Chapter 3: Feathers
FALLOUT: EQUESTRIA
RAZOR'S EDGE
by Shukin
Chapter 3: Feathers
"Haven't you learned anything? You can't exert yourself, Rufus."
That was the second time I was receiving some kind of scolding since I'd been shot down. Both Mittens and Raspberry Cake were at the shack when Stunner and I arrived, they were discussing about their resources, and how the next meal would be. It looked like there wasn't going to be another meal that day.
"I've made him rethink what he wants, isn't that a good enough reason?" I tried to defend myself, but even if I actually had a point, she was right.
"You were pretty stupid to go there thinking you could fight their leader in your actual state." She looked pretty worried, helping Mittens to apply some Med-X to the base of my hurt wing. The pain quickly vanished, the medicine doing its part.
"'Sometimes, you have to do stupid things to help somepony,' right?" That actually made her giggle, pulling the needle back and discarding the syringe. Mittens used both his hooves to move my relaxed wing a little and, when I didn't react to it, he gave a sincere smile. He probably was happy that nothing was damaged after all the time and resources they'd used to cure me.
"Okay, you've got a point," she added, "though you still were stupid, and reckless."
"Nothing has changed since our last appointment, and my forecast stands true." How could Mittens not see how finicky he usually acted? Would he ever relax? I nodded, signaling I've understood that.
In some days, I'll finally be possible to take off, and everything is going to be better. My interaction with that raider city and Bonelord himself made me ponder about their relationship with these villagers, and I couldn't keep that to myself forever. "They look quite civilized for a bunch of raiders, you know? Since when they've made the city their home?"
It was Stunner that answered, surprising me. "Something like five years ago. Deathwish's appeared out of nowhere, raining bullets and blood at us, and they," he pointed to both Raspberry Cake and Mittens, "ran the fuck out of there like puppies under the rain. I stood firmly there, protecting my old home, when that motherfucker did this." He pointed to his own jaw.
"It wasn't long ago, then." At the time, they'd ran as fast as they could, and they got lucky to find this shelter. "Well, that doesn't explain how you have such young foals running around this place."
"Their parents could not make their journey to our actual settlement, joining our goddesses." I thought they were orphans, but I really didn't expect somepony like Mittens to have any kind of belief into something two centuries old. "We have taken care of them since then."
"We lived with ten more ponies before the attack," Raspberry explained, "some of them died during the initial wave, others couldn't survive their wounds-"
"We did not have access to our actual pharmacy at the time," Mittens interrupted her, noticing his faux pas and covering his mouth with one of his hooves.
"...And others joined the raiders, in the same way they've wanted to get Sparkly Beam," she ended her own explanation properly, this time.
"So you mean some of those handmaidens of his'..."
"Came from here? Exactly, feathers." Stunner confirmed my suspicions, pulling another cigar. This time, Raspberry Cake helped him to light it. "That blue unicorn with creamy mane is called Sunlight, the one that spoke to me through the feasting was Starry Night."
"There was a third one that joined them, Strawberry Meringue, my sis'." It was funny how neutral Raspberry Cake was when talking about those losses. Well, they've had a lot of time to cope with it, that's probably why they're so open about it. "She was marvelous, I've learned nearly everything I know about cooking from her ways. She herself learned it from our mother, but I was too young to remember when she died."
"I'm sorry," I said, without even realizing it. I guess it was a common thing to happen on the wasteland, but I still had that part of me that told me it was the right and sensible thing to do.
"Don't worry about it, as I said, I was too young." She shrugged, and trotted to the old refrigerator that filled the background with its unending hum. A quick sparkle of magic, and it opened. The three of us waited patiently for whatever she went there to get, and it was a pleasant surprise when a half-full bottle of whiskey floated in our direction in her magical grasp. "Here, to our own commemoration."
"Dibs!" The damn ghoul swiftly changed the cigar to the hole in his jaw and grabbed the bottle, taking a full swig before Raspberry's magic finally struggled the drink from his hooves.
"Oh, c'mon, I'm not going to drink from that now!" I put my tongue out, showing disgust. They've got the joke, that's good. "Here, gimme that, I need it more than both of you together," I said, taking a sip from the bottle. The warm sensation in my belly comforted me through the burning in my throat, and I slowly felt more relaxed.
"Hey, I just noticed I didn't told you how this motherfucker has convinced Bonelord to think!" said Stunner, sitting by my side on the bed in the corner of the shack.
