i....i think im tearing up

Ok, I'm still confused. Do they have hooves or hands? Great story, very cute.

1951920 Hooves for feet, hands for hands.

Very lovley, and beautiful. Plus he kicked a*s.

This, this is fucking epic, I think you are awesome my friend.

Fighting aginst all those guys I was thinking about this theme since it's during winter and everything:

1962753hellsing reference ftw

Finally they kissed or should i say we kissed

The battle could have gone on a bit long, don't want to make him impossible to defeat and I'm thinking that the Gods are either look out for him or don't care much about him

It was really nice chapter, although fight could go a bit longer, and he/me could drop some reminder of carnivorous heritage of human species before the main action. Just for shit 'n giggles, not that he/me would actually eat them.

Fuck yeah!!!!!

imgace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/he-did-it.jpg

2379230 Someone got out of the Friend-Zone?! Why didn't I hear about this!!? I need this guy's number, I need tips!!

Well, this certainly isn't me. Leaving survivors?! Not horribly disfiguring and mutilating them for touching that which is mine?! Yeah... not me at all...

dude who am 'I'? Bruce Lee? I love this story. This has to be one of my favorite Derpy fics. Good job

“ I’ll defiantly ask her afterwards, defiantly.”

Okay, are you fucking kidding me. Missing quotations, fine. Not using "apostrophe words", *facepalm* But this, WTF!?!?

2592405 Actually, humans are capable of superhuman feats under periods of anger, fear or great stress. Those stories about humans lifting or flipping vehicles by oneself? Totally true. We're capable of amazing feats, so you don't have to be Bruce Lee to beat the crap out of bullies. The protagonist probably received an adrenaline boost of the anger and fear caused by the situation, which enhanced temporarily his strength and reaction time. I'm kinda surprised there wasn't more brutality on the protagonist's part to be honest. If it were my girl they were going after, they wouldn't even resemble their appearance after I beat their asses.

2850429 Somehow I read that last part, as that they would have to "Reassemble their heads after I shoved it up their asses"...

...

Chapter four… we’re on a date… *gulp*

… “putting it on your” – ‘on’ should be ‘in’.
… “and head to Her house” – ‘head’ should be ‘heading’, and ‘Her’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “take you to long” – ‘to’ should be ‘too’.
… “You wonder what would of happened if you had kissed her, how would she of reacted? Would she pull away in confusion? Alternatively, would she have kissed you back?” – As said several times, the Narrator can’t ask questions like this! Make them thoughts of the protagonist.
… “in her heart but” – Place a comma between ‘heart’ and ‘but’.
… “was it a close friendship or something more.” – This should have a question mark at the end, not a period, meaning it also shouldn’t be said by the narrator.
… ““ I’ll defiantly ask her afterwards, defiantly.”” – Remove the space after the first quotation mark. Also, ‘defiantly’ should be ‘definitely’, both times.
… “see a Stallion looking at you” – ‘Stallion’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “The Stallion said as” – See above.
… “break free of the Stallion” – See above.
… “human.” The Stallion says.” – See above.
… “shut up wall eyes!”” – Place a comma between ‘up’ and ‘wall’, and place a hyphen between ‘wall’ and ‘eyes’.
… “one of the other Stallions” – ‘Stallions’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “The Stallion laughs as” – ‘Stallion’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “as he triys the door” – ‘triys’ should be ‘tries’.
… “The third Stallion states.” – ‘Stallion’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “we are wreaking the” – ‘wreaking’ should be ‘wrecking’.
… “the freaks house?”” – Singular-possessive: ‘freaks’ should be ‘freak’s’.
… “house?” He laughs” – Place a period after ‘laughs’.
… “The Stallion laughs and walks” – ‘Stallion’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “at eye level” – Place a hyphen between ‘eye’ and ‘level’.
… “with her hoofs” – ‘hoofs’ should be ‘hooves’.
… “the Stallion gets up” – ‘Stallion’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “that, wall eyes.”” – Place a hyphen between ‘wall’ and ‘eyes’.
… “The Stallion says in a” – ‘Stallion’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “The other two Stallion” – See above. Also, ‘Stallion’ should be pluralized.
… “what that Stallion said to you” – ‘Stallion’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “in a choke hold” – ‘choke’ and ‘hold’ should be one word: ‘chokehold’.
… “they are now” – Place a comma between ‘are’ and ‘now’.
… “her to long ago” – ‘to’ should be ‘too’.
… “said through gasps” – Place a period after ‘gasps’.
… ““You let him go and took off towards your house as fast as you could.”” – Remove the quotation marks.
… “taking Derpy’s cloths off” – ‘cloths’ should be ‘clothes’.
… “so long I ended having” – ‘up’ should be placed between ‘ended’ and ‘having’.
… “side step and after” – ‘side’ and ‘step’ should be one word: ‘sidestep’.
… “The Stallion growled” – ‘Stallion’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “You’re pants are still” – ‘You’re’ should be ‘Your’.
… ““She looks down” – Remove the quotation mark.
… “The two Stallions” – ‘Stallions’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “notice there friend” – ‘there’ should be ‘their’.
… “the other Stallion and carried” – ‘Stallion’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “Coming from direction” – Place ‘the’ between ‘from’ and ‘direction’.
… “looks her over.”” – Remove the quotation mark after the period.
… “damaged, It” – ‘It’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “to the authority’s.”” – ‘authority’s’ should be ‘authorities’.
… “to you worried father” – ‘you’ should be ‘her’.
… “remarkable young Stal-err” – ‘Stal’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “he is….”She” – Place a space between the quotation mark and ‘She’.
… “as he wraps your” – ‘he’ should be ‘she’.
… “at his daughter” – ‘daughter’ should be ‘daughter’s’.
… “actons. “You know” – ‘actons’ should be ‘actions’.
… “kindness
But I” – Place a period after ‘kindness’, or don’t capitalize ‘But’.
… “need
To tell” – ‘To’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
… “well.
it ate” – ‘it’ should be capitalized.
… “to but had” – Remove one of the two spaces between ‘but’ and ‘had’.
… “all planed out” – ‘planed’ should be ‘planned’.
… “the cold so don’t” – Replace ‘so’ with a comma after ‘cold’.
… “Taking a deep sigh” – ‘sigh’ should be ‘breath’.
… “finally say and throwing” – Remove ‘and’, and place a comma after ‘say’.
… “I love you to.” – ‘to’ should be ‘too’.
… ““ I will” – Remove the space between the quotation mark and ‘I’.

