.
"Tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala?" Pinkie Pie shouted.
There was a gasp as everypony in the library turned their attention to Pinkie and Spike.
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I always enjoy alternate realities that are changed by the slightest of details
I always enjoy alternate realities that are changed by the slightest of details
Scootaloo as the Element of Honesty.....
Ohh god I can just see this now, "Dear Ms. Cheerilee, please excuse Scootaloo Dawnstar from class today, as her presence is required on a mission to fight a full grown dragon."
(Joke) Alt. Title: Hjelp! Twilight Er Fanget I Et Alternativt Univers Fiction
Hey, lookit, a song about flying:
Well here I was expecting that Blueblood was dead, now he's an even bigger ass than he is in canon.
That is a spectacularly shit-headed Blueblood you've got going there. Less boorish caricature, more product-of-privilege sociopath.
Also loving Twilight's merry progress towards picking some incredibly bad Elements of Harmony. She has multiple pre-teen fillies lined up so far - go-go endangering minors!
I like Scoots as the element of honesty. I see a problem in the making though when she meets the prospective element of laughter. That won't be the least bit funny, at least to them. As for twilight, who knows -- maybe she will ascend if put in the right position. As it stands she might have a shot at loyalty. She definitely does seem loyal here. I could even see it if she sends a letter to Celestia having her write back that no pony is more loyal than Twilight.
So this is a long-form explanation of why Princess Celestia didn't tell canon Twilight the specific qualities she needed for her friends?
2047614 Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara. So if they both get eaten by a dragon, it's kind of a wash.
Incoming feels from Scoots! TAKE COVER!
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/60953/953/95/rainbowsmash_display.gif
And I can see Neurotic Pegasus Twilight utterly "failing" and making the friends she did in canon.
"Oh this?" *Flicks wings, makes spark of pegasus magic* "Just something I figured out how to do as a filly after encountering that amazing polychrome shockwave."
Scootaloo as the element of honesty. Blueblood of all ponies as the element of magic. Well maybe eternal night won't be so bad.
2052161 Thankfully, Celestia's back-up plan is "banish Nightmare Moon to the moon, and try again in another thousand years". Perhaps that was Celestia's back-up plan on the actual show, too.
2047614 That's hilarious. But don't forget, Cheerilee is on the short list for Element of Kindness. "Class is cancelled tomorrow, because I have to vanquish an ancient evil. Please do the homework for Tuesday and Wednesday."
Twilight adopting Scoots?
ALL MY YES! All of it!
Oh, Twilight. Twilight, Twilight, Twilight.
Yeah, this is why Celestia didn't tell her anything about her mission in canon.
Am I the only one who thinks that Blueblood isn't that big of a jerk, and he just acted that way around Rarity because he's tired of mares hitting on him?
...
I am?
Okay
3281405
Actually, that's a plausible interpretation. He might have acted like a jackass to avoid the mares who wanted him for his status.
Wow. I usually wait until I've read all available chapters, but I feel the need to remark that you've written the most deplorable version of Blueblood I've ever read, and I've read a version where he was a serial killer.
Seriously, that mix of entitlement, sociopathy and lack of moral character? He doesn't need magical assistance for reformation, he needs to be locked up for a month and have a platoon of royal guards give him a thorough working-over. And a beating.
Canonically though, I agree with 3281405 and 3410647. Rarity did kind of act like a shameless gold digger. If she had approached him earlier with a few letters, maybe bring up her own status as an accomplished business owner, national hero and close confidante of the Princess' personal student, he'd have had motivation to treat her well for his own benefit.
Wow, Blueblood's a d
k.
And Scoots is adorable
Also, those tickets are going to cause enough chaos to wake up Discord
Well, thats one way to teach fillies and colts sex ed.
No comment....
I can’t Help myself.
sh
e
The elements of harmony was messed up.
Blueblood your such an a
*Honesty
Also, Twilight destroying the hat is the funniest part so far.
Oh no, we know how much chaos happened with six ponies, what will happen with a party of them!?
Ah, I see this Blueblood is just cartoonishly irredeemably evil.