Being a travelling pony you traverse the countryside in search of a nice story and a warm meal. so when the beautiful snow white mare in the corner takes your fancy, you ask the barpony about her. instead of getting the short story that you were expecting, you get a dark and intreguing recount of her sad life and how she became who she is now.
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1427041 thank you heaps
you certainly have my attention Bar keep.
Do go on.
1443767 this makes me happy
thank you very much!!
1443825 I know dat feel quite well.
I'm sorta trying to start out writing too. I know my first story is 
but it's for shiv's and giggles. I suppose transitioning from text based roleplaying is harder than once thought...
Not bad at all so far!
You seem to have delving into your characters down pretty well. Just remember to ease off a bit on the ellipsis' and space your paragraphs out a tad bit more! I am looking forward to the next chap. 
1447302 thanks heaps for the pointers. ill definitely incorporate them into the next chapter
when you say space out the paragraphs, do you mean the actual white space between paragraphs or do you mean make each paragraph larger in size?
1447945 I mean that a paragraph itself should never exceed about ten to twelve sentences (with some exceptions), otherwise you get run-on paragraphs, and when you do seperat them, always remember to leave a line of space in between each. For example: However… there is only so long a little filly can stay interested with one thing. After this sentence you start a new paragraph, but did not leave use enter to leave a line of space in between them.
1448034 ah, excellent. ok thankyou ill go and fix that now
1448034 just figured out that copy pasting from word does that. an <Enter> in word is a <Shift + Enter> here
Congratulations, you actually persuaded me to read your fic. Maybe it was the cover image, or the fact that i'm a sad, lonely fucker seeking companionship through way of text....
Regardless, if this is decently written, then
3.bp.blogspot.com/-L__MWTY2wa8/UCvhJomzGqI/AAAAAAAAAZ4/rc7rCEqptXk/s1600/133901426244.jpg
1931362 OOH a banana Sticker!!! Thanks for the fave!!! Im glad you like it
1934178 Thank you so much
Very well done, you insert a reality check for the "me" in the story, and the nightmares make a sort of sense , clicking in the end. very well done, I wonder if "I" will have a part in the Silent's story.
Do keep going Barpony, you had my interest before, but now you have curiosity. I commend thy writing ability, for it is vastly better than mine.
1961398 Thank you very much.
As to whether the travelling pony will have a part, you'll have to wait and see. Also you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. As long as you're happy with what you're writing and the story that you are telling, it shouldn't matter how good a writer you are. 