"So remind me exactly what we're doing in the middle of a military exclusion zone at night again?" Hammond's mood had remained at a low all day, as thoughts of his defaced Land Rover had never strayed far from his mind.
The three men were currently squatting in a ditch, some four miles from the site of the 'anomaly' as it had come to be known. Even at such a distance, the portal could be made out, a long line of light that rose into the sky on the horizon.
"The producers are going to drop off the cars that we chose here, after which we need to make our way through the portal and complete a set of challenges like any other road trip we've been on, but with more extra-terrestrial life forms that may want to eat our brains" Jeremy supplied helpfully.
"What I really want to know" said James "Is why, of all the places in the entire world, a portal to an alternate dimension opened in Dorset."
The arrival of a small convoy interrupted their musings however, as four cars crested the top of a nearby hill.
Coming to a halt in front of the small group, men in white coats jumped out of the first three cars, and into the back of a Ford F250, which appeared to be the camera crew's selected mode of transportation. As the men jumped into the tray, one seized a large camera and paced towards them.
"Alright then, let's see what we've got" James said brightly. "Obviously, as the most intelligent one of us, I went with something practical and rugged." The impeccably dressed man strode over to a black jeep parked several metres away.
Jeremy coughed loudly into his fist, earning glares from James and the camera crews, who cast anxious looks at the countryside around them.
"Anyway, I chose this car, the 2012 Jeep Wrangler. A good, sensible off-road choice; 3.6 litre V6, 285 horsepower and a tried and tested design. This car is perfect for the challenges I think we'll be facing. What about you Hammond?"
Hammond's mouth had been stuck in the wide open position since the second car had come into sight. Only now did he close it to glare at Clarkson.
"This is my Land Rover." The pink behemoth was unmistakeable, the horrible paint job practically assaulted their eyes.
"Oh good!" Jeremy exclaimed. "When you're going into the unknown it's always good to have a car you know personally and can..."
"Shut up" said Hammond "I asked for a different model."
"Maybe they misheard you?" Jeremy suggested, a shit-eating grin covering his face.
"If you mention this even one more..."
"Shutting up" said Jeremy, who had by now realised that silence may be his best and only defense. "Besides, it's time to behold the greatness that is my own car for this trip."
"I was wondering when we were going to get to that" said James, a grin of his own covering his face.
"Well what's wrong with it?"
"Absolutely nothing, the Aston Martin Vantage V8 is an excellent car" James said, his smile not diminishing. "There's only one problem."
"And what would that be?" Clarkson enquired exasperatedly.
"Well, what are you going to drive it on?" asked Hammond, who had by now understood the situation, and started to smile himself.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, there's no roads in Equestria" said James "From what we understand, cobblestones are as close as they get, and that's only in the cities."
Clarkson stopped and stared at the £100,000 sports car with a frown on his face.
"Cock."
"Anyway" said Hammond, much happier now. "Let's get... huh." One of the white coated men had jumped out of the truck and handed him an envelope. Raising an eyebrow, Richard opened the envelope, removed the letter and began to read.
"Now that you have all received your cars, you should make your way into Equestria. Just be aware that this may not be so easy." Pausing, Hammond looked at Clarkson and Jeremy, who both shrugged, before continuing.
"The area you will be travelling through is highly guarded. You will need to employ all of your driving skills to ensure that you are not spotted before you enter the portal. Hopefully you have chosen cars suitable for sneaking around the countryside in." Wincing, Hammond glanced over at the hot-pink Land Rover, which seemed to actually give off light in the almost pitch blackness.
"The portal, fortunately, is over two miles in length, but is patrolled heavily, and located in an area of flat, clear land used primarily for farming. Should you be spotted we've left something for you on your back seats which should..." Hammond's voice faded away as he stared down at the letter in his hands.
"What? What do we do if we're spotted?" asked James.
Hammond dashed to his car, opening the rear door with a groan as he glimpsed the bundle inside. Reaching in, he pulled out a heavy black vest and helmet.
"Wha... They're not going to shoot us are they?" asked James faintly. "This is Iraq all over again." He walked over to his Jeep and pulled out a vest of his own, putting it on reluctantly.
Jeremy started to walk over to his Aston Martin, but stopped halfway, a horrified expression on his face.
"Guys."
"What?" The other two asked crankily, pulling their helmets over their heads.
"I don't have back seats. The Vantage is a two-seater."
"Well that sucks for you then doesn't it" said Hammond with a smirk. "Right then, no sense in wasting time."
"Absolutely" agreed James.
"What's our action plan?"
"I think we should find our way through separately, that way if one of us gets spotted, the others can use the distraction to make it through without being shot." said James
"Sounds good, here, I've got a map..." Hammond pulled a small square of folded paper from his glove-box and continued his discussion with James, gesturing animatedly as he did so.
"Guys?" Clarkson was by now, looking rather ill.
"So that leaves Clarkson taking the middle route..."
"Wait what?"
"Alright then, I'll be seeing you both on the other side."
"Don't die" added James as the two of them climbed into their respective cars and rumbled off in different directions.
