99 Red Balloons

by lolcatsmanseven

99 Red Balloons go by

“So, what do you think?” Spike said as he gestured to the 99 red balloons he had purchased earlier that morning; which were surrounding him and Rarity in a small meadow a fair distance from Ponyville. “Each balloon symbolizes a lifetime I will love you for.” After a moment, he seemed to realize how cheesy he was sounding, and he smiled self-consciously as he looked down at his shuffling feet.

Rarity looked at the baby dragon, and then at his grand gesture hovering above them, connected to the ground only by a single peg. She smiled at him, but her eyes held a hint of sadness. “My dear Spikey-wikey, I can’t tell you how much this means to me.” At this Spike finally found the courage to make eye contact, and he smiled hesitantly. Though he was happy to hear her say that, he felt there was going to be a ‘but’ coming. He was right.

“But you must know by now that I don’t think of you that way.” Spike lowered his eyes; he had known, on some level, that this was coming. “Honestly darling, I do love you in a way, but as a younger sibling.” He let out a small breath that he had held since he heard her say the word ‘love.’ His head fully lowered, and his small shoulders slumped.

Seeing this, and not sure of how to respond but sure she needed to, Rarity stepped closer to the downcast baby dragon. Tentatively, she reached out, and rested her right fore hoof on his shoulder. Attempting to comfort him, she said, “Spike, I know you think you love me, but I think you should take some time to look into yourself. You’re still young, you don’t really know what your feeling.”

Lowering her head, Rarity attempted to make eye contact with Spike. However, he willfully avoided her pleading gaze, instead seeming to be entranced with the impressions his feet were making in the grass. After several moments during which neither of them moved except for the rising and falling of their chests, Rarity took a deep breath, and turned around.

As she began to walk away, she called out over her shoulder. “Darling, come and see me when you’ve got yourself figured out. Of course, if you decide you don’t like me at all, I understand.” She walked down the small path just minutes earlier, an excited but nervous Spike had led her down, telling her there was a surprise there waiting just for her.

Back in the meadow, Spike sat down heavily. After a moment, he fell onto his back, looking blankly up at the balloons that-supposedly-symbolized his dedication to Rarity. He stopped and sighed, and then he wondered why.

Was it because he didn’t really love Rariy? That he had just admired her, or liked her? Or some other simple emotion that in his immaturity he had mistaken for love? Or worse, was it that he had simply had a crush on her for her appearance? That all his declarations of a romantic love were just illusions he had ascribed to a simple desire? Or was it because he truly did love Rarity, and she had just turned him down in the clearest manner possible?

As Spike puzzled over the possible reasons for his collapse, both emotional and physical, his hand absently began to play with the strings holding the balloons down. He thought of how he thought of Rarity, and after an indeterminate amount of time, he decided he simply had been physically attracted to Rarity, and in his inexperience had ascribed emotions to her that hadn’t existed. As if to symbolize his revelation, or maybe in an effort to convince himself of it, he took his thumb, and quickly drew his claw across the strings.

As if possessed by some great desire to flee the emotionally disturbed dragon, the balloons rose as one, and carried by the wind, fled south. Spike could not have cared less about the balloons. Despite his self-assurance just moments ago, he was again consumed with doubt. Aside from releasing the balloons, he hadn’t made a single move since Rarity had left him. And he wouldn’t move for a while more, as he contemplated.

“What is this?”

Senica tensed as multiple shapes began quickly entering her sensing sphere. Her special talent was in long range sensing, and to that end she had quickly found herself in the employ of the Zebrican Hegemony sensing the contested border with Equestria. As of late, the Royal Equestrian Army had been acting more aggressive than ever, and had been staging drills as close to the border as they thought they could get away with. They had been met with the I and III regiments of the United Zebrican Militia, who were waiting just inside their territory.

Relations had been extremely tense, but there had been no overt threats. Until now. Her eyes widening, Senica sensed as nearly a hundred objects entered Zebrican airspace from Equestria. Internally panicking, but attempting to maintain a calm façade, she quickly stood, and rushed to her superiors office. Her hooves pounded his door, and when she didn’t hear a response, she slammed it open.

She was greeted with the sight of her superior officer just waking up from what appeared to be a nap; the drool on his desk supported that thought.

