A new pony in Ponyville

by Galatia

Galatia's First Arrival

After arriving on Earth, Galatia found out that the scenery looked oddly familiar to her own home, the moon of Saturn, Titan. Wondering how it's possible, but wondering more where she exactly was, since she had no geological understanding of the galaxy. She decides to look around and see if she can find anypony that might be living on this planet and sets off on her quest. Seeing the sights that look like her old home, she starts getting watery eyes and soon tears run down her cheeks, the thought of home and how she was unwanted there made her depressed..that is until she found a sight for sore eyes.

"It's..it's another pony!" Galatia said excitedly wondering if she should go talk to this new pony. A hot pink pony with a mane and tail to match, balloon cutie mark and cheerful attitude. She slowly started to step forward but then was shocked from the noise this new pony has made. "Ahhhhh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" said this new pony frantically. "You are new here! I know you are because I know everyone here and I don't know you so I know you are new!" As this pony kept going on and on frantically about knowing everyone but Galatia, she finally ended the conversation with a huge welcome hug "Welcome to Ponyville! See you soon!" then fled as quickly as she spoke.

"Well, that was quite the...odd experience." said Galatia to herself, knowing that she actually enjoyed the fact she was not neglected instantly. As she continued to walk closer to the town, something flew past her quicker then she ever expected! "What was that?!" she bleated while she looked onto one of the most elegant ponies she has ever seen. Sleek rainbow mane, rainbow thunder bolt cutie mark and a tail to match her mane and beautiful long spread wings. That is the second pony she has seen, though this time Galatia felt ignored and depressed again. Her emotions are mixed as of now after having such a wonderful greeting from the first pony. She hoped and prayed that she wouldn't be ignored much more, but knowing she's new here she knows it's understandable.

Galatia continues to walk a little slower then before, reaching the edge of the town she notices a most wonderful sight. Ponies everywhere she looks, young ponies, old ponies, mid age ponies, ponies of all ages and sizes. She bleated with excitement and started galloping through town, unaware that someone was watching her, but whom? People looking at this new pony galloping through Ponyville seemingly without a care in the world, they wonder who she is, but they have the courage to meet a strange pony. Continuing her excited galloping, she comes across what she determines to be an oddly shaped pony, small, purple with a stiff green mane and belly, longer tail then any other pony she's ever met and standing on his hind legs. She finds herself completely interested in this odd pony and trots over for a greeting. "Hello little fella, my name is Galatia." she started in a shy yet polite voice. "Hey there, mine's Spike, nice to meet you." he replied as kindly.

As Galatia started to blush, she politely asked "What kind of...pony..are you? I've never seen one like you before." standing there awaiting a reply she started thinking of how he got to be misshaped like that. Was it a birth defect? Was his parents doing things they shouldn't have? Was he not properly nourished? On and on thoughts raced through her head, which seemed like minutes was only seconds. "I'm no pony silly, I'm a baby dragon." he said with a confused look "Do you not know what dragons are?" he asked. As confused as Spike might be, Galatia answered "No, I've never heard of dragons before. In fact, I don't think any dragons existed where I am from." and with a shocked look on his face "No dragons existed? That's nonsense..dragons are all over the world!" without knowing where she is actually from. "You have got to come meet Twilight, she's always fond of meeting new people and teaching them about everything." Spike stated. "Well..I don't want to bother her if she's teaching..I would feel bad." Galatia replies with a sad expression. As Spike smiled "She isn't teaching now, she just teaches people new things as they come up, so no worries at all.". She felt reluctant to go along with him, but she thought what's the worst that can happen?