-=-=-=-=-
We passed the bottle around while he told of our adventures through the raider city, from the feasting full of brahmin meat to how I reacted to the throne. At least Mittens and Raspberry shared my opinion about that monstrosity. While the story kept going, the bottle got emptier and emptier. We laughed, and the ghoul got more and more exhilarated.
"...and just when Bonelord tackled him, the fucking bird did a somersault, locked his front paws around that huge neck and strangled him, unarmed! He tackled the wall two times, trying to free himself from the strong grip that was stealing his breath and, moments later, he dropped without a glimpse of life in his eyes!" The ghoul drinks again, coughing and laughing.
"Hey, that's not how it happened at all!" I protested, but it just made everypony else laugh. I giggled, alcohol in firm grasp of my sobriety. "I know I'm awesome, but a somersault?!"
"That's how I remember it, that's how I'll tell it!" He got another cigar and put by his mouth, failing hard to lighten it. After some time trying in vain, he spat the cigar back to his foreleg pocket. "Gah, fuck it. I'm out, tomorrow's going to suck if Bonelord decides to kill us all."
I waved to him and took another shot, slowly descending until I was lying on the bed, wings relaxed and a stupid grin in my face. Stupid, stupid alcoholic grin. I didn't even notice when Mittens gave a sympathetic hug to Raspberry Cake and went back to his clinic. I didn't even notice when she took the bottle from my talon, and went outside.
I thought the fresh air would make me better, so I rolled out of the bed, nearly falling numbly to the ground. With my wobbly legs, I fought my own balance to make my way outside, where she was leaning on a piece of the old fuselage, improvised as a rail. It was already night, a simple lightbulb above the shack's door poorly illuminated the slope. In the distance, you could see a small blinking red dot, that I recognized as one of those towers that transmitted DJ Pon-3 signal. I approached her cautiously, not wanting to hurt myself even more with an accidental fall.
When I stood by her side though, I noticed the small trail of a tear from her right eye, glimmering in the weak lamp light. She had the bottle between her hooves and, without a glance, she drank. I stopped there, the world swirling under my paws. I hiccuped, and turned around. If she wasn't the one bringing it up, it wouldn't be of my business. I could hardly see the slope, going as slow as my legs let me, trying to redirect myself to the second level of the city, where I still could hear chatter coming from the bottom of the corridor, probably of those three. Foals are too active to go to sleep early.
I dragged my drunk body to one of the doors, having trouble with turning the hatch's valve to the right side. When I finally succeeded, I stumbled forward, faltering. As I presumed, it was empty, as it was probably the worst room in the whole place, the room next door being the workshop. I've always slept like a rock, so noises from the other side wouldn't bother me.
I only noticed that I slept on the floor when I woke up, body completely sore and my head pounding. Goddesses, I'd only drank like that a few years back, with my old caravan - I need to try to contact them later - when I was new to the whole merchant thing. I got up, cracking nearly every bone in my spine and twisting my neck, trying as hard as I could to ease the soreness. I kind of deserved that, nopony told me to accept the drink.
Now sober, I looked around, examining what would be my bedroom for some time. On the bedroom's opposing wall, a sealed hatch with broken glass gave me a good view of the sky, still as cloudy as ever. There was simple table to my right, and the bed was on my left - still, my body preferred to just drop a few feet away from a more comfortable night.
Nothing of interesting was in the bedroom itself, though I could try to scavenge for a weapons locker to brighten up the place. The bed was like that solid block of metal of Raspberry's shack, with a slot to slide a footlocker under it. The table was made of metal too, welded to the wall firmly. At least everything was sturdy.
I opened the hatch, hearing voices and laughs outside. Barely a step outside, I was hit by a missile in a filly's body, falling to the ground with her on top of me. "Hey, not even a 'good day', miss?" I joked, recognizing Sparkly Beam's mane in my face. In the background, I heard two male laughs, probably both those two colts that were always with her were pulling her leg. She took a second longer to understand what just happened, shook her head out of dizziness and jumped higher than I ever could, as red as Raspberry's jumpsuit.
"I-I'm sorry! I'll kill both of you!" she responded as she darted towards them, both running as fast as they could through the same pathway they've created yesterday. I got up, laughing about the whole situation, and walked to Raspberry's shack. With it being at the top of the village, it turned into a headquarters of our own, and the sweet smell of a fresh batch of whatever Raspberry Cake was baking reached my nostrils before I opened the door. After savoring it for a moment, I went inside, just in time to see her fighting against a pack of flour to put it back into its place, a cupboard slightly higher than her.
