A pony named Emmaline Bunn(me) moved to Ponyville from a small lot that her mother owned out in the country. She thought that things would always be TERRIBLE for her once she got there, being new, and being one of the only Blank Flanks around. She was bullied a good bit at school and it was only her mom that she lived with. One day, she went to visit Applejack and met a stallion named Zee Whitewolf(My boyfriend), a pony from Canterlot coming to buy apples. They chatted for a bit, and started to hang out more and more. A relationship grew, and amazing things that Emmaline never thought of happened right before her eyes.
I hope you guys enjoy, it took me FOREVER to write this story!! But it's all based off of a bunch of different things that has happened to me. Not all of it is true though, just added in there for stories sake! <3
For gods sake
this is a mistake most authors make, I learned this the hard way (TRE hard way) but prepare yourself for this
No one gives a flying buck about your OC, that's it, I don't want to be rude but it's the truth.
And come on?!? you really say it's a self insert, no one wants to read about a self-insert, they usually revolve around OC (you) and we want plat, ADVENTURE story, not your OC's life.
And it's A BLOODY WALL OF TEXT! Space it out! Find an editor for gods sake, but I am sad to say the story looks unreadable, and near the end the word count drops drasticly, you could have merged the last three chapters together to end it.
So I give it a 0/10 I'm sorry, not saying I was any better, I sugest taking a look at Wanderer D's How too's for tips, best of luck
A fellow writer
~Spymanx
1530763 I saw that people were giving it those downward thumbs, but I guess thanks for the input, I was waiting for that. You didn't have to blow up about it. I doubt this would've made a difference, but this is my first story that I have EVER published ANYWHERE. It's my first fanfic, I don't know what exactly I expected and I don't know what others expected either.
It's a story, one that I put a hell of a lot of effort into, and if people aren't going to like it then fine. I made my OC with what I had, I tried to make it entertaining, and I did try to space it out. The word edit thing used goofed several times, by witness of several of my friends who I got a bit of feedback from. I tried to fix it, I don't know what's so wrong with it though.
And there IS a way you can *not* be rude about it, I saw what you were trying to do but still. I put this up in haste, seeing that I finally finished the story. Is there a link I could have for the how to thing? If it'll help, then great.
1570033
Ok, here we go
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/38998
Read this, it will give you all you need to know, and I understand how hard the first is, but people don't like that excuse, to them it sounds like your trying to use inexperience as an excuse.
and just to make sure
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/64859 <----- READ THIS FIRST
this will tell you all you need to know about how to make your OC better
Hope it helps
~spymanx