"So what you're telling me" Twilight Sparkle began, struggling to comprehend the enormity of the situation she was in. "Is that these documents contain the most important scientific discoveries of your race, a race that technologically surpasses my own in every regard."
"Yes" drawled Clarkson for the umpteenth time.
"Knowledge that includes the manufacture of weapons far surpassing our own, a comprehensive history of your world, the concepts on which you base thousands of technological marvels and the biology of your own species" she went on, skimming briefly through one of several blocks of paper.
"Yes."
"And you want to sell it. To me. A librarian."
"Yes."
"How can you be so casual about this? This knowledge could, no, WILL revolutionize Equestria. Don't you feel even the slightest bit concerned about just handing away centuries of knowledge to an alien race?"
Clarkson vaguely considered the notion. "Nah, it should be fine."
Twilight's left eye twitched slightly as she struggled to contain herself "How much do you want for it?"
Clarkson smiled.
---
"Well, that was strange" Hammond commented as he watched their latest customers, a mint green unicorn and a cream colored earth pony, both mares, walk away.
"Well, on the bright side, I did sell the Tim Tams" James commented, trying to hold back laughter.
"I just sold a porno mag to a unicorn" Hammond stammered weakly.
The awkward silence that threatened to form after what was, admittedly one of the strangest conversations either man had ever had was dispelled though, as the familiar form of Jeremy Clarkson approached them."
"Guys" he said in a soft, serious tone.
"What?" Hammond asked, crinkling his brow. "Didn't you manage to sell them or.."
"No" Jeremy interrupted him. "Look at this."
As Jeremy opened his hand, James and Richard craned their heads to see. Resting in the palm of the taller man's hand were three shiny gold bits.
"Oh good, three bits" James remarked dryly. "What did you do? Walk someone's dog?"
"James, this is gold" Clarkson said, his voice still low. "This will take care of all our food costs, our...
"No it won't" Hammond said, shaking his head.
"What do you mean, they're at least an ounce each" Jeremy replied, becoming more and more confused with his companion's lack of enthusiasm.
"Did you really not check the currency rates?" James asked.
"I... what do you mean?"
"I mean" James answered with a sigh. "That gold is a common element here. Those coins might buy you lunch, but they're not going to get you across the country. How much did you get for the pages?"
"Three coins" Jeremy replied darkly.
"What, per page?" Hammond asked innocently, knowing full well what the answer was going to be.
James smirked. "Don't tell me you let her read about our economy in the Wikipedia articles before you sold them to her."
Jeremy looked back in the direction of the library with a gloomy expression. "Bollocks."
---
As the United Nations summit went into recess for the first time in hours, the Prime Minister allowed himself a moment of peace. As he allowed the stress of the evening to dissipate, he smiled quietly. The evening had been long and wracked with tension, after all, any misinterpretation could sour humanity's relationship with the first alien species ever discovered, let alone the local issues behind the portal's appearance. As the Minister relaxed though, he allowed it all to drop away. All the speeches, all the hoof shaking, all the weirdness stopped existing for a moment as he finally had a moment of calm, quiet solitude.
"Prime Minister, I'm sorry but this is urgent."
"GEOFFRY I AM ON THE TOILET!"
"You'll still want to hear this sir." The Minister's aide's expression did not falter as the cubicle door eventually swung open and his annoyed boss strode out angrily.
"If it's not a fire then you're going to be. Fired, that is"
"There are reports of an intrusion in the Equestrian exclusion zone. Apparently someone got through."
"Jesus" The PM breathed quietly. "Do we know who is responsible?. Have they made any demands?"
"You're not going to like it sir."
This story is gold.
Knowledge once gained casts a light beyond its own immediate boundaries.
-John Tyndall-
Also, hell yes, new chapter!
2078643
One internet cookie for you sir!
top gear and MLP what is this awesomesauce? this is the best thing to happen to the internet ever! but on a more serios note amazing work dude ^^
When I saw this story I was like
Then I was like
After that I was like
2078650
Thank youuu~ :3
Evil Twily
Well played, miss Sparkle. Well played.
Assuming that bits are made of solid gold, they should be worth a fair amount. Not very much in comparison to the information sold though.
2078816
Maybe once the lads get home. Until then, we'll see.
