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The Lone Star

I gave all of the characters no names for a reason. You decide who they are. The story tells of a devastating discovery one mare finds after the disappearence of the only mare to have ever cared for her. Will she find her mother before it's too late? Or will her thirst for finding her mother lead to a living nightmare?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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MasterRayzer

MasterRayzer #1 · Jan 11th, 2013 · 1 · ·

I gave all of the characters no names for a reason. You decide who they are.

Whats next? Want us to write the next chapter?

Kolwynia

Kolwynia #2 · Jan 11th, 2013 · · ·

Okay, I should really check the story tags before reading. Your writing is not bad at all. There are a few grammar issues scattered throughout. You use the word "where" when you should use "were." Stuff like that.

You handle the emotional and psychological journey of your character well. This is the highlight of the story.

I didn't like the ending. Resolving a story with suicide is something that upsets me. (This is just my personal reaction to your story, not an objective critique.)

This is your first fanfiction? Good job. Keep writing.

AnonymousPony

AnonymousPony #3 · Jan 11th, 2013 · · ·

1941977 This was my first fanfiction. I actually intended on making more, but this one was just something I wanted to put out as a starter fic, to see if I could attract anyone. Your reactions are dearly noted, and I didn't want to go with a suicide at first, but I had ran out of ideas. I appreciate your opinion on my emotional journey with my character. That was probably the part I worked the most on. As far as the grammar issues, I can only get better. Thank you for the feedback. :D