I wondered why she was using her hooves to raise the pack, instead of her magic. A quick glance to the pack itself, made of old paper, explained it, with its bottom poorly glued back together. Probably, it had ripped apart while she did exactly that, as the whole weight would be focused on the bottom of the pack if she lifted it with her magic.
"Here, let me help you," I approached her, taking the pack from her hooves and easily reaching the cupboard. Still, I let it close to the door, so the next time she would need it, it would be easier to retrieve. She smiled to me, though it lasted a lot less than the usual, at least from what I gathered in these two days I'm conscious. "Mittens is the one who usually helps you with this, right?" She nodded, focusing her attention to the oven. I sat on the bed. "So," I said, trying to break up the awkward silence, "what's today's lunch?"
"Sparkle-Cola cake." She didn't even looked at me.
Well, if that was about yesterday, I couldn't exactly understand what made her sad like that, so I laid on the bed, crossing my forelegs behind my head and relaxing my wings at my sides. Not long after, Mittens appears with a basket of foals in his mouth, the youngest twins of the village inside it, having the time of their lives.
"The journey is over, little foals," he said, resting the basket on the ground. Both foals groaned, the hyperactive teal unicorn quickly realizing I was there and trotting in my direction. His sister, a cyan unicorn with a dash of white in her mane, preferred to stay along Mittens.
He approached me, amazed by my wings, I think that's the first time he saw them in their totality. "Whoa... So awesome!"
I smiled. "And quite flexible, if you know what I mean." I raised my right wing, cutting the air a few times. Every time it moved, his jaw dropped, completely hypnotized by my feathers. One of them fell slowly, and I relax my wing once again.
Mittens didn't approve my innuendo, by the way he stared at me. I didn't care, he's too young to understand it anyway. The foal tried to float the feather with a telekinetic grip, failing and resorting to his hooves. With curiosity, he twisted and moved the feather around, trying to understand it.
"Why some of your feathers are white?" He stared at my neck and face, where those feathers were abundant.
"It's because I'm a griffin, and griffins have these two-colored scheme," I answered cleverly.
"And why some of them are red?" I think he was asking about the highlights around my eyes, or at the tip of my head feathers.
"I got it from my mom's side... Hey foal," I whispered, bringing my beak close to his ear. "want to learn a secret?"
He nodded, completely focused on my words. I grinned.
"My mother was half-dragon. I might have some dragon blood too," I said, as quietly as I could.
I thought he would explode of excitement at the mention of that possibility. I think Mittens heard it as well, which made me question my sneaking capabilities. Still, I went back to my relaxed stance, while the foal freaked out with the news, running around everywhere. Raspberry Cake took the golden cake off the oven and let it over the table to cool.
While we waited, she approached Mittens with a serious face, "We're out of eggs. Should we send Stunner to catch more?"
"I do not think he will cooperate easily. Remember what we had to do last time? It will probably be worse this time," Mittens answered, clearly uncomfortable with whatever memory he had from 'the last time'.
"New on the town, anypony?" I called their attention, remembering them that I don't have idea of what they were talking about. "What happened last time, anyway?"
They were clearly embarrassed, and didn't want to speak about it. Still, I stared at them until Raspberry Cake broke: "Okay, okay, I'll tell you. He asked for our whole stock of scotch. Seven bottles." She sighed. "Those were my best ones."
Are they seriously risking starvation for booze? "I can't believe you, guys." I giggled, and they were still embarrassed with the pretty stupid reason. I sat straight and crossed my forelegs, "Still, it is kind of expensive for a bunch of eggs. I don't see why he asked that much."
They looked at each other, and gave a little smile. Mittens nodded, Raspberry shook her head, he nodded harder, she sighed, he looked at me. "Are you feeling better?"
"A lot, I don't feel pain even if I twist my wing," I said while doing exactly that, "so I think I'm finally close to a hundred percent."
"Could you, please, try to convince him?" That sounded much more shady in Raspberry's voice than Mittens could emote. "I'm sure he'll listen to you." I wouldn't bet on that, miss.
Before I could answer, one of the colts that followed Sparkly Beam burst through the open doorway, nearly hitting Mittens. His cream fur just emphasized how shaken he was, with his curly black mane covering his eyes. "M-Mister! A-ar-are y-you R-Ruf-fus?" I couldn't notice if it was an actual stutter or just anxiety.
"Calm down, colt! That's me, alright, what's the matter?" I tried to reassure him, though that didn't helped him at all.
