Heads in the Clouds
Ditzy Doo waved merrily as she watched the three humans exit the post office. Humming a merry tune, the wall-eyed mare trotted over towards the playpen, where Dinky was noncommittally striking up conversation with a Daring Doo action figure.
'Silly Billy,' she thought 'The Daleks know better than to show up here'. Still humming, the grey pegasus gently nuzzled her daughter, before returning to work, her bubbly personality again rising to the surface as she continued humming that mysterious tune.
---
The Top Gear crew, meanwhile, were facing a conundrum. None of the presenters were particularly looking forward to the transition from the lovely solid ground to the dubiously named 'Cloudsdale', and as such, each man found himself praying that he would not be the first to make the journey.
"So..." Hammond said awkwardly. "Shall we draw lots, or..."
"Well, I think that's a good idea" Jeremy said cheerfully. "James, what do you think?"
"I think that those two pegasi are tying themselves to my car already." James said, a tremor in his voice. Sure enough, the postal ponies were hard at work, fitting a large metal rig to the front of the Jeep."
"It's amazing what a handful of coins can accomplish isn't it?" Jeremy whispered to Hammond, who burst out laughing. James however, was too busy feeling extremely ill to take any notice.
"Oh, they work quickly too" chuckled Hammond, who was much more relaxed now that he knew he wasn't going be the first to take to the skies.
Sure enough, the two pegasi were already clipping themselves into the harness.
"Ready to go when you are," the larger of the pair, who had been introduced as Mayflower, spoke up.
"Our heavenly father..." James began.
"Oh go on." Jeremy rudely interrupted, shoving him towards the drivers side door.
James clambered into the Jeep and buckled his seatbelt as Speedwell and Mayflower performed their last minute flight preparations. When the smaller pegasi glanced back over his shoulder to check on their reluctant passenger, James managed a slight nod of affirmation.
"I think he's going to puke." Jeremy muttered under his breath.
Without any further warning, Speedwell and Mayflower began their takeoff. Beginning with a trot, they quickly increased their speed, hoofbeats perfectly synchronised as they eventually broke out into a full gallop. Wings erupting from their sides simultaneously, the two pegasi began to lift from the ground as they gave several large flaps. With what looked like minimal effort, and after only a few seconds, the pair took to the skies, James May and his Jeep in tow.
"I won't lie." Clarkson began, turning to Hammond. "That was one of the strangest things I've seen, and I'm in television."
---
James May gave a sigh of relief as the car's wheels touched down on what felt like a solid surface. The purple librarian had evidently known what she was doing, and he hadn't fallen to his untimely demise. Craning his head out of the Jeep's window, he thanked the pair of pegasi, who were already unclipping themselves from the harness.
"No need to thank us mate, your friend pays well enough," Mayflower replied with a good-natured grin on his face that was mirrored by his towing partner.
"Wait, what?" May asked, confused.
"Never mind about that." Speedwell said quickly. "We'd best be going back for your friends."
After a few seconds, the pair of pegasi had removed the harness from the car, and shifted it into a small storage shed off to one side. Bidding James farewell, they dove through the clouds, which resealed themselves magically several seconds later.
Gazing around, and checking quickly in his rear view mirror, James better acquainted himself with his new environment. As far as he could tell, the area he had been set down on was some sort of landing ground or square, the only infrastructure around being the small clump of sheds to his right. For several hundred meters in each other direction though, there was only a solid cloud surface, stretching on and on.
Left to sit alone in his car, atop a cloud three vertical miles above the ground, James quickly became bored.
---
Jeremy moaned in sweet relief as the Aston's tires met the seemingly solid cloud surface, Speedwell and Mayflower quickly unbuckling themselves and diving back down to retrieve the last and shortest of the presenters. The two pegasi had sat him down next to James' Jeep, and as he glanced up at the other car, he caught sight of the grin on his friend's face.
"What?" Clarkson asked sharply, his nerves still shot from the climb to Cloudsdale.
"You know, you might just enjoy your time up here more than you think." James said, the grin not leaving his face.
"Yeah, and why's that?" Clarkson grumbled, not convinced.
"I took the Jeep for a drive while you were coming up, you know, just to test the terrain."
"Okay... And?"
"Why don't you take the Aston for a quick spin, while we're up here?"
Frowning, Jeremy turned the ignition, starting the engine with a purr. As soon as the car began moving, his expression changed completely though. After rolling forward for only a couple of meters, he put it into reverse, and backed up until his window was level with James'.
"Is it all this flat?" He asked incredulously.