… I took a punch to the face just to show the bully how weak he was… that’s actually pretty funny. I mean really, taking a STRAIGHT PUNCH TO THE FACE without flinching? Wow… Talk about showing off in front of Derpy. “This is how much I love you. *PUNCHTOTHEFACE* *No reaction*” “I’M INVINCIBLE!”

I felt like the fighting could’ve been fleshed out a bit more, ESPECIALLY with how it ended with a straight-kick. I mean, really? I would’ve bicycle-kicked him in the head after what he said he did to Derpy… Or at least hit him with an RKO; nopony ever expects the RKO.
Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion, Stallion…
STOP CAPITALIZING IT!!!

You DID fail to capitalize it once, thankfully, but jeez did this get annoying later on, when you would mention them repeatedly due to the scene requiring their presence. Speaking of presence, you took quite a few liberties when it came to what people would do. I mean, a chokehold? I’d buy the notion of using one stallion’s momentum to slam his head into the wall, but a chokehold from behind is pretty difficult for most people to pull off.

The stuff the protagonist couldn’t control (where the stallions went, what happened when he wasn’t around) was fantastic. It brought wonderful buildup to the scenes that were being built, from the fights to the “gift discovery”. It seemed somewhat systematic, as if, everything falling into place conveniently, but if there’s one thing I would’ve done, it’s that I would’ve told the father about my concerns of Derpy being with me, if I’m going to continue developing enemies who might try “using” her like they almost did, leaving the decision up to him.

Regardless, an excellent chapter… and only one chapter remains.

D'aaaaaawwwwwwww I love reading Good stories over again

“Whenever you’re found out you’re going to regret it because he will come and save me!” She says while struggling some more.

AAARRRRGH!!! ANDROID TEXT!!!!!!! Don't worry, that comes with practice but let's inject a little bit of 'humanity' into the speech so it doesn't look like something Microsoft Sam would come up with.

2894937

only one chapter remains

Huehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehue

3260693 One chapter, in the back room, y'pay to get in, you can look but don't touch, there's a window to guard it from any 'accidents' one might have while reading it... or considering the nature of the story, 'on purposes'.

i don't seem to recall being such a badass

3380982

The joys of fiction. You are who you wanna be! Also, that's a very cute avatar.

It would have been hilariously if they started making out and the stallion punched him

I’ll defiantly ask her afterwards, defiantly.

definitely

One word for this chapter... AWESOME

4026047 Thats kinda dickish, don't ya think?

1962753
Hellsing Ultimate! Alucard for the win!

That lead bully is a Class S definition of a dumbass.

“ I’ll defiantly ask her afterwards, defiantly. ” You thought to yourself as you resume watching the play.

Definitely.