"I t-think y-you s-should c-c-come t-to the g-gates!" And, just as that, he darted out of the room. I looked to both Mittens and Raspberry with startled eyes. After a second that felt longer than usual, they awkwardly nodded and I followed him as fast as I could.
While running down the slope, I felt my ribs aching, remembering me that I needed at least one more day to a full recovery, if Mittens was right. Reaching the gates, I saw the colt alongside Sparkly Beam and the other member of their trio. On one of the gate towers, Stunner stood tall. I approached the scene, easily climbing the crates to the tower where he was.
Just as I stepped on the metal floor, he noticed my presence and pointed forward, to the hill that lead to the start of the boneyard's entrance. "Look, there's our answer." I couldn't see anything but a strange movement and some banners, though it was too far to understand what was displayed.
Noticing my difficulty, Stunner pointed me to a pair of binoculars next to him. I quickly grabbed it, both of us without any kind of expression, completely focused at the problem at hoof. Through its lenses, I saw a red bull painted on the banners, and a very recognizable silhouette leading about ten raiders. "Are you kidding me?" I said, incredulous. That couldn't be right. "Is that a raid?!"
"I hope so," Stunner muttered. I gave him a quick glance, and I was actually afraid that the smile that warped his rotten face was sincere. We went as fast as we could all the way to the entrance of the boneyard, every feather on my body trembling with excitement, or anxiety, it's a line too thin between both for me to recognize which is which.
He didn't wait for us to approach, Bonelord yelling his words while we got closer, "Bird of prey!" Did he called me a predator? Was that a compliment? "I, Bonelord, bring forth my best soldiers!"
As we were in close range, his troops surrounded us, spears in mouth, ready for anything aggressive. He kept talking, this time in a more manageable tone, "I have my verdict to your offer." I could feel every pair of eyes piercing me, every earth pony around me pointing their weapons, preparing to attack. I gulped, waiting. He took a deep breath. "I will personally kill you."
What, like that?! I stared him in the eyes, already planning every little step. I had to trip him somehow, crippling a leg would work well. I pressed my wings against my body, and my body started to shake when I noticed the revolver wasn't with me. Did I let it in my bedroom?! I couldn't remember, my mind racing against myself in that situation, the seconds slowly floating on their own agenda.
"If this offer of yours cripple my people in any way."
Maybe I could jump above his stallions and use one of them as a meat shield, using his own spear as a wea- Wait, "What?" It seemed that I wasn't the only one shocked by his words, as I could count at least three of his soldiers that couldn't hold their own spear in their mouths when their jaws dropped.
"My reasons were selfish, and you've proven your worth yesterday. I will follow your guidance, at least for now." He dropped his own head, instinctively staring at where the blade's hit him yesterday. "My people need more than able bodies. I am destined to glory, and fighting a futile war is the least of my worries right now."
"Well, this is a pleasant surprise," I added. "Well, now that we're... partners, we need to discuss some things," It was funny how some of his ponies were completely fine with their leader's choice, while others were especially outraged, "but not now, as we need to hunt."
Stunner, who were lost in his own thoughts, woke up instantly. "W-what do you mean hunting?"
"We need eggs, simply as that."
The ghoul stood still for a second, laughing his lungs out after the realization. "You're fucking kidding me, right? They put you to hunt for eggs? Oh, good fucking luck, feathers, you're going to need it."
That was exactly what I wanted for him to say. "Oh, so the great and powerful Stunner is backing up from a simple task as collecting eggs?" I noticed half of Bonelord's stallions had already turned around and went back to their own city, especially those who expected pillaging.
"I-it's not like that, you motherfuckers. That fucking place is hell, and look who's saying it."
"You're afraid? I can't believe you are afraid of chickens!" I laughed loudly, Bonelord following me at mocking Stunner. Slowly, the ghoul was getting angrier and angrier, exactly what I had in mind.
"Fine, goddessesdamned it fine! But both of you are coming!"
I nodded positively, Bonelord gave a hearty laugh and added, "It will be an honor to hunt alongside both of you. Soldiers, go back to your families, we're settled here."
I was seriously doubting they weren't joking me. How could they be so easy to manipulate? Well, at least we would have our own private time to speak.
We were circling the boneyard, the chicken's nest probably was closer to the coast, which wasn't that far anyway. While we walked, I discussed with Bonelord about our relationship, setting goals and limits. We would be together, focusing in what each people knew better. They would hunt, we would help with the meal itself. Again, they would offer water.