Clarkson stood there for a moment, the stiff breeze the only source of sound as it rustled the leaves of trees and whipped past his head. A moment was taken reflecting on the fragility of life before the balding gentleman turned to look at his Aston.
"Oh for fuck's sake."
All my yes.
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/217/5/1/wilhelm_seal_of_approval_by_mescary-d59vmgj.jpg
The Wilhelm seal of approval
Inb4 featured. There are some grammar erros: a few periods missing and quotation marks floating around for no reason, but the concept is fantastic and you seem to have nailed the personalities of the Top Gear crew (or caricatures thereof) nicely. It's short and sweet, can't wait for more.
You have my attention. Please, continue.
1637422
Ugh, this is what happens when you copy directly from a word doc and don't spend enough time reformatting. I'll give it a look through and see if I can't slay the grammar demon
And thank you, it's always good to know that people enjoy my work. I had a lot of fun with these chapters.
I like where this is going. Favorited, and first
Edit: the comment section was blank when i wrote that. Guess i should have refreshed it.
Loving so hard I'm having trouble keeping my lunch down. XD
Insta fave.
static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Top+Gear+fuck+yeah+_b4ae1f3ca2f07c2c35993f4c380f0e04.gif
You win.
Everything.
EVERYTHING.
Oh my god Pinkie is gonna love Hammond's car, best part is that I think we all could see them doing this, this makes me glad I started that fimfiction racing club on forza lol you sir deserve a moustache
I say that this is going to get featured.
THE IS THE GREATEST THING EVER I DEMAND YOU GET IN BED WITH ME YOU SEXY WRITER, YOUdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_bedroomeyes.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png e.deviantart.com/emoticons/moods/love/lust.gif
1637599
And who says fanfic writers don't get paid?
I absolutely love this :D
My only regret is I can only like/favorite this once.
Thank you, for writing this.
You are amazing and I want to have your babies
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[youtube=j9PoUsRibtE]
NOTHING CAN STOP THE DUKE OF EARL
There had better be some Stig action in this story.
1637737 That post was like a physical punch in the eyes.
1637719
Some say that his favourite pony of all time... is Spike the Dragon
And that behind his helmet is a face that only Fluttershy could love...
This is one of the greatest things I've ever read.
But seriously though, this made me lol, then rofl, and eventually, I roflmao'd.
1637756
All we know is, he's called The Stig!
BTW. What card does Hamster drive? You jump from Land Rover to Land Cruiser. Make up your mind
1637751 Yeah, almost everything I made sucks and/or hurts.
Isn't it awesome!?
1637788
Fixed. It's a Rover, he has four of them irl
1637756 I fuckin' laughed when I read that. USE IT!!
1637756 But all we know is he's called the STIG!
...what is going on here
really, though, this looks AMAZING
Just by reading the title I can tell this is going to be an amazing read.
In Chapter 2 - if James has the Jeep, Hammond has a pink Land Rover, and Clarkson is in an Aston ... who has the Toyota?
Awww, I was hoping the Mane 6 would get to meet Oliver.
this has to be the best thing.. in the world!
AWESOMENESSS!!!
Some say he's actually Pinkie Pie under his suit . . . and his toes are drop-forged titanium.
All we know is, he's called The Stig.
OH. MY. GOD.
SOMEONE ACTUALLY DID THIS. I THINK I LOVE YOU
Top Gear crew in Equestria oh hell yeah.
No. Way.
NO BUCKING WAY
I am SO reading this!
I totally had a fanboy moment when I saw this in my notifications.
some say that he is the missing pony/changeling hybrid
and that by law he can not come within 300 miles of Trottingham
all we know is that he's called THE STIG
Some say that he can beat Big Macintosh in an apple bucking competition, and that he is the universe's first human alicorn. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that he is the First Alicorn.
Some say he is Faust's brother.
Some say he is the pure embodiment of the Unknown.
But all we know is, he's called The Stig.
(You better have him walking up, pure bulletproof, and go right up to the portal, unharmed. Then make him jump in like a badass.)
The stig is required for this fic to work you know that right?
Anyway love where this is going...but lord help you if you do not include my Stig in it.
1639213
Yeah that's a typo. Guess I wasn't the only one to notice it.
Land Rover isnt owned by Toyota. It is owned by TaTa. So Hammond wouldnt look over to his pink Toyota, unless his Land Rover is now some how a Land Cruiser.
2079013
It's the little things like this that get me every time. Cheers for pointing it out.
Jeremy Clarkson's driving a Vantage V8. It's not the same V8 he drove when they did the South-Western US, is it?
The Camera crew are in a pick-up truck, and Hammond, May, and Clarkson, don't made any snide remarks about it?
Your inner Aussie is showing.
chaiwallasboombox.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/HolyFuck-02-big.jpg
Hang on I thought they all ways chose a specific type of vehicle like a used car under 5000 etc.
I actually had to look-up where that was
I'm seriously laughing my flank off so far. XD
Fitting
The only problem with this chapter is that Clarkson doesn't say "Cock" that's Jame's thing
Favoriting powers activate!