Shaking his head, he growled out, “Senica, what the hay is the meaning of this? Don’t you know that-”

She interrupted him with, “Sir, I’ve detected multiple signatures heading into Zebrica from Equestria.” After her statement, she noticed her posture, and immediately stood at attention.

The anger on her superior’s face evaporated, and he leaned back heavily in his chair. It squeaked indignantly. He turned, and looked out his window at the skyline of the bustling city of Zebrahara. He knew that if Senica was correct, this might all be gone soon. After a moment of him thinking about his son’s upcoming fifth birthday that he would never get to celebrate, he turned back to Senica.

He leaned onto his desk, and said, “Call a meeting of the Four Hooves. Tell them that I ordered it instantly, and they better damn get here!” Without waiting for her response, he turned in his chair and said, “Dismissed.”

“I’m telling you it must be the mega-spells Equestria has been stockpiling!” Roared the Minister of Zebrican Defense.

“Equestria wouldn’t dare attack us!” Shouted the Minister of Agriculture and Commerce. “They know we match them spell for spell, soldier for soldier.”

“Yes, but they believe their princesses can protect them from whatever we throw at them!” Chided the Minister of Intelligence, Senica’s superior.

“It’s mathematics!” Said the Minister of Agriculture and Commerce, “Even if they stop 99% of the mega-spells, we still have enough to destroy every one of their population centers.”

The arguing ministers stopped at the sound of a clearing throat. They turned as one to the head of the table, where the Prime Minister of the Zebrican Hegemony sat. “Listen up. What we do know is that nearly one hundred somethings were fired by Equestria at us. They will reach us soon. We must make our decision now. That is why we must give Equestria everything we’ve got.”

The assembled ministers were silent.

The Prime Minister reclined in his seat, as he gazed impassively at his compatriots. “Gentlecolts, Zebrica is about to die. Right now, the only thing we can do is make sure that Equestria doesn’t get away with this. We must fire our mega-spells.”

As the implications of his speech set in amongst the ministers, he leaned forward, and closed his eyes. As the Intelligence Minister gave the access codes to the Defense Minister, who then gave his orders to his aid, the a single tear rolled down the side of the Prime Minister’s face. He stood up and said, “I suggest each of you say goodbye to your families. I know that is what I will be doing for the next 45 minutes.”

“Guess what boys? Word just came down. The Zebricans lost their tiny little minds, and have launched their mega-spells at us. So, we are going to return fire before they destroy our launch facilities. Do I make myself clear?” Said Shining Armor, with deceptive tranquility. Inside, he fully recognized the implications, but he maintained his calm exterior.

As murmuring about his announcement began to take root in the assembled officers of the Royal Equestrian Army, Shining Armor realized he needed to re-establish control. “Just remember: this is what we’ve been waiting for. This is it boys, this is war. I had the princess on the line, and this is it.”

Across the continent, the war machines of two vastly different countries sprang to life, and opened up their eager eyes. They focused on the sky, as 99 red balloons floated by. 99 red balloons that had been purchased as an act of love, that now served to end it.

Spike sat, still wrestling with himself over his true feelings, even though it had been many hours since Rarity had left him. He sighed again, an action that had been repeated many times throughout the day. His stomach rumbled, but he felt no need to satisfy its repeated requests. Suddenly, he noticed he could hear a faint buzzing. It would not have bothered him, except that it was getting noticeably louder, almost as if whatever was causing it was getting closer. The noise quickly reached a crescendo, before a blinding white light filled the air, and Spike felt no more.

Comments

[Jack Kellar]

1848233 Need a mod here!

[oaxaca]

Nice story, really well written, tho the war part seems forced.

[Fimbulvinter]

Well that was, Interesting.

It was added to the investigations folder so you know that that means
Review Time!

Plot
This entire story was basically acting out the plot of the 1984 German classic '99 luftballons' by Nena, or at least its english translation '99 red balloons' and as such it is an allegory for the military insanity that plauged the cold war. You did well in mixing in enough either straight rips from the lyrics or slightly paraphrased ones that readers familar with the song would be able to recognise them quickly while not interupting the actual flow of the story,

The reactions for the Zerba Hegemony seem insane unless you do compare them to the the pananoid militaries of the US during the 70's. The way that you described the Equestrians puts them as the USSR in my mind

Even still though, launching a full mega spell strike based on a conjecture does seem very hard to believe

“Listen up. What we do know is that nearly one hundred somethings were fired by Equestria at us. They will reach us soon. We must make our decision now. That is why we must give Equestria everything we’ve got.”