I was radiant, smiling all my way to our objective still without an idea of where that would be, as Stunner guided both of us. Bonelord was incredibly strong to trot normally with that much scrap metal strapped to him, easily looking like he was at least twice his real size, with sharpened edges over his forelegs.
By request, I'd have to go to the Remnant's base, located in a city called Fetlockville southeast of Razor's Edge, closer to the old zebra's territory than most would be comfortable with. I've heard little about the city itself in my time above the clouds.
Fetlockville was a settlement that aimed to be 'Las Pegasus of East Coast', with luxury and wealth everywhere. While it had a lot of stadiums, one of the biggest theater house of Equestria and some beautiful and well-kept gardens, it failed to do as promised. Something like Las Pegasus doesn't start overnight, like they expected it would be. It was built while the whole nation was preparing for the war, and the ministries thought they could raise a huge profit from those investments. That's why the whole city was built around a geyser, its waters channeled to the huge Friendship Fountain, next to one of the ministries' buildings, but I couldn't remember which one it was.
Hell, I couldn't even remember what each ministry did.
It was actually a good idea to visit it, and to try to build a trade route with them. Razor's Edge, with its new addition, would really be better off with a big settlement protecting them.
"There, at the tower's base," Stunner interrupted my line of thought. When I looked at the general direction he pointed at, I could understand why he said that. The tower he spoke about was huge, a white solid pillar that rose above the cloud shroud of the pegasi. I recognized that immediately, "How could I never notice you're living right next to a Farm Tower?!"
"A what?" Both were pretty confused with what I said. I guessed it was because they've never seen through the shroud.
"Look, these towers are built everywhere, and the pegasi grows food around them, on the clouds." Sadly, I couldn't remember much else. "My mother used to call them that, and it kind of stuck. They're great point of reference for merchants, to know exactly where we're going."
"The pegasi? Holy cow, I never thought I'd hear that fucking name again." Stunner muttered. He noticed the way we looked at him and sighed, continuing. "Looks like it's time for a little exposition. I hate this shit."
"There used to be a lot of pegasi around these parts, y'know, two centuries ago. A little after the formation of the ministries, they've brought a fuck ton of ponies to this middle of nowhere and built a fucking tower. I was in that middle, though I couldn't get even close of that shit. Nopony answered our questions about what the towers were for, or what the Ministry of Awesome was supposed to fucking do."
I recalled a little bit about the Ministry of Awesome, exactly because they seemed to do nothing.
"I was one of the builders of the city from where your 'tribe' fucking kicked me out," he stared aggressively at Bonelord, who just shrugged, "and my job was to carry the heavy load for those wimpy bastards, alongside some other earth ponies and a huge carriage. Not two weeks went by after they'd finished the tower and the carriage was completely abandoned at its base.
"Over the course of weeks, and then months, they started discarding every piece of non-functional prototypes around that fucking tower, littering its surroundings with a huge pile of scrap metal. When they finally developed a functional airplane, they completely forgot about us. Since then, I've only saw one pegasus, which I'm sure you've seen her too."
I knew he was talking about Ditzy Doo, one of the most experienced merchants in the Wasteland. Still, she never let her fame surpass her humility, always helping settlements in need, sometimes with discounts, others giving away food and medicine. Because of that, sadly, she was one of the most sought ponies everywhere. A few decades back, some raiders captured her and cut off her tongue. Suddenly, I remembered something that bothered me.
"Bonelord, why did you ban Ditzy Doo?! Do you have any idea of how much she'd help us?"
I think that got him by surprise. "My predecessor did it, not me," he answered quickly, a little bit offended. "And she's not very fond of raiders."
That was something I had to agree with, but not completely. "You don't act like a raider."
"And this is one of the reasons I decided to listen to you, but that's not the time- Look, there's the entrance."
We were really close of another entrance into the scrap metal maze in the boneyard. It looked like a metallic cave, with rusty walls forming corridors, our steps echoing on the steel floor and our breath the only sound beyond that. I never thought a place like that would be so silent, only being interrupted by the sound of hoof against metal.
As we walked, a characteristic smell approached our nostrils, something I couldn't describe without using 'radiation' and 'death'. I sincerely hoped that this place wasn't actually contaminated, as the only one who would benefit of it would be Stunner. What worried me is that, with such closed environment, it was actually possible.
"We're finally getting to the center, don't make a fucking noise," Stunner whispered to both of us. I looked at Bonelord, with a huge metal armor, and we both shrugged. What would happen if we startled a bunch of chickens, anyway? They'd peck at us?