I dread the moment Clarkson meets Pinkie
also, how did they not recognize the Doctor?
2078880 because they're sodding idiots, that's why. Plus, they're not exactly expecting him to be a pony.
Jeremy sold wikipedia pages for 3 bits. 3 BITS!! He could've ended up rich. Hammond made more selling 'balloons' to foals. I really hope you keep updating this.
This story just gave me the laughs I've needed so badly. You, good sir, have just shown somepony (me) who has been so depressed lately that they nearly just went into their room to hide forever from the world, that there's always room for a good chuckle. Thanks dude, you are awesome for writing this story!
FUCKING YES
2079052
Hang in there brother, I very nearly went through the same thing not too long ago. Sometimes we just need to focus on what really matters and face life with a smile.
I new chapter for the new season that came out yesterday in the U.S. Clarkson is an idiot, and that is how I was expecting him to be.
Yes! Awesome
2078650 Infact, ignore my previous. If the articles are printed straight from Wikipedia, he got a bloody good deal. Trying to reverse-engineer something from a Wikipedia article is like trying to reverse-engineer a space shuttle from the dietary information you find on the back of a box of cereal.
In short, Wikipedia articles aren't worth jack shit. Clarkson certianly got the better part of the deal.
troll.me/images/boromir/one-does-not-simply-cite-wikipedia.jpg
Clarkson you infantile pillock!
Yay an update and I freaking love this story xD You really wrote the characters excellent.
Yay update!!!
This is awesome! Faved!
As to the Wikipedia stuff, while Wikipedia is short on the specifics (being an on-line encyclopedia, it cannot be as comprehensive as an actual education on the subject), there are some facts that, once known, will set Equestria down the path of scientific progress. Like knowing matter comes in bits (atoms), that chemistry is just physics, that brown-black sludge that comes out of the ground can be turned into many useful substances (including gasoline/petrol), and that atoms can be split to create huge bursts of energy are huge conceptual steps forward. The rest is details that industrious ponies can work out for themselves.
2079718 Well, actually, if you combine certain Wikipedia articles, you can get pretty much all you need to know...
I did that for chemistry... made a number of... 'interesting' compounds...
2078766 Twilight Sparkle, Equestria's new evil corporate magnate.
ERMAHGERD!!!
I just realized!
Twilight figures out how to use nuclear physics to generate the energy she needs to become an alicorn!! THIS IS HOW IT HAPPENS!!!
well we are doomed to hell thanks to clarkson.
this will be entertaining
Great story, thank you.
Mild error: "All the speeches, all the hoof shaking, all the weirdness stopped existing for a moment as he finally had a moment of calm, quiet solitude."
That should probably be hand shaking? Unless you're implying that he was, in fact, shaking hooves... but there's not that many hooves to shake at this point.
2083353
This one was a bit of a toss-up between hoof and hand while I was writing it, but I decided to leave it as is. Something about willing the suspension of disbelief
2083525 Well, considering how well Obama's diplomacy has gone, I fail to see any difference in results.
I think it's time to try MY style: nuke first, ask questions later.
I don't know why I started reading this. The whole concept shouldn't fit let alone work. Probably just another lame HiE. Chapters are really short. I can't wait for the next update.
2084726 ahem, you called? [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=h67JpMyrOVE]
I was reluctant to read this because of the short chapters, but then actually read it, and I couldn't care less about how short they were Well, apart from how I wish they were longer. I demand more. When you have the time.
While I could see the top gear guys doing this as a joke if the equestrians were in on it, they aren't really as dumb as they make themselves out to be on the show, so them being this awful, in regards to the equestrians and the wikipedia pages is sort of affecting my suspension of disbelief here.
2138532
True, and I think that any sane human being would be the same. But this story is placing the characters they play on Top Gear into Equestria rather than their real life personalities, it would be a generic HIE otherwise.
He....he...he sold a porno t-t-to Lyra, oh jeez RUN, just RUN for you bloody lives!!!!
Can't stop laughing. XD
Hmm I figured that either Spike or Big Mac would buy the Porno he's got the look.
Good job, Clarkson. You managed to sell hundreds of years of human history for more than seven times less money than three condoms.
The knowledge how a nuke works sold to a potentaly hostile alienrace FOR THREE BITS how stupid can you be?
3801957 *cough* Its Clarkson