"Yep."
A grin immediately spread across the speed freak's face.
---
"And here we are!" Mayflower exclaimed as the two pegasi carted Hammond's pink monstrosity the last few meters, breaking through the cloud barrier. "Welcome to... what in Equestria?"
"POWEEEEER!!"
The roar of the Aston's V8 ripped through the otherwise calm Cloudsdale afternoon. As the sleek supercar roared past the baffled pegasi, it banked sharply, drifting around the collection of sheds before taking off in the opposite direction with only a little tail wobble.
"Hello," James said as Speedwell and Mayflower set the Land Rover down beside the Jeep, their mouths still agape at the speed and sound being produced by Jeremy's car.
"I can see that The Idiot is already enjoying himself." Hammond said, nonchalantly.
"Yes indeed," James replied.
The two were interrupted though as the loud sports car pulled up alongside Hammond's Land Rover.
"Guys..." Jeremy began a little sheepishly.
"It's good to see you too Jeremy. No, thank you for your concern, but I did not in fact fall to my death on the way up here." Richard responded sarcastically.
"What is it Jeremy?" James asked loudly, cutting straight to the chase.
"My fuel is... a little low." Clarkson said, frowning at his dashboard.
"I wonder how that could have happened?" Hammond pondered, putting on a mystified expression.
"I could probably hazard a guess," James muttered.
Speedwell and Mayflower finished removing the harness from Richard's Land Rover. Glancing nervously at the Aston, they waved goodbye before diving down beneath the clouds to retrieve the film crew and their F250.
"So, what now?" Richard sighed.
"Well, we'll need to wait for our next challenge," Jeremy replied. "It's not like I'm going anywhere else anytime soon, not with an empty tank."
"Smart one, you are." Hammond commented, earning a glare.
Twenty minutes later, they were relieved at the sight of the pickup bursting through the clouds a short distance away. After the harness was removed, the huge Ford rumbled over to park next to Richard. A man in a lab coat, who was sitting in the passenger seat reached into May's car, dropping a gold envelope into his lap.
Tearing the envelope open eagerly, James began reading aloud, shouting so that Jeremy could hear him from two cars away.
"Congratulations, your cars have survived the journey to one of Equestria's famous cloud cities. Now that you've arrived, it's time to see some of the wonderful sights that Cloudsdale has to offer. From your current destination, you must head North to the... Rainbow Factory, where your next challenge awaits you."
"Really?" Hammond asked, raising his eyebrows in disbelief. "The Rainbow Factory?"
"But a rainbow is just light refraction," Jeremy objected. "How can you manufacture a rainbow?"
"Actually," Speedwell interjected, "I don't know how it works where you're from, but rainbows here in Equestria come in liquid form."
James blinked. "But what could possibly be used to create liquid rainbow? It just seems too far-fetched to be true."
"Ah, now that," Speedwell stated. "That there's a closely guarded secret. Only a select few know the recipe for liquid rainbow."
"Kind of like the eleven secret herbs and spices." Hammond joked.
"Yes..." Speedwell replied shiftily. "Herbs and spices..."
"Moving on!" James exclaimed. "There's more to the note." He cleared his throat before continuing. "Your destination is roughly one kilometer north of your current position. If your cars require refueling, you will find spare fuel in the tray of the camera crew's car. Good luck with that." He frowned at the last line. "What do they mean, 'good luck with that'?
"Thank you baby Jesus, there's spare fuel" Clarkson breathed out in relief.
"One question." Hammond said, making his growing uncertainty clear. "How are you going to refuel your car three miles up without falling to your very gruesome untimely death?"
Jeremy looked at Hammond for several seconds, before turning to the camera crew's truck, then back to Hammond.
"Oh fuck me," he muttered, before laying his head down on the steering wheel. It was going to be a long day.
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2450060
Same. Have not read the story yet and my brain went exactly like this, "Top gear = Jeremy Clarkson. Jeremy Clarkson = bad things happening. Oh dear, this is going to being interesting read".
Bwahahahahaha!
Top Gear Top Tip: Remember to get a cloud-walking spell on you, as well as on your vehicle!
2848337 Bad things happen when he utters those immortal words..... "How hard can it be?"
YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES
Two of the greatest things to ever be on TV in ONE fic? I wish I had more thumbs to point upwards!
In many ways, Jeremy Clarkson is like Rainbow Dash; they're both extremely practical and they both move at top speeds without considering the consequences.
*hasn't read any chapter yet already trying not to crack ribs from laughing*
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I love this, I feel like I am reading the transcript for the actual show. You get Clarkson, Hammond and May down pat!