The Zebras know that something is comming but don't dispatch any kind of recon to check what it is. This seems very odd, especially as you make explicit mention of having a zebra who specialises in long range detections. If the border was as contested as you mention it is, both sides would have watch posts all along it.
Going directly to the last resort as a first response seems like total overkill. Surely the Zebras would make at least one attempt at communication before launching a supposed retaliation strike.

“Equestria wouldn’t dare attack us!” Shouted the Minister of Agriculture and Commerce. “They know we match them spell for spell, soldier for soldier.”

“Yes, but they believe their princesses can protect them from whatever we throw at them!” Chided the Minister of Intelligence, Senica’s superior.

“It’s mathematics!” Said the Minister of Agriculture and Commerce, “Even if they stop 99% of the mega-spells, we still have enough to destroy every one of their population centers.”

The M.A.D. Principle at its finest. Because both sides in a conflict having the ability to obliterate the other always makes everything so much safer. The last comment also is an interesting one - that even with 99% stoppage, they have enough to destroy all of Equestrias population. During the height of the cold war, America supposedly had enough nuclear weapons to obliterate all life on the planet 5 times over, meaning that they had 4 times the weapons they could actually ever use.

It would have been nice if you gave the introduction a bit more grounding in the tensions between Equestria and Zebraca. As it stands it starts off as a story between Spike and Rarity which shifts a bit clumsily into a tale of two superpowers trying to destroy each other. Maybe begin the story as such

Political tensions between Equestria and its neighbour state of Zebraca were at an all time high. Both states accused the other one of stockpiling mega-spells capable of untold destruction and had been making overt shows of military strength in an effort to intimidate the other. Diplomatic talks between the leaders were failing and the threat of total war loomed. This did not matter to one baby dragon however. All that was on his mind was his latest attempt to show the mare of his dreams just how much her loved her.

“So, what do you think?” Spike said as he gestured to the 99 red balloons he had purchased earlier that morning; which were surrounding him and Rarity in a small meadow a fair distance from Ponyville. “Each balloon symbolizes a lifetime I will love you for.” After a moment, he seemed to realize how cheesy he was sounding, and he smiled self-consciously as he looked down at his shuffling feet.

It is just a quick point at the start, but gives the reader a sense of the political madness of the time and makes the insane actions later a bit more understandable.

Characters
Poor Spike. He didn't just get friend zoned, he got bro zoned, a fate even worse than the friend zone. I thought that the way you treated his relationship with Rarity was quite mature. Spike thinks that it is love, while the older Rarity can see it as a heavy crush and tries to stop it before it gets too far out of hand, which unwittingly brings about the apocalypse.

I was glad to see that Rarity was level headed throughout her section, giving Spike the respect that such a moment deserved and the advice to check if he really loved her before comming back to her. He last comment about how if Spike decides that he doesn't like her at all seems off. I don't see Spike ever not liking Rarity as she is not the one that has done anything wrong.

Overall there was not much character developement aside from Rarity and Spike. the Zebra's and Shining were clearly meant to be idealised versions of the military brass from the height of the cold war, so afraid that the other side is going to strike first that they are ready to pre-empt the preemptive strike. I understand that some parts of their characters would have been limited by the content of your source material

Grammar
Overall the grammar was quite good in this story. you made sure to have each new paragraph both seperate and indented, new speakers on new lines. All place and proper names were correctly capitalisedI can't fault you for much on this section, just one or two little things like spelling.

After a moment, he fell onto his back, looking blankly up at the balloons that-supposedly-symbolized his dedication to Rarity.

This does not need the hyphens between each word

Was it because he didn’t really love Rariy

Spelling mistake. should be Rarity

Aside from these, I would add in some kind of horizontal marker when the perspective changes, not just a slightly larger gap - makes the change more distinct and easier to see if you are jsut skimming through the story.

Overall verdict: Not a bad story. Could use a bit more initial information regarding the military aspects of the story for those who do not know either the song or the cold war period.

Recomendation: Double check spelling, maybe add in a expended intro. Good otherwise.

~ Fimbulvinter. Section Trainee for the Impartial Investigation Ensemble.