Lunar, completly lost and left alone when not even close to an adult. Without him knowing He will become the first hybrid discovered by Equestrians, with this descovery comes great pain for him.
The struggle of his life, his Chronicles.
The Chronicles of Lunaer
(sorry for anyone who is disapointed on this story or something)
WARNING:
- This is the character's story.
- There're spelling errors, I know that. I'm trying to get that fixed!
- Some chapters could have some clop but I'll make sure it says it in the title so nothing unexpected!
Chapters (1)
Ow. My eyes. The miles and miles of undifferentiated dialogue and actions. A story is not a chat transcript.
Seriously, though, this needs dialogue formatting, and actual paragraphs instead of individual lines of text. Google it for good examples, this will be 20% more readable with proper formatting.
Beyond basic structure, you appear to be writing the textbook Mary-Sue character, at least as far as I can tell from the absolutely minimal description involved.
I swear to the Divine Sovereign that I remember seeing this somewhere on this site before...
1778777
that's posible lol, I've reuploaded it, put all the 'chapters' into one. :)
1778610
explain..?
1778666
It's kinda difficult to get more description when you look from the eyes of a being that has almost no clue what everything is.. xD
Later it will get more though :)
thanks for your feedback anyway.
nvm what i said.
Pretty good but I agree with whiteout