That's when I saw a dash of light at the end of the corridor. We walked around some crates and piles of rubble to where the sun shone. The chamber was bigger than I thought, between many other discarded vehicles.
"Look, it's close to the fucking carriage, the eggs are inside it," Stunner whispered again, as quiet as he could, pointing to the carriage's back. I could barely see them, the white spheres, calmly waiting for us. While we approached sneakily, the metal floor we were used to was replaced by fluffy dirt, back from before the war. I could hear breathing, though I couldn't see from where.
Each step closer was increasingly terrifying, as if eyes everywhere were staring us, observing every movement, felling every small drop of fear on us. I felt all my muscles lock when something touched me between my wings. I was completely paralyzed, and my sudden stop got both of their attention. "It's right behind me, r-right?"
They nodded. I gulped. Slowly, my face turned to the chicken who apparently pecked me from above. I immediately regretted it, as my first reaction was to scream something completely incoherent, startling both my allies and the fucking huge chicken that pecked me. It could easily swallow one of us alive, more than thirteen feet high and just as large. "Gah, fuck!" I rolled to my left, the huge chicken's beak close enough to mess up my feathers.
As the sneak approach went to hell, Bonelord tackled his enemy, as I seriously questioned his mental health. The chicken couldn't break his armor in one shot, though it hit him as he jumped at it, trying to kick its face. I reached for the revolver under my wing, just to wave my talon through the air as I remembered, again that I was unarmed.
"To hell with this, I'm tired of this fuckin' chicken!" Stunner bit under his neck, pulling a sawed-off shotgun from under himself - only a madpony like him would maintain a loaded shotgun pointing to his crotch - and ran against the chicken. It cackled and tackled him, throwing both him and Bonelord against a wall with a quick snap of its neck.
I scrambled through the walls, trying to find anything that I could use as a makeshift weapon to no avail, as I felt the chicken's eyes focusing on me again. It opened its wings and rushed at me. In that situation, I did the only thing a sane pony wouldn't do, diving between its legs, luckily not getting trampled. The chicken couldn't stop in time, hitting its head against the scrap metal wall and getting its beak stuck. When I got up, a metal bar that got loose with the attack rolled on my paws.
Stunner got up, angrily swearing against the chicken, and climbed one of the carcasses. From there, he could give it a good shot, if he wasn't using such a inaccurate weapon. "Fuck, I need to get closer!"
I picked up the metal bar as fast as I could and rushed against the chicken, which freed itself and hit me with one of its wings, throwing me against the carcass Stunner stood on. I screamed of pain when I felt my wing pull again, immobilizing me after the recurring injury.
I didn't even notice when Bonelord sneaked behind our giant enemy and gave it a kick behind both legs, drawing a roaring cackle from its beak and forcing it to move forward, where I stood and Stunner waited. With a maniac grin, the ghoul threw himself on the animal's back. Startled, it ran in circles while beating its wings and cackling, a cacophony that lost itself as quickly as Stunner could point the sawed-off to its back and pull the trigger.
I tried to get up, forcing my body against the agony I felt on my wing, a ghoul being tossed like a ragdoll from above the chicken's torso when it finally reached him with its beak. The shot had hurt it, but it wasn't enough to incapacitate. I had to do something, and fast.
Bonelord again gave his battle cry and tackled the chicken, pulling a knife from his foreleg and jumping under its wing. I could hear his attacks' effect through the chicken's cries, opening and closing its wings as quickly as it could to pull the hulking mass of pony out of there.
I dragged myself above the pile of rubble, a tear rolling from my left eye. Reaching its summit, I took a huge chunk of metal from the bar's tip, cutting my talon in the process as I didn't have an actual support to cut it as I did against Bonelord. Still, I ignored the pain.
I took a deep breath, holding the makeshift spear in both talons, blood dripping from the metal bar. The chicken was running tired, with its wounds exhausting it. Stunner was getting up, Bonelord finally was pulled from the chicken's ribs, his face covered in blood and knife still in mouth, smiling exactly like I would expect from a raider.
I amassed as much strength as I could muster, and yelled, "Look up, featherbrains!"
I took the leap, my wings open behind me. Spear in my hand, my face showing my determination, my eyes burning in rage. I had to withstand the pain. A wing beat, as I felt my wing would rip apart, and I closed the distance between us.