Galatia think that there won't be any problem and who knows, this could be the start of the end of her long journey through the galaxy, only time will tell and she now has all the time in the world. She prays this is going to be a good experience, she thinks to herself she is two of three good experiences, praying for a third good experience. As Spike leads the nervous pony to Twilight, he notices another pony who he seems to know quite well in fact, A blonde colored pony with . "Applejack!" Spike yells across the road "I've got someone you've got to meet." as Applejack takes notice. "Hey there sugarcube, what yall up to?" she asks. "Was just bringing this new pony over to see Twilight for a little learning, she didn't know about dragons" he replied. Blushing as red as Applejacks cutie mark, Galatia lowers her head and shyly says "H..hi, I am..Galatia, n..nice to meet...you." noticing her nervousness, Applejack states warmly "Shucks hon, you don' need to be shy around me, I'm all up fer meetin' new folks like yerself 'round here." and as she ended her statement, Galatia raised her head with a smile. "Thank..you." still nervous but not nearly as much as she was. As they all said there goodbyes, Spike and Galatia continue towards Twilight's library to meet her, still not expecting to much trouble but still fearing it. She tries to put that thought in the back of her head for now and just enjoy the scenery once again.

Still praying that these wonderful meetings with new ponies continues to happen as Spike and Galatia arrive at the library, to much shock to Galatia is just a huge tree. She begins to wonder, what awaits me inside, how nice is this Twilight, will I be a burden for coming here? She knows only one thing, the answers will come with time, who knows how long though.

Comments

[Kilroy Hance]

An amusing little read, i only hope she in not gone to Equestria to...

static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Destroy_13361c_799168.jpg

It needs a little work, making it longer might help, but I can't judge to much, still working on my first fic.

All in all, it didn't suck, so, thumbs up.

[Sagacity]

Sagacity here to provide some context!
The inevitable dislikes are because your OC is a multicolored neon alicorn with no backstory and entirely too many accessories for her own good. You see, readers deal with far too many of these overpowered characters who really don't fit into the world depicted by the original material. Tolerance is low for these sorts of creatures that seem awesome but completely break suspension of belief.
As for your writing — grammar is better than most, but you tend to use clichés ("sight for sore eyes") and show instead of telling ("Her emotions are mixed as of now"). The only place you could use more telling is in the story description. Readers want to know what they're getting into!
COMPLIMENT: Looks like you used spellcheck, which is certainly worth a compliment on this site.

[Galatia]

Kilroy, Sagacity, thanks for the comments. I do appreciate it and Saga, I do understand the concerns you pointed out, I can't state if she is going to be "overpowered" or not, I truly didn't even think of her powers yet, which if you read the Bio on my page, you'd understand how it is right now for me. This is my first time doing this..my friend just showed me to the site, showed me a pony maker on facebook, then my mind set off racing. But I will take your suggestions into consideration, thank you.

P.S. No spell check, everything spelled by memory, never though I was a great speller but I guess I proved myself wrong huh? Lol, thanks :)

[Shanenator]

Rule #1: Don't make an alicorn OC.
Rule #2: Do NOT make an alicorn OC.
That being said, don't expect anyone to like this. Sorry to break it to ya.

I have a half a mind to believe that all of these accounts are trolls....

[Galatia]

Why do people not like alicorn OC's?

EDIT: Also, I am not a troll..I just came to this site as I stated in my previous reply to comments..I just thought that someone might like it :(

[Art Inspired]

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Alicorn OC? You new ones never learn.
Please, if you're going to make an OC, make them a normal pony, not an alicorn.
You're just going to regret it later on.

[Whisper The Saint]

1749761

For many reasons. For example, alicorns are considerated an unique kind, so by making your OC an alicorn you are quickly putting him in a position of 'uniqueness' when compared with the rest of the cast.

Alicorns are also overpowered when compared to the other races: they can fly, they can use magic and they are probably strong as well. Having an alicorn quickly resolves many of the conflicts that a story could have.

Still, that doesn't mean that it's impossible to make a good alicorn OC. It means however that more often than not then end up being a mary sue. I hope this helps.

[Blurry Sights]

1749761 I suggest using objects as an OC, i don't know... it did well for my first fic and as for my second. Alicorns are god-like, there isn't much struggle if we know that you're OC would surely win. Using earth ponies would do quite well, pegasi are fine but try to take on restrains if you are going to use unicorns, magic is nearly infinite plus it ain't gonna explain stuff.

[Whisper The Saint]

1749761

Now looking better, your character is over the top as well. Having this color scheme, so many acessories and being an alicorn seems to shout "special" all over it. I don't really know if this was your objective or don't.

I won't lie: everyone wants to have a special character. However your character has to become special by her own deeds, through conflict and development. That is the main problem with mary sue characters: we don't see them earning their status as special, they just are.