>>>you must head North to the... Rainbow Factory..>>>
>>"Ah, now that," Speedwell stated. "That there's a closely guarded secret. Only a select few know the recipe for liquid rainbow.">>
I know the recipe, and here it is:
On that note, the next task is clearly to gather up some weak pegasus foals and grind up their bodies while they're still alive and screaming.
2848378
In the mortal world we don't have magic. Equestria does have magic. I am wondering what is going to happen when he says those words when I start reading.
Clearly Jeremy has never played "The Floor is now Lava," or he'd know that this is easy as hell.
This is quite possibly the greatest thing in the universe.
POWER!!!!
2848440 i have seen every episode on BBC America, everytime he starts a segment and says "How hard could it be?" like when they tried to make an eletric car or a convertable van, or travel from Madrid to Berlin in 300 pound cars. Whatever they are trying to do goes totally to pot by the time to put a star in a reasonably priced car
2848504
In Australia, Top Gear is on a channel called BBC Knowledge and yes, when Jeremy starts something with " How hard can it be?" it seem to always bugger up quite quickly.
Clarkson might just have to find a Pegasus to sit on while he refuels his Aston.
This is some of the dumbest stuff ever and I love it to death. Please keep going?
I haven't even started reading and I already love this.
You get a like and a Fave
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/245640__UNOPT__safe_princess-celestia_animated_caption_clapping.gif.gif
This is quite simple, just pull the Aston beside the truck and have someone stand on the bed and pour the gas in. It really doesn't take a rocket scien... oh wait. I forgot. This is Clarkson we're talking about.
I just can't wait until they get to Canterlot, I'd love to see Octavia's reaction, and their reaction to her playing a cello with hooves.
400th like
oh yeah
THIS has got to be the greatest, most hilarious, most brilliant crossover fanfiction with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic ...
...
...
...
in the world.
How to refuel a car without ever leaving the confines of the car itself...
Well, how hard can it be?
Holy shit yes. I'd almost given up hope but damn, it lives!
Also: "POOOWWEEEEEERR"
Yes
I just finished reading and all I have to say is I haven't laughed this hard since I read that one fic with Yatzee.
I was laughing enough I made the dog start barking and my aunt stuck her head in to see what was going on
The characters were hilariously spot on, the whole concept was brilliantly done, YOU KILLED THE STIG!!!
, it was overall quite well done.
The only thing I don't like is the shortness of the chapters.
I can't wait to see what they do next and how much of Equestria is left standing in the end
I am both, intrigued and scared to read this.
I'll put it into my read later.
Annnnd successful British TV/MLP crossover continues, now with more British television crossover.
2849325
Read it sooner rather than later, it's funny. That goes for the rest of you lurkers!
2849362 Heh, if it has the team from Top Gear in it I bet
Been a fan of that show since season 1, love every episode. I'll definitely read it moment I have time.
I cant wait to see what will happen at the rainbow factory
2848355 But they can't get the Cloud-walking spell. Twilight tried, and failed.
It's great how I could easily imagine this as a Top Gear Special.
Fave'd.
Where's Rainbow Dash?!?!?! We need her!
I took the time, read the whole thing.
Liked, Faved, waiting for more 
This is the most brilliant story I've ever read. If only this was an actual episode, I'd be set
POWER!!!!!!!!!
2848437
OH, FAHK ME! Where's Vert Wheeler? He'll take out the rainbow factory.
Everything about this is just beautiful... And now I can't stop hearing their voices whenever I read a chapter, too. Just adds to the fun really; fine work, mate!
I say it now: Discord must be behind all of this.
On another note: do you have already planned all the challenges they will be facing?
2852952
I have the next few challenges worked out, but all of my plans for the story are subject to change if a new idea crops up.
Top Gear. Like the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
2848330 havnt seen YOU in a while ._.
2854570 i know i just havent seen you around for a while ._.
When James said "hello" I could only think of this:
2854595 also didn't he pull one out of his wallet?!?!?! That was blue berry flavored?!?!
2852165 that's a remixed version of Jessica by the Allman brothers band.
2851485 What about Kurt Wyld/ Mark Wyld/ Kaddem/ Alec Wood/ Banjiee/ Dan Dreseden/ Taro Kanto/ Nolo/ Monkey/ Porkchop am I missing anyone guys?
Yes, yes, dear god a thousand time yes!
Nice chapter hilarious as always!
Pros: top gear, ponies.
Cons: rainbow factory.