I drove my spear as far as I could into its neck, using my own body as leverage to make the chicken fall. Blood leaked from the wound, staining my fur and my feathers. It dropped slowly, a huge mass succumbing to its own weight. As it hit the ground, the spear was pushed back, and I could easily retrieve it. Again, I grabbed it with both my talons, pulling it. My blood flowed on the shaft, mixing with the chicken's. I leapt again, driving the spearhead far into it's temple, giving it a twist.
Slowly, the chicken stopped bleeding and twitching, and I was completely exhausted.
"Bird of prey, once again you've proven your worth against this mighty enemy!" Bonelord trotted to the chicken's body, where I stood, shaking. I actually felt cold in there, I don't know if it was because of the blood that drenched my clothes and feathers, or because of the pain I've felt.
I tried my best to speak, though the words were nearly inaudible, "Just take the fucking eggs and take me back..."
And, standing there, with spear in talons, I blacked out.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Flammenwerfer · 269k words · 1,603 57 · 30k views
- Snake Staff · 37k words · 631 30 · 7.2k views
- Erised the ink-moth · 153k words · 554 26 · 7.6k views
- Infinite Carnage · 81k words · 194 7 · 2.7k views
- Jashin · 28k words · 175 6 · 5.1k views
- Xomniac · 205k words · 1,743 151 · 24k views
- DirtyBlue929 · 14k words · 98 3 · 2.4k views
- a friendly hobo · 223k words · 391 30 · 6.9k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.148 seconds
Total duration
594 users online
1,316,269 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
wow, you update fast
ah, giant chickens, one of the many dangers of the wasteland
now onto my corrections:
it's 'I'd' not 'I've' as 'have' is present tense not past like 'had', more subtleties of the english language
I think you meant 'I actually had a point', instead of 'I actually got a point'
think this should be 'state' as that's another word for health, and is often used in these situations
same 'have' vs 'had' mix up as above
first, 'thought' should be 'though', subtle difference, and second 'was' should be 'were' as it's past vs. present tense again
this should be 'would' if you mean this in past tense, not sure if you meant it that way (have another good grammar site: First, Second, & Third Conditional)
again, 'have' vs 'had'
you only use 'do' if you're asking a question.
pretty sure you mean 'this', because it's close at hand or would that be hoof?
This is a rather awkward sentence, do you mean 'We lived with ten more ponies before the attack'?
objects with no gender use 'it' as their pronoun, now because it's possessive it's 'its', 'it's' is a contraction of 'it' and 'is', in case you didn't know
this could be rephrased to 'sparkle of magic', because the sparkle is a property of the magic, not the other way round
don't think you need to capitalize 'said' because isn't it tying into the dialogue?
'on' instead of 'at'
'in' should be 'around'
you could drop the 'that', but that's up to you
'to the' are unnecessary
'would not' could be shortened to 'wouldn't'
'have' vs. 'had' again
the proper word is 'cracking'
pick a tense and stick with it, if you're using present drop the 'was', if it's past drop the ''s' and add another 'was' after 'there'. You've been switching between past and present tense throughout the story, pick one and stick with it, if the story's a retelling sometime in the future, use past, if it's a running narration, use present, just pick one and stick with it, and please tell me which one it is, because I can properly correct stuff then
you probably should switch the 'just' and the 'drop', this one is extremely subtle, I had to enlist outside help for this one, and even they weren't quite sure
I think you might need a comma after 'outside'
should be 'falling'
should be 'in'
I don't think you need a capital 'A' in 'and', 'behind' could become 'towards', though you could rephrase the entire segment to 'she responded as she darted towards them', or something similar.
should be 'headquarters'
of what?
should be 'went', 'got' is for objects, 'went' is for places, the only time you use 'got' with a place is when it's your destination and your comparing the time of two things (e.g. I got to the house before my brother did.)
wait, isn't she a unicorn? couldn't she have used her magic to float it up?
if the story's in present tense it should be 'began trotting' or if it's in past it should be 'trotted'
'on' vs 'in', here's the definition of 'on' and here's the definition of 'in', if you need further clarification just ask, as both have some rather abstract usages
pretty sure no matter the tense of the story, this should be 'fell', but it's definitely 'fell' if it's past
pretty sure this should be rephrased to say 'his telekinesis', though both could work
'own' is unnecessary
this should be rephrased to 'bringing/moving my beak close to his ear'
'at' should be 'on', here's the definition of 'at'
'what' should be 'which'
this could be corrected to 'don't', though I'm not sure (If I interpreted my research correctly, 'don't' can be used as an imperative (e.g. 'Don't do that!') while 'can't' is an absolute (e.g. I can't open the door because it's locked.'), so you if you say 'can't', you're saying that Rufus will never be able to comprehend the reason, while saying 'don't' simply means he doesn't understand)
add 'side' to the end of 'along'
add 'where' after 'tower'
it should be spelled 'especially'
same problem as above
wait, was Rufus born above the clouds? because I doubt he has connections with the Enclave if he was born on the suface, or is this a metaphor for something I'm not getting?