Just something else to you also ponder about. Keep safe!

[SlyWit]

1749761
To understand this, you have to understand the dichotomy between the Reader and the Writer, and how when writing a story, they can want to vastly different things.

Now, the motivations for writing can be many, many varied, but I'll cover one particular kind of Writer for the purposes as to why alicorns are generally hated. This Writer writes for fantasy. She wants to revisit the world of FiM, spend time there, she craves the adventures, the escape, the pleasure of meeting the main cast. She likes to be special, unique. In her fantasy, she wants to be talented, beautiful, graceful, smart. She wants love, and friendship, and excitement but not necessarily conflict.

How does one make this vehicle character of grace, beauty, talent, etc, etc? Why, an alicorn, that's the best choice! An alicorn can fly, can cast spells, is tall, graceful, more special than any other pony! Why WOULDN'T the Writer choose an alicorn and do all the things she wants to do?

But the Reader doesn't want this, or at least, doesn't want it the same way. The Reader wants to be swept up in the experience. It needs to be tailored to this purpose. They demand that the Writer show them why they should care about the characters, show them why the world is cool, to take them on a rollercoaster via the plot, and the Writer has to do this all through pure subtlety. You can't say: "This is a nice pony. You should care about them." The Writer must show the pony being nice and let the Reader come to the conclusion that they should care.

Do you see the difference? Here it is: The Writer accepts that her fantasy is cool, the Reader asks why. If you do not answer why, and do it subtly, the Reader gets frustrated and finds the story boring.

"Okay," you ask. "What does this have to do with the alicorn? Can't I show them why the alicorn is worth caring about?"

Yes, you can. Theoretically. But the Reader is not a dumb cookie. They only have so much time in the day and they quickly figure out the Signs of this Writer. It's like being able to tell what a tiger is by the fact it has claws, stripes, and a craving for manflesh. The Signs of such a Writer include so much more often than not: an Original Character alicorn. Show the Reader an OC alicorn, and you'll have her running for the hills like she spotted a tiger.

i.imgur.com/xUdjO.jpg?1

[Dusky Flower]

1749761

So, either your character is a pegacorn- they have both wings and a horn, but can use only one or neither- that is something that might be interesting, but tricky to pull off.

Or they are a low-powered alicorn like Cadence- control over a specific aspect. This is dangerous territory, as they would still be about on par with the elements of harmony, uncombined. i.e, Pre-Nightmare Moon.

Or they are weakened, and have to get back their power somehow. Or can't.

Or- and this is a big or- the conflict is internal/with a similarly powerful being.

If none of these are true, then... well, it sounds like your character is either borderline or already a Mary Sue. Note that these can be saved, so it is not the end of the world.

And I do hope you pull this off. When done well, alicorns are very interesting to read about.

[cloudedguardian]

Well. I did read it.
It's not perfectly written, but at least she's not a Sue.
Unfortunately she's not a parody Sue, either, which is what I was hoping for. XD

So, keep trying, keep writing, and I'm sure you'll improve greatly.

[Galatia]

Again I read all the comments and I do thank you all for your advice and suggestions. I can safely say though, if you read my main page and read the bio, you'd understand more about Galatia, yes she is an alicorn, capable of flying and using magic, but strong like an earth pony might not be the case. She is also NOT very attuned with her magic, meaning she's got very limited abilities, way limited more then Twilight or Rarity. I will take these suggestions into major consideration, as well as possibly remove this story and remake Galatia..it seems like no one does want to hear about her..understood she's quite...accessorized, but I made her look through Pony Maker on Facebook and I enjoyed it..kind of suited her, minus the necklace and leg accessories of course..I could remove those..but that'll be for another time. As for now, I'll probably just do what I can to make people understand that she is not some overpowered alicorn, like Celestia and Luna..she's more or less and average pegasus with a very minor amount of magic, I'll throw that explanation into the story later on if I continue..but so far with more dislikes than likes, I think I'll just drop it off the world and restart something new..we will see..

Thanks again for the advice and suggestions, much appreciated :)

[Whisper The Saint]

1751234

You're welcome.