um, the war had been going on for about 10 years prior to the formation of the ministries, though it was little more then border skirmishes before the tragedy at Littlehorn, after Littlehorn, Celestia handed over power to Luna, then Luna formed the ministries to run Equestria as the nation shifted into a war economy, then the razing of Hoofington coupled with the 'attack' at Littlehorn justified the switch to a 'total war' approach for Equestria. (I apologize if you knew everything in that little info-dump, and this was a purposeful mistake) (also, in case you didn't know, I do subscribe to Project Horizons's pseudo-canon, so do tell me when your working from the original FO:E's canon, as I just assume every new FO:E fic subscribes to PH's pseudo-canon)
you could add on 'one it was' just to make it flow better, but that's up to you.
what do you mean here? if you mean he can't remember which buildings were the ministries' then you should drop the 'ones' and put in 'buildings' just to make it clearer, but if you mean he can't remember the actual ministries then you should say something along the lines of 'I couldn't even remember what the names of the ministries were.' or 'I couldn't remember what each ministry did.' depending on which one it is.
So he has been above the cloud barrier, I wonder how he did that because normally the Enclave sends a strike force to kill/shoot down/capture any kind of unauthorized flier who goes through the barrier.
'where' and 'exactly' should be flipped
should be changed to 'that'
I think you're missing a quotation mark at the end there
should be re-phrased to something along the lines of 'what the Ministry of Awesome was supposed to fucking do' or 'what the fucking Ministry of Awesome was supposed to do.'
'have' vs 'had' again
wait, was this after the bombs fell? because the SPP towers were completed before the bombs fell, so I'm pretty sure Stunner would've seen at least a couple more peagsi after the tower was completed, because the peagsi only closed the sky right after the bombs fell to protect themselves from the radiation
I'm pretty sure you can just use 'it' here
I think you accidentally pressed the '0' and not the 'o' key by mistake, do you even re-read your work before posting it? it would help to catch small obvious errors like this one
also you could add 'shotgun', right after 'sawed-off' as some readers might not immediately know it's a shotgun
'talons' not 'hands'
final points
well, it seems you traded one set of grammar errors for another, well at least it looks like you're learning
I'm patiently waiting for the shit to hit the fan and everything to go to hell for Rufus, because so far everything has been going pretty good for him, injuries non-withstanding...
now to wait for the next chapter
1951863 Again, thanks for everything. I try to learn with what I miss, though it's difficult. The "sawed-0ff" was a sincere mistake, as I didn't even notice I'd missed the key, sure that I had written it correctly.
About the inconsistencies on Rufus' story, it's actually purposeful, as these kind of memories can change themselves over time, if he doesn't remember them constantly. It's something that really happens, for example, when someone's trying to recall their childhood.
Fetlockville was planned during the skirmishes, but it was put into motion by the ministries. The city's unfinished, only its core completely built by the time of the end of the world.
Stunner actually saw a lot more pegasi after the SPP tower was completed, as they'd used its surroundings as an airplane cemetery. The only pegasus that he remembers (and that was actually meaningful to him, as there wasn't any interaction with the pegasi soldiers discarding the airplanes) after that was Ditzy, though.
And it'll take a little while for the shit to hit the fan, but you can expect it to happen when he goes to Fetlockville, little after Razor's Edge is established.
1952477 I don't doubt that it was a sincere mistake, but that's why you re-read what you've written, in order to catch those small errors, it's a form of self-editing.
hmm, well that makes sense, I do hope we'll get to learn the truth.
remember that bombs fell around seven years after the ministries were formed, so it was being planned/built for 8+ years, that sounds like enough time to throw up a good sized city especially if you cut some corners (but then again everything built during the war seemed to have been over-engineered), even during wartime, remember that Brazil started using BrasÃlia as it's capitol in just under four years of building (are you Brazilian?) and had a population of 140,000 at that time, so depending on how many resources they put into building it, especially if it was mostly hotels/casinos and restaurants for visitors
well, that makes sense.
yeah, your pacing is a rather slow in comparison with some other FO:E stories, but it's a nice change of pace.
you never answered my question about which tense the story is in, it would let me do further corrections